What's going on with the spyware?

Even if you expose this and bust up the affair, the only way for you to ensure the affair hasn't gone further underground or to ensure it doesn't flare back up in a few weeks or months is to have spyware on her phone.

There is nothing to give a 'shot' here Keebler. She has basically told you she is chosing him, and leaving you for him. What exactly are you giving a shot?

We told you there was an affair and you refused to snoop, saying you 'know her' and you 'know him' and know there is not an affair. We told you to snoop and find out the truth and you refused because it was too expensive and you just didn't want to. We told you to read exposure 101 so that when you did have the evidence you could do a thorough exposure and kill this affair, and you decided to do your own sloppy one person exposure with no evidence. Is this all your idea of giving it a shot? You, my friend, are not being strategic or following a plan. You are just 'reacting' to the circumstances, instead of taking control and fighting it.

If you really want to give this a shot, then you need to start following advice. If I haven't mentioned it already, the advice comes from Dr Harley who has been dealing with affairs for over 40 years. 40 years! He has figured out a plan that gives you the best chance possible to save your marriage. Do you think you know more than Dr Harley about how to fight affairs and save your marriage? You are following Plan Keebler right now and it is not working.

Every day that goes by makes this MORE difficult to save. You have already wasted valuable days and made strategic mistakes. You cannot afford to make any more. You cannot afford to let your fear run the show.

1) Get spyware on her phone and her car. Do it today.
2) Make your exposure list based on the exposure 101 thread. Do it exactly as is recommended, you cannot afford another halfway exposure.
3) Get the evidence, and expose far and wide. NOTE: I have never seen this push AP's into each others arms. Sometimes, the exposure comes too late and is not done right and the affair is far enough entrenched that they stay together DESPITE the exposure, but they never stay together BECAUSE of the exposure.

Tell us your plan for getting this all done.

Well the last few days have definitely been eye opening. Turns out, the woman I thought I knew has been having sex with this other guy for who knows how long. I still have hopes to rekindle our marriage, but she has zero desire. Turns out I didn't need soyware on her phone to get evidence. I simply blocked his number from calling hers and their conversation switched from text and snapchat to facebook messenger which I have access to hers. I now know exactly how entrenched the affair is and a lot of things I wish I didn't. They thought I was going to move out of my own house and he was going to move right in and that they were going to live happily ever after. I made it clear I wasn't leaving by changing the locks and throwing a bag full of her clothes in her car. She got the hint. Later that night, they were at a hotel together amd they had sex and he then apparently asked her to leave because he wanted to work on his own marriage. She came home and begged me to let her in. I left her alone at home last night and today I am going to go over tell her its either our faamily or him. And if she chooses him, I am going to invite her to leave. I have plenty of evidence now to expose the affair the proper way and will be doing so TODAY. My goal is to create such a shock to the system that she realizes how weak her relationship with her affair partner really is. I am honestly pissed at myself for not listening to you guys earlier but, as I am sure you've seen often, I was in denial. Without hard proof, how could I assume there was anything going on? Let me know what you folks think about my plan.

Who is on your exposure list? And when will you be exposing?

And ask the MODS to move your thread to SAA.

My exposure list hasn't exactly been compiled yet. But it is going to include everyone.

I think you need to ask US what your plan should be, based on Dr Harley's plan, instead of asking us what we think of 'your plan.' You are still making decisions based on emotions and not strategy.

Did you read Exposure 101? Are you planning to follow the templates in there?

keebler, go read the thread linked in my signature and get the affair epxosed today. Be sure and contact the OM's wife again and tell her everything you know.

The affair needs to be exposed at work, too, and your wife needs to NEVER go back there again.

But we told you...we told you the proof was that she was not interested in the marriage, that she was saying ILYBINILWY and that she was texting men that she had feelings for. We told you was an affair. I had much less information in my case when I first knew something was terribly wrong with my ex H.

Folks that come here and are in denial and ignore advice are typically people that make decisions based on feelings vs logic.

Part of good decision making in life is setting aside your feelings and listening to OBJECTIVE experienced third parties, especially when you are dealing with a situation that you have no idea about.

Do you think you are capable of doing that? Because I still see signs that you are not really listening.

We really do want to help you and this situation is fixable, but cherry picking and doing Plan Keebler will just make a bad situation WORSE.

Nobody told you to do this. You are correct that you shouldn't have left but throwing her out this way is not what Dr Harley would have advised. That was a big love buster.

This is not what we would have advised you to do.

You are putting the cart before the horse. Sometimes it takes a few days for the exposure to fully sink in and won't help you to have a come to jesus with her on the same day you do a nuke exposure.

Please just focus on doing a proper exposure and then we will tell you the next steps. Read Exposure 101 and tell us who you will be exposing to and in what manner.

The goal of exposure is to add reality and help burst the fantasy bubble. Your wording here in addition to what you have already written concerns me. You don't need to embellish Dr Harley's Plan A - be calm, firm about your exposure (don't apologize for it) while at the same time meeting her ENs (sometimes this means just making the home inviting and being a good caregiver to your children) and avoiding love busters.

While I appreciate the wise words here, my plan worked. He went back to his wife, and mine returned to me. I know I could have done things differently but what I did worked. We are now on the road to recovery and I feel very optimistic that we are going to be great.

Let us know when you are ready for objective experienced advise.

I am guessing you might be when 1) the affair rekindles (which it will in like, a day, since it was not exposed properly and no precautions have been taken to end contact for life and 2) you have another DDay, which sadly is inevitable.

If it were only this easy to kill an affair and 'recover'.... But it's not. Sorry.

I agree with unwritten. Let us know when you're ready to follow a plan to recover your marriage. Without affair proofing your marriage and a plan to build up your marriage to be better than before the affair, you're headed for repeat D-days, which we have seen happen many times when no precautions are put in place.

Also, read this.
False recovery need voices of experience

Any person that has really recovered from an affair would NEVER emphatically declare that any plan had "worked" one day after dday.

No offense, but that is a ridiculous statement.

She quit her job? Did you expose at work?

I am unclear what gives you the idea you are on the road to recovery? What