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He says he can sleep on the couch when he is with me. I said I don't want him to feel like foreigner in his(my) home.
But he insisted on getting his furniture to his mother's apartment.

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Originally Posted By: Armagan
He says he can sleep on the couch when he is with me. I said I don't want him to feel like foreigner in his(my) home.
But he insisted on getting his furniture to his mother's apartment.


Most courts will not go along with that.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Thats not in your son's best interest or yours. The best thing is for your wife to purchase new furniture for him. Can't you do the right thing on your own?

I mean, seriously. Why are you debating with a teenage boy and a fogged out wayward? This is really ridiculous.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Because I feel very weak because everyone in her family is against me, as if it is all my fault.

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Your 14 yr old son does not have the authority to move furniture from your home. You should have put your foot down and not allowed that to happen. You need to be more firm or you're going to get walked all over by your WW when she manipulates your son in order to get her way.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
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How to Plan B Correctly
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Originally Posted By: Armagan
Because I feel very weak because everyone in her family is against me, as if it is all my fault.


My entire ex WH family was against me during and post divorce. Honestly, you need to brush these things off and not let it affect you.

Seriously, you're stronger than this. Who cares what they think of you? You can do this.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
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Originally Posted By: Armagan
Because I feel very weak because everyone in her family is against me, as if it is all my fault.


Your feelings do not have to control your actions. In fact, depending on what actions you choose, your actions will affect the feelings you are going to have in the future.

A lot of times I have to do something when I don't feel like doing it, because I know that down the road I am going to wish I had done it.

We try to achieve happily ever after, here. We want you to have a strong and happy future. Start choosing strong actions that will lead to happiness. Pick your future feelings by your actions.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Armagan Offline OP
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Markos,
How did your story end?
I don't want her to be my ex.

Last edited by Armagan; 10/02/16 09:52 PM.
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I hope you did not give into your WW. She wants to have a second home it is her responsibility to financially provide for it.

You are having all these problems because you will not expose your affair. It is a must that you expose and that include your kids.

You simply say to your son: moms and dads do not have BF/GF and go out on dates with them. Well mom has a BF and is going out on dates with him. This is known as having an affair .This ______(insert OM full name)is who your mom is having an affair with.

This is important for your son to know who the man is that is destroying his family.

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Luckily our son was with me when reading your post. I showed OMs picture and said "This is the man who destroyed our family"

And he said "It is you" frown


After various attempts I reached my wife via whatsapp. As usual she said she doesn't love me anymore, and after all exposure she can only be with me after we divorce, which she doesn't want at all. May be a few years later, she said.



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Originally Posted By: Armagan
Luckily our son was with me when reading your post. I showed OMs picture and said "This is the man who destroyed our family"

And he said "It is you" frown


After various attempts I reached my wife via whatsapp. As usual she said she doesn't love me anymore, and after all exposure she can only be with me after we divorce, which she doesn't want at all. May be a few years later, she said.


A very, very, extremely immature way for a dad to tell his son that his mom is having an affair.

I spelled out a simple clear and to the point exposer to use with a child. Just the facts. No where did I say blame the WW or the OM, no histrionics oh the wow's is me, this ..... destroyed...... makes you sound weak and worse then a woman, not the image for a son to respect.

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Originally Posted By: TheRoad
makes you sound weak and worse then a woman

Worse than a woman?

The women on this site who exposed to their children and fought for their marriages can wipe the floor with men like you who are still in limbo for one reason or another.


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Have you read this!

Exposing to Children


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: TheRoad
A very, very, extremely immature way for a dad to tell his son that his mom is having an affair.

I would just point out that the poster told his son that his mother was having an affair, several days ago.

When he said today that he pointed to a picture and identified OM, that was as a response to the post that said that he needed to let the boy know who the man was. He said that the boy was with him as he was reading that post, so he pointed to the picture there and then.

He is not saying that the picture was the way he exposed the affair - just that it was the way he specifically identified OM. Showing the boy OM's picture was actually a good thing to do.

This thread has become sidetracked by the suggestion that the poster has not exposed to his son. He has done that. He did it days ago. However, his son, for some reason, is taking his mother's side, and agreeing with her view that his father broke up the family by his treatment of his mother.

His son's attitude is a big problem, but it is not caused by the fact that the poster did not expose to his son. He did.


