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How do i play it? Do I start plan A even though i dont have evidence for exposure? Yes, you should stay in Plan A. Plan A is 2-fold: you offer to meet her needs in the future and you expose the affair. You are GETTING the evidence for exposure so that should be soon. this feels stagnant all of a sudden. Any relationship talk or should I leave her hanging? NO relationship talk.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She is going to sleep upstairs again tonight. This is probably the new norm at least for now, from the way this feels. I expect her to move out once her sisters roommate moves. Couple weeks out. What do i do in the meantime? If no evodence surfaces what do I do? Twiddle my thumbs and watch her leave? I have been here for 15 years and have observed thousands of cases. I can only think of TWO in that time that couldn't find the evidence.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She is going to sleep upstairs again tonight. This is probably the new norm at least for now, from the way this feels. I expect her to move out once her sisters roommate moves. Couple weeks out. What do i do in the meantime? If no evodence surfaces what do I do? Twiddle my thumbs and watch her leave? I have been here for 15 years and have observed thousands of cases. I can only think of TWO in that time that couldn't find the evidence. Actually, I take that back. One of those cases found the evidence after TWO YEARS. It took her two years because she was lazy and eventually it fell in her lap. By then her marriage was destroyed and it was too late.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Also, I feel like I can convince her I am aware of her affair at this point. But you don't NEED to convince her you know. I am not following how you feel this will be beneficial.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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At best, bluffing her might get a confession of a "friendship," and that won't do squat for you. She will minimize it to nothing. If you don't have evidence, you just hand her the ability to deny, deny, deny the affair when you expose. Your exposure will be worthless.
Get the evidence!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Until u have evidence strong enough to convince a jury, dont say a word about your suspicions. You dont want to show her your hand.
People in affairs are addicts. She will slip up.
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I hear you. Im just planning ahead for the likely scenario when no real evidence turns up and she files for divorce and moves out. At that point I am fast losing time to bust her and she is smart enough to put the brakes on her affair long enough to get through the divorce without egg on her face.
It makes sense to, at some point, put up a big bluff im hopes she will cave. A guilty conscience is a weapon in itself.
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Have you looked at operation investigate? I recommend hiring a PI if you can. Youwill likely have evidence in a few days.
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I hear you. Im just planning ahead for the likely scenario when no real evidence turns up and she files for divorce and moves out. I am planning ahead that you will get the evidence to expose the affair. At that point I am fast losing time to bust her and she is smart enough to put the brakes on her affair long enough to get through the divorce without egg on her face. An affairee does not put the brakes on the affair. That is like imagining a heroin addict or an alcoholic will "put the brakes on" the drinking when they are under scrutiny. They are sloppy and careless. It makes sense to, at some point, put up a big bluff im hopes she will cave. A guilty conscience is a weapon in itself. This will not help you in any way. You might be able to force a halfassed "confession" of "something" but when you go to expose she will deny it all.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So that begs the question, how do i proceed if nothing turns up? Mentally i need to have all my bases covered. Im not looking for another way to skin this cat. I fully understand the power of exposure but what if that option doesnt present itself for me in time. What is the backup plan? Im hearing you all say if I dont have a damning text or picture then I need to avoid the topic of infidilety alltogether. So what do I do if proof doesnt surface? Walk away and say oh well?
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I have retained a P.I. but he can not help me with discovering an EA. he can only provide evidence of a PA, which, if you knew her schedule you would understand she has very few gaps in time in her day to day life to conduct such a thing. Im not dismising an EA at all but a P.I. is of no help in discovering an EA
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So that begs the question, how do i proceed if nothing turns up? Mentally i need to have all my bases covered. Im not looking for another way to skin this cat. I fully understand the power of exposure but what if that option doesnt present itself for me in time. What is the backup plan? Im hearing you all say if I dont have a damning text or picture then I need to avoid the topic of infidilety alltogether. So what do I do if proof doesnt surface? Walk away and say oh well? Are you French? I don't think I have ever seen someone who was so anxious to surrender.. If no evidence, then no exposure and I would render this hopeless. Nothing we can do for you. We didnt ask you get a "damning text or picture." We asked you to get evidence of an affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I mentioned to her just now before she went to bed that at some point I would like to open up a line of communication with her that is reasonable and not emotional. She flipped out. Said theres nothing to talk about. "Communicate about what?" Gave me a cold look and then stomped off to bed.
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So that begs the question, how do i proceed if nothing turns up? Mentally i need to have all my bases covered. Im not looking for another way to skin this cat. I fully understand the power of exposure but what if that option doesnt present itself for me in time. What is the backup plan? Im hearing you all say if I dont have a damning text or picture then I need to avoid the topic of infidilety alltogether. So what do I do if proof doesnt surface? Walk away and say oh well? Are you French? I don't think I have ever seen someone who was so anxious to surrender.. If no evidence, then no exposure and I would render this hopeless. Nothing we can do for you. We didnt ask you get a "damning text or picture." We asked you to get evidence of an affair. Ok so without cold hard proof of an affair this whole thing is doomed. Why go down with the ship when I could at least jump onto a piece of driftwood that may sink anyway, or it might save me? I dont understand the logic
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I mentioned to her just now before she went to bed that at some point I would like to open up a line of communication with her that is reasonable and not emotional. She flipped out. Said theres nothing to talk about. "Communicate about what?" Gave me a cold look and then stomped off to bed. WHY?? WHAT?? Didn't we tell you not to do that? If she was falling down drunk would you try to "open up a line of communication??" Wouldn't that be insane? YOU are being unreasonable and emotional. STOP IT! Stop making the situation worse.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
Ok so without cold hard proof of an affair this whole thing is doomed. Why go down with the ship when I could at least jump onto a piece of driftwood that may sink anyway, or it might save me? I dont understand the logic I have no earthly idea what this means. It is a very irrational statement.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I suspect what is really happening here is that you have not hired a PI and are not spying at all. You are trying to set the stage for coming back and saying "oh no, there is no affair" or you "can't find evidence" hoping we will give you different advice. But thats not going to happen.
That's ok, but we can't help you in that case. If you can't do this, I would view this as hopeless. You don't have to take the advice.
Let me know when you get the evidence and I will help you. There is nothing more that I can do until that happens.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So you are calling me a liar? Do you think im doing this for fun? I am trying to save my marriage but i cant fabricate evidence. If there is none to find there is none to find. Please dont be rude. Im doing everything i am capable of
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[
Ok so without cold hard proof of an affair this whole thing is doomed. Why go down with the ship when I could at least jump onto a piece of driftwood that may sink anyway, or it might save me? I dont understand the logic I have no earthly idea what this means. It is a very irrational statement. Titanic = marriage driftwood = my bluff to her of having evidence of an affair with which I hope to coerce a confession. Detectives use this all the time interrogating suspects.
Last edited by Winslow; 07/07/16 10:24 PM.
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I'm done here. If you get some evidence come back and we can help with next steps. Otherwise there is nothing more to be said.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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