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Today is the day. I took off from work and went and drove to wait at the store until WW leaves for work.
Yesterday was weird. WW texted several times throughout the day asking why do I love her and stuff like that. And then last night she looked like she was crying a few times and was very depressed and went to bed 2 hours early. Not sure what that is about. There is no way she knows I am leaving today. I guess maybe her and OM had a fight or maybe she is sad she has to stay with me to have money and insurance and a babysitter.

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You are going to need to make a conscious effort to avoid analyzing every nuance in her behavior. Separating will help, but you need to try to break this habit if you are to gain any relief from Plan B.


me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Praying for you. She may try to manipulate you and guilt you. Don't give in. You deserve better than a marriage where your wife pines after another man and won't commit to you. You matter. If you ever have contact with her again, it must be because she has agreed to extraordinary precautions and has committed to making the marriage work.


Remarried 7/16
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Thanks to everyone. And thanks for the prayers nmwb77.

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Originally Posted By: mrEureka
You are going to need to make a conscious effort to avoid analyzing every nuance in her behavior. Separating will help, but you need to try to break this habit if you are to gain any relief from Plan B.


I agree with this. Every time your thoughts start to drift this way, you need to redirect yourself. Avoid writing about her here. Tell us about the new Plan B things (hobbies, self care etc) you are doing for yourself and your kids.

Hang in there.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
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How to Plan B Correctly
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How are you holding up, Bob?


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I had a setback, don't fuss at me too much. While I was getting things ready tuesday I started to feel worse and worse. I thought it was just nerves or stress, but I felt so bad and weak that I went to the doctor and found out I had strep throat. So I got my medicine and pretty much slept all day and didn't get to move out yet. Yesterday evening I felt a little better, so I gathered up everything I could move without WW noticing, and brought it to my mom's and got my room set up over there.

So today I am leaving work early to get the remainder of my stuff and I will be at my mom's tonight.

I wish I had left sooner though, because WW keeps talking about "us" and why we should be together. She was saying she knows she hurt me and all that and she is sorry for not being able to figure out what she wants. But it quickly turned into her bringing up past problems in our relationship to justify the affair. So I just repeated that I am changed now and will do whatever I can to save the marriage. So hopefully she will leave me alone until I get moved out tonight and can block her phone number and all other contact before she upsets me more.

I feel ok mentally. Just kind of numb and taking it one hour at a time, but looking forward to being free. I'm still scared of the future some, but mostly looking forward to it. Physically, I'm tired and weak and shaking a lot. Not sure how much is the strep throat and how much is just stress.

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What I am hearing is that you are finally going to Plan B, and while I agree with you and wish you had taken our advice and gone sooner, I am glad to hear you are finally going. You need it, badly.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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The stress has probably compromised your immune system, making you more susceptible to strep throat.


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

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Originally Posted By: Dollarbob
I had a setback, don't fuss at me too much.


I think you are viewing going to Plan B as a setback, and it is not.

Please make sure this is a real Plan B.

If you continue to see or talk to your wife, then it's not Plan B.

My wife is right, the stress has probably compromised your immune system. You literally need to heal or this is literally going to kill you. So do not compromise your Plan B.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Bob, I have followed every word of this thread from the beginning and have often used it for inspiration. I have also found similarities in my situation as well (I guess there are similarities in all of our circumstances). You have my prayers to add with the others.

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Thanks PTSD, and everyone else. I need all the prayers I can get. Pray for the kids too if you don't mind. They still haven't really got the full effect yet.

My plan B didn't start off quite as planned. WW came home early from work while I was getting ready to leave. She told me she had to tell me something. And she told me she had been talking to OM the past couple months and talked to the girl he had his first affair with. I lied and told her I knew they had been talking and that I also had to tell her something. I showed her the divorce papers and gave her my letters I had written already.

She started crying and saying she was trying to end it on her own over time but also that she understands it hurts me. She also said she didn't want to hurt either of us, me or OM. She said she wished I had communicated with her better and let her know what was going on. I stayed strong and unemotional and said I waited 9 months and gave her plenty of time, and that I don't want a divorce but I can't take any more pain.

