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Listen,
As a woman from a very Christian background, the only women who ever say silly stuff like this -ALL of them are in an affair.
Every. Single. One.

Its called re-writing history. So all the stuff she is saying is gaslighting. Its not true.

Some Christian gals just try to use really elaborate means to hide their affair. All this stuff about sin, my goodness, do they read a book!!! It is exactly like other women I have only seen come from the church.

You need to snoop like crazy and stop listening to your wife.

Think of it like an addiction.. If she was a falling down drunk, would you really believe a word she said?

Please Please use your intelligence here to over ride your instincts. Snoop. [u][/u]


BW-3 Kids
Sep:2014
Divorced

"I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
I will persist until I succeed." Og Mandino
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I just want to also say what everyone else has said, not only does she sound very wayward in how you describe her, but on her own thread she talks about a 'friend' in a very alarming way. There is no question that you are battling an affair here, there isn't even a question as to who its with because she readily admits it.

You need to snoop and find out just what is going on with this guy (clearly it has already gone over the line emotionally) and we can advise you how to proceed from there. As Elaina said, you are dealing with a falling down drunk right now in terms of the nonsense that she says. Just disregard that for now and get the facts here. Can you do that?

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"I know what that chemistry is, and I know what it is to joyfully and wholeheartedly serve out of love. I know what it is to want to submit and serve, because I want to lift the other up, out of an overflow of God's love for me. Not subservience, but a powerful association of equals. Perfect? No. Sometimes infuriating? Yes. Painful? Sometimes. But synergistic, not parasitic or mechanical. And no, it wasn't a "romantic" relationship.

That was a long-standing friendship, pre-dating meeting my husband, which I gave up for the sake of this marriage, because said friendship was condemned as being a "slippery slope," etc, and a danger to the marriage, and my husband was uncomfortable with it. And still is, even though it's no longer a thing.

That relationship was not viable as romantic because he was married when I met him, albeit out of similar motivations as I had in marrying my husband. Before I knew he was married, I was aware of a point in time when my heart and soul said with finality, "this one." This one, I chose to love. Not in the romantic sense, necessarily, (no lust, no need, and no sense of pressure or obligation) but unconditionally, though the relationship itself was conditional.

Over the years, the friendship challenged me, pushed me to grow. Forced me to examine myself, my opinions and viewpoints, my attitudes, without making me feel inferior or ignorant. The friendship lit me up from the inside out, made me want to be better. There were no warm fuzzies, and to be frank, at first, I would just as soon have hissed at him as spoken to him. Because he was a cop (and I hadn't had any good experiences with cops) who was assigned to my case when I had a bunch of stuff stolen several years before I met my husband.

Anyway, all that is to say... had my friend and I both been single at that point in time, well, we wouldn't be having this discussion. I'd probably be having a, "this man and his behavior is driving me crazy, how do I handle it" discussion. (Haha. It's a human nature joke. Because it's true.) But those are challenges I would have leaned into, because although it would have been difficult, it would have been what I had wanted, freely chosen, and because I wanted to fight for it, even when it made me cry.

Obviously, that couldn't happen, and I have a different set of challenges. I get that. I accept that. I don't hold that friendship up on a pedestal, or idolize or idealize it, because like I said, every relationship has its own problems. Every one has its frustrations and obstacles, because every one of us is human.

That person, that relationship, is something I had to let go of, because, guess what, I married someone else. And because the effects of that friendship weren't one-sided."

This is how your WIFE describes a DIFFERENT MAN who she has had a relationship with while you were married, up until a couple of weeks ago if I remember correctly. In case you are wondering, this is the very essence of an emotional affair (and I am guessing it was probably physical at some point too, given it went on for years). It is very clear that she is in love with this man, even if that is a fantasy love. This is why she is unable to love you and why she is rewriting history to give herself an out. This is the enemy, not some fogbabble.

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Originally Posted By: jltab0
She keeps saying that our relationship never felt like a marriage. She says instead of marrying me she promised prostitution in exchange for money, safety, security, food, and shelter. We did have sex prior to us being lawfully wed. She says that her marrying me was a sin because she deceived me, she doesn't see how it could ever be made right. She says how can God bless a marriage based on her sin. She also believes our daughter was born out of sin to remind her of her sin. She says she just isn't wife material and wants to be completely free to be who and what she wants to be without any strings attached. She however desires to keep the free healthcare, the income that I make, and reassurance her needs will be met. Also she says the military doesn't matter, its just she hates Hawaii with all her heart because its a trap, she says it wouldn't matter if I got out of the military, she still wouldn't want to love me.

Its horrible to think the happiest thing to ever happen to me (marriage to my wife) is the worst she says happened to her.

She is wayward. Everything she is saying is typical for a wayward wife to say. Women don't talk like this unless there's an other man (OM) in the picture.

