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Okay, so you've told your husband you aren't going to buy the new home with him. What is he going to do at this point? Move without you, or try to stay with you? Move without me but first he needs to find a place Will he move into a hotel?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm a bit confused - if you've already signed for the house, why does he need to find a place?
Also, I would see a doctor and get on real medical antidepressants for awhile. They will help you get yourself oriented to work a plan that will make your situation better. Your regular doctor can prescribe antidepressants; you don't need a therapist or psychiatrist. I did it for awhile when things were terrible and it was very helpful. We're going to have to back out and lose our deposit . We can't afford that house for one person. He'll need a small apartment and I'll stay in our original home Ok I'll get antidepressants
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Ok thank you I am trying . Where am I going wrong? Please read our posts. Thanks
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
We're going to have to back out and lose our deposit . We can't afford that house for one person. He'll need a small apartment and I'll stay in our original home
Ok I'll get antidepressants Good girl! Can you ask him to move out and move into a hotel?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok thank you I am trying . Where am I going wrong? Please read our posts. Thanks I have. I understood I was to ask him to cease contact w OW. He refused. So I exposed to kids and said we have to separate.
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I've lasted over a year. I can last longer if I feel like I'm winning him back. Bristol, I want you to meditate on this sentence: You are not winning him back.I'm sorry, but that is the truth. If you have been putting up with this for a year and he is still in contact with the other woman, then you have not won him back and you cannot win him back. Your only hope is to wait this out for the affair to die a natural death. And the affair is going to be like a vat of acid to you. You need to crawl out of that vat of acid and get to a safe place and heal while this goes on - Plan B. You get yourself away from your wayward husband and get yourself taken care of while he and the affair partner rip each other to shreds. But for now you need to concentrate on YOU before it is too late. Plan B.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I'm a bit confused - if you've already signed for the house, why does he need to find a place?
Also, I would see a doctor and get on real medical antidepressants for awhile. They will help you get yourself oriented to work a plan that will make your situation better. Your regular doctor can prescribe antidepressants; you don't need a therapist or psychiatrist. I did it for awhile when things were terrible and it was very helpful. We're going to have to back out and lose our deposit . We can't afford that house for one person. He'll need a small apartment and I'll stay in our original home Ok I'll get antidepressants There's no "we" Bristol. He's going to need to find his own place and pay for it, and he can't stop paying for yours, either. Do what MelodyLane said and tell him to move out now and tell him to find a hotel or whatever. Tell him "Your affair is the most painful thing that's ever happened to me in my life and I can't stand it any more, so as long as you are in contact with this other woman I need you to stay away from me."
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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We're going to have to back out and lose our deposit . We can't afford that house for one person. He'll need a small apartment and I'll stay in our original home
Ok I'll get antidepressants Good girl! Can you ask him to move out and move into a hotel? Yes I did. He will get an apartment
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I'm a bit confused - if you've already signed for the house, why does he need to find a place?
Also, I would see a doctor and get on real medical antidepressants for awhile. They will help you get yourself oriented to work a plan that will make your situation better. Your regular doctor can prescribe antidepressants; you don't need a therapist or psychiatrist. I did it for awhile when things were terrible and it was very helpful. We're going to have to back out and lose our deposit . We can't afford that house for one person. He'll need a small apartment and I'll stay in our original home Ok I'll get antidepressants There's no "we" Bristol. He's going to need to find his own place and pay for it, and he can't stop paying for yours, either. Do what MelodyLane said and tell him to move out now and tell him to find a hotel or whatever. Tell him "Your affair is the most painful thing that's ever happened to me in my life and I can't stand it any more, so as long as you are in contact with this other woman I need you to stay away from me." I told him exactly as you quoted.
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I've lasted over a year. I can last longer if I feel like I'm winning him back. Bristol, I want you to meditate on this sentence: You are not winning him back.I'm sorry, but that is the truth. If you have been putting up with this for a year and he is still in contact with the other woman, then you have not won him back and you cannot win him back. Your only hope is to wait this out for the affair to die a natural death. And the affair is going to be like a vat of acid to you. You need to crawl out of that vat of acid and get to a safe place and heal while this goes on - Plan B. You get yourself away from your wayward husband and get yourself taken care of while he and the affair partner rip each other to shreds. But for now you need to concentrate on YOU before it is too late. Plan B. Ok understood thanks
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Bristol, here is some information for you about how to do Plan B: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787After your husband moves out, if you will follow Plan B, I predict that you will start to feel much better very soon.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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How did the call with Steve go? What did you discuss, and what was his advice?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Sorry for the delay. After my call with Steve I needed some time to digest all of this. I don't think it's the right time. I think I need to go to this new home and build up some positive connections with him. If I do this now he's going to go live there happily without me.
Steve said first to say I want to turn this into something we both enjoy and there's a way . However if he's unwilling to end all contact with the OW (which he refuses because "that's not our problem it's us") then I am to say we must separate .
I don't think I can do this right now.
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Sorry for checking out for a while. Overwhelmed
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Yes but he just tells them that we grew apart and I was responsible too. Then he takes them out and makes nice and they forget about it because they just want to be happy too
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Sorry for the delay. After my call with Steve I needed some time to digest all of this. I don't think it's the right time. I think I need to go to this new home and build up some positive connections with him. If I do this now he's going to go live there happily without me.
Steve said first to say I want to turn this into something we both enjoy and there's a way . However if he's unwilling to end all contact with the OW (which he refuses because "that's not our problem it's us") then I am to say we must separate .
I don't think I can do this right now. Do I understand correctly that Steve told you to separate if your husband won't cut contact right away, but that your are going to disregard his professional advice?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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What is your question for the board?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sorry for the delay. After my call with Steve I needed some time to digest all of this. I don't think it's the right time. I think I need to go to this new home and build up some positive connections with him. If I do this now he's going to go live there happily without me.
Steve said first to say I want to turn this into something we both enjoy and there's a way . However if he's unwilling to end all contact with the OW (which he refuses because "that's not our problem it's us") then I am to say we must separate .
I don't think I can do this right now. Do I understand correctly that Steve told you to separate if your husband won't cut contact right away, but that your are going to disregard his professional advice? I'm not sure
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