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This is good, but you need to delete the words I deleted below: This is what I am thinking of sending. Anyone want to critique it?
I was up until 4am last night thinking about what to do right now, and I am going to leave the ball in your court. After thinking about it I dont want a divorce and I dont want to separate. I want to work on our marriage. Im not going to leave. Im 100% committed to this marriage. Separating or divorcing are not going to fix our relationship and neither of those are going to help us raise our daughter. I want to set an example for her that marriage is a committment and it means something. Outside of infidelity or abuse there is nothing that cant be worked out. I want to be her role model for what she should expect from her husband one day. I cant stop you from leaving if thats what you chose to do. And I am not trying to make this about me. This is about us. You are not leaving anything in her court. You are taking back control of your life.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She still hasnt given me a decision on wether or not she wanted to separate instead of a divorce. She just keeps asking me "what our plan is"
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I would use the phrases that Melody gave you word-for-word. And just keep repeating that same message. Tell her what you are willing to do and don't provide reasons why. Anything short of that just leads to arguments.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
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She still hasnt given me a decision on wether or not she wanted to separate instead of a divorce. She just keeps asking me "what our plan is" But what matters is what YOU have decided. You have decided you want neither. So the ball is not in her court.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She'll be angry. You stay calm and be very pleasant.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
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Good job!! Just expect her to FREAK OUT so you won't be surprised. I would also maneuver the conversation back to taking the house off the market. The house can't be sold without your signature.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Happy Birthday, MrAlias!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Good job!! Just expect her to FREAK OUT so you won't be surprised. I would also maneuver the conversation back to taking the house off the market. The house can't be sold without your signature. One step at a time. Im spoon feeding this to her instead of throwing the whole pie
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Good job!! Just expect her to FREAK OUT so you won't be surprised. I would also maneuver the conversation back to taking the house off the market. The house can't be sold without your signature. One step at a time. Im spoon feeding this to her instead of throwing the whole pie NO spoonfeeding. That is not strategic to drag out the bad news. it is better to get this all done in one fell swoop. She is going to be furious that you are interfering with her plans to bust up your marriage so you might as well get it ALL out there NOW. She will be angry so get your money's worth so you can move onto next steps.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Her reply- So this can be my fault? I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and I feel like you have your hands over my mouth. I'm not happy. I don't think I have anything left to give you. I will move out as soon as my sisters roommate moves if that's what I need to do.
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That screams "other guy in the picture" to me
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Her reply- So this can be my fault? I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and I feel like you have your hands over my mouth. I'm not happy. I don't think I have anything left to give you. I will move out as soon as my sisters roommate moves if that's what I need to do. 'just know that I would hate to see you go, but you are always welcome here. I will miss you terribly. I love you, Winslow"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Her - I don't want you to touch me. I don't want to laugh at your jokes. I don't want to sleep in the same bed as you. I don't want to do anything with your outside of (daughter). This is where I'm coming from.
Her- Seems like you wanna stay in the house and just party on like no big deal. And there was a time when you said if we split up the only thing that would change would be you would be changing a few more diapers and do your own laundry. (I did say that out of anger)
Last edited by Winslow; 07/07/16 01:30 PM.
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You have just thrown a huge wrench into fantasy land. There is probably a plan to take the proceeds from the sale of your home and buy/rent a place with the OM. You have ruined that plan. When she sees that her threats and anger won't motivate you to back down she will start second guessing her plans.
ALSO, she can be expected to rewrite history to justify her plan to leave you. For example, she will exaggerate the problems in the marriage to keep you off balance. When she does that, respond with
"I know l made alot of terrible mistakes. I am sorry I made you unhappy. I am willing to change all the things that made you unhappy. I want us to be happy together. I want us to raise our daughter together in a happy, in tact home."
Be humble, kind and demonstrate a willingness to eliminate the offensive behavior. Be a broken record and continually tell her you want to create a happy, loving marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She is flying off the handle. What do i say?
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She is flying off the handle. What do i say? "I know l made alot of terrible mistakes. I am sorry I made you unhappy. I am willing to change all the things that made you unhappy. I want us to be happy together. I want us to raise our daughter together in a happy, in tact home." And then stop responding.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Her - You don't get to control everything. I'm so mad at you. And you say "I will seriously miss you". You probably need to find a place to stay until I can move out.
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Her - You don't get to control everything. I'm so mad at you. And you say "I will seriously miss you". You probably need to find a place to stay until I can move out. She is trying to control you!!  See how irrational cheaters are?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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