The man she calls "friend" is the OM. She may have others, and you should look for them. Snoop and find any correspondence between her and the OM.


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

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You should not consent to her leaving the state with the kids. You may have difficulty getting them back.

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I am for sure she isn't having a physical affair with him. Emotional or a infatuation possibly, she has stated that she is an intellectual-sexual. He is married and told both me and her to never contact him. She keeps insisting that he is a big part of who she is as a person, and talks about him every day, and tells me if you cannot accept that then im not accepting her as a person.
She also tells me , that to her we are not married, our definitions of marriage are different she says its not marriage if the heart isn't in it, regardless of what was said previously, paperwork and legal terms.

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As you can see, an emotional affair is just as damaging to a marriage as a physical affair.


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You need to gather the evidence of her affair, and expose it. Please read this thread: Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: jltab0
I am for sure she isn't having a physical affair with him. Emotional or a infatuation possibly, she has stated that she is an intellectual-sexual. He is married and told both me and her to never contact him. She keeps insisting that he is a big part of who she is as a person, and talks about him every day, and tells me if you cannot accept that then im not accepting her as a person.
She also tells me , that to her we are not married, our definitions of marriage are different she says its not marriage if the heart isn't in it, regardless of what was said previously, paperwork and legal terms.


jltab,

I know that this must be causing you unbearable pain. Affairs like this always do.

I want you to know that Dr. Harley has decades of experience helping people to survive affairs and even save their marriages. Nothing is happening to you that hasn't happened thousands of times before in other marriages, I am afraid. frown

I want to encourage you to start getting educated about what is going on and what you can do about it.

Please watch Dr. Harley's free video on infidelity:



Please get Dr. Harley's book Surviving an Affair. You can order the ebook version off of Amazon and start reading it immediately.

Please get the Marriage Builders app and start listening to the radio show so you can learn what is going on in your marriage and what you can do about it.

The affair your wife is having is basically transforming her into the equivalent of a heroin addict. Please read MelodyLane's introductory thread explaining what you need to do to kill this addiction so you can get your wife and your marriage back:
Exposure 101


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted By: jltab0
I did write him he didn't answer

Have you still not received an answer from Dr. Harley?

Hit notify and let the MODS know so that they may alert Dr. Harley.


FWW/BW (me)
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Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Finally figured out her issue she doesn't feel anything because she doesn't consider our marriage a ligitimate marriage. Asked her how she would feelb Irvine ever had a affair, she said she would be happy that I found a woman who wants me for who I am

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Originally Posted By: jltab0
Finally figured out her issue she doesn't feel anything because she doesn't consider our marriage a ligitimate marriage. Asked her how she would feelb Irvine ever had a affair, she said she would be happy that I found a woman who wants me for who I am


She doesn't feel anything because she is having an affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: jltab0
Finally figured out her issue she doesn't feel anything because she doesn't consider our marriage a ligitimate marriage. Asked her how she would feelb Irvine ever had a affair, she said she would be happy that I found a woman who wants me for who I am


People are not going to post to you if you do not read our posts. Many people have told you what her 'issue' is, her issue is that she is having an affair. Her not considering your marriage legitimate is affair fogbabble.

If you were married legally and spiritually, this IS a legitimate marriage, not exactly sure why she would think otherwise. Lots of people are unhappy in marriage, that does not mean they are not 'legitimately married.'

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Saying she doesn't feel "legitimately married" is the type of justification we hear from someone who is lost in an affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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It's fog babble...

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Do you plan to get the evidence of her affair and expose it? Did you read the exposure thread?


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

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Hi, jltab, did you see my post?

Originally Posted By: markos
Originally Posted By: jltab0
I am for sure she isn't having a physical affair with him. Emotional or a infatuation possibly, she has stated that she is an intellectual-sexual. He is married and told both me and her to never contact him. She keeps insisting that he is a big part of who she is as a person, and talks about him every day, and tells me if you cannot accept that then im not accepting her as a person.
She also tells me , that to her we are not married, our definitions of marriage are different she says its not marriage if the heart isn't in it, regardless of what was said previously, paperwork and legal terms.


jltab,

I know that this must be causing you unbearable pain. Affairs like this always do.

I want you to know that Dr. Harley has decades of experience helping people to survive affairs and even save their marriages. Nothing is happening to you that hasn't happened thousands of times before in other marriages, I am afraid. frown

I want to encourage you to start getting educated about what is going on and what you can do about it.

Please watch Dr. Harley's free video on infidelity:



Please get Dr. Harley's book Surviving an Affair. You can order the ebook version off of Amazon and start reading it immediately.

Please get the Marriage Builders app and start listening to the radio show so you can learn what is going on in your marriage and what you can do about it.

The affair your wife is having is basically transforming her into the equivalent of a heroin addict. Please read MelodyLane's introductory thread explaining what you need to do to kill this addiction so you can get your wife and your marriage back:
Exposure 101


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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