She called my mom earlier and said she isn't going thru her to communicate with me. So I sent her a message saying she has no choice since I am blocking her in every way possible. She also told my mom that she wants me to stay at the house with her on Christmas for the sake of the kids.

She gets to take the kids for a week this sunday. So that is going to be rough. So far I have only been mildly depressed. A couple times I panicked a little thinking "did I make the right choice".

The lawyer said he can include in the divorce a provision that says neither of us are allowed to have any significant others allowed around the children until the divorce is finalized. Should I put that in, to keep OM away from the kids? I can't decide if I want to or not. I kind of want WW to see the difference in our parenting pretty quickly while she still remembers how good of a father I am. But I also don't want him around the kids either.

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Quote:
The lawyer said he can include in the divorce a provision that says neither of us are allowed to have any significant others allowed around the children until the divorce is finalized. Should I put that in, to keep OM away from the kids? I can't decide if I want to or not. I kind of want WW to see the difference in our parenting pretty quickly while she still remembers how good of a father I am. But I also don't want him around the kids either.

Yes, you should put that in. Protect your kids. Your focus needs to be completely on them, now.


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

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I agree with Prisca.

Now that you are in Plan B you have to stop worrying about what WW thinks/see/wants etc. Redirect yourself when your thoughts stray that way.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
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How to Plan B Correctly
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I've been feeling surprisingly better than I expected. WW keeps trying to contact me to complain how bad the kids are being. Yesterday was the first day she had the kids all day by herself since they were born. Everyday in the past I was there to entertain them so WW could do whatever she wants. Yesterday was the first day without the kids, where I could focus entirely on myself for the first time.

Today will be worse for her since she has to leave straight from work and pick them up and take care of them. I am afraid the stress will get to her and the kids will get neglected or yelled and cursed at. Not sure what to do about that.

Last night though the kids seemed fine and normal without me there. I don't think the 5 year old really understands yet. But I told him I can't stay there because mama has a boyfriend and isn't supposed to.

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How do you know that she keeps trying to contact you, and how do you know that it's to complain about the kids?


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Bob,

"Everyday in the past I was there to entertain them so WW could do whatever she wants."

Very revealing about your M Bob, indicating you two never had a partnership, and that you were willing to enable her from early on. My wife and I when our kids were young, like many other couples, found things that kept us united, rather than granting a partner an LOA.

More realistically: 1) did you prepare and give your WW a Plan B letter before you left, 2) did you take your kids in private and explain to them why you are leaving home suddenly (and, an explanation via on phone is not acceptable, 3) do you even have an IM who can receive calls from your WW (receiving and listening to voice mails from her is Not Plan B, and 4) you need to get over your obsession with your focus on your wife's reactions and thinking. You've not been clear on any of these points.

Tom





It sounds like you are wishing and hoping that she feels miserable since you left home.

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1)yes
2)yes
3)yes but I had to chastise her because she was telling me details.
4) trying to, and it did feel good a little to know she feels miserable but at times I feel sorry for her and I am trying not to.

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What activities are you doing for yourself?


FWW/BW (me)
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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Not much yet. I've been working late a lot, but it's been entertaining because I have a new coworker and he is funny and I really enjoy hearing all his stories. And I'm good at my job so I get some pride out of that.

I've been having car trouble, so I mess with that a lot in the evenings. I've been able to watch some TV shows regularly for the first time in years too.

I plan to go back to the gym soon. Haven't been in 4 months. That's at the top of my list.

I've also been reading "A Purpose Driven Life" and trying to get closer with God, since I've been ignoring him a lot the past few years. I tried to go to church last Sunday, but my car broke down on the way and I missed it. I'm debating on going to the smaller church with my parents, or joining a large church with lots more people in my age group. I noticed one church I pass by sometimes had a sign that said something about "singles". So that may come in handy in the future. When I do date eventually (if I end up divorced), I would rather stay out of the bars and nightclubs. But that's far in the future.

I've been feeling great until this evening. I felt like I had already moved on that quickly and was contemplating telling WW the door to reconciliation was closed now. But so far this evening I am a little sad.

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