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Are you documenting everything?
Document Document Document


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Armagan Offline OP
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Yes I am documenting.

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I agreed to divorce in order to protect my apartment. She will talk to an attorney today for discussing my settlement conditions. If we cannot agree on divorce conditions, prosecution will last for 2 years and our lives will be very painful and we'll hate each-other.

I am resisting her divorce suggestion for weeks. I am 100% sure that affair is over. She says she has to divorce after all exposure, and she can't look at the faces our friends, neighbors in this situation. I guess I understand her. She moved to a new apartment with our son(14).

At the moment she doesn't want me anymore, or anyone else. And she says she won't marry anyone in the future. Even if we be together in the future she doesn't want to live in the same house, or with anyone else. Eventually she'll need someone to love after a while. And I want to be there when she needs.

She still shows no remorse or ask for forgiveness. She says she want me to let her go. I don't know if I should let her go or go for Plan A/B since we are divorcing.

I still want her back but I don't want to spend another 4 months in pain if she won't come back.

Suggestions?

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I would wager the affair is still active as evidenced by her decision to move out and her anger over the exposure. Anger over exposure is always because of the FOG and the fog comes from the AFFAIR. You have no reason whatsoever to believe the affair is over.

You should just stay in Plan A, as I told you before, but protect yourself legally. Not a smart idea to allow your wife to manage the divorce because she is wayward. YOU should do that.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Summary:
Me: 44 WW:39 DS:14. OM:39 and Married with a child. We all live in Istanbul.
08Jun2016 I lost my job
12Jun2016 She wanted some time alone and my first suspicions started
16Jun2016 I set up remotely accessible microphone and I went to a vacation on her request with our son. (big mistake)
17Jun2016 I heard about her EA(may be PA) while WW telling her best friend. I phoned and told her about my spying and she promised that its over and only EA, limited with social media and we agreed on recovery.
02Jul2016 We went to a vacation with our son and we were quite happy other then she didnTt want to have sex.
10Jul2016 Back to home together but she continues to see OM (which I didn't know at that time)
08Aug2016 I felt safe and I went to a vacation alone (biggest mistake)
20Aug2016 We went to a vacation (me and WW). It was like second honeymoon. A lot of sex and affection.
26Aug2016 She returned home I take our son and go to vacation. And she continued to see OM (which I didn't know at that time)
08Sep2016 I went back to home and after that I later find that she had only one contact with OM after my last (this) return and it is to end the affair.
10Sep2016 We went to a vacation with our son and we agreed on recovering our marriage.(at that time I knew their relationship as only EA over social media)
17Sep2016 We went back to home and I find evidence (19Sep) on her phone that they actually saw each-other frequently.
19Sep2016 Their last meeting in a shopping center)
20Sep2016 I have exposed to close friends, her boss, her sisters and our son
22Sep2016 She admitted that affair was not only emotional but also gone physical on July (twice she says).
26Sep2016 I have exposed to OM's bosses. I have installed webwatcher on her phone. I read the book "Surviving an Affair"
27Sep2016 I have exposed to OM's wife and WW's mother. WW pissed off and She left the house with our son. All of her friends and family respects her decisions.
??Oct2016 She consistently says she wants to divorce and I say I don't want to divorce and I want to recover our marriage. I agreed to file her for not loosing my house.(legal issues in here)
24Oct2016 I have found a job
Oct/Nov2016 We meet once or twice a week for an hour. Talk frequently. I'm in plan A. Sometimes we kiss eachother. When I say I love her, she says back she loves me too sometimes. No contact with OM since the beginning of October(I am spying remotely).
She doesn't believe that we can be happy together again and I am trying to convince her that it is possible following MB rules. She says she has a lot of doubts. I also think that it won't work if she goes on her independent behaviour.
______My Question___________
Since I am in Plan A, When and how can I convince her to apply Dr. Harley's policies, without being demanding? Is it too early? Please guide me for the steps.
____________________________
Notes: We'll be on the court on 23Dec2016 for divorce.
If you want any specific details please let me know.

Last edited by Armagan; 11/05/16 01:07 AM.
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I proposed her to go out this Saturday. She said she'll go to cinema with a girl friend. As soon as she said that she searched movies(thanks to webwatcher). Most probably she lying.
I don't know what to do. Please suggest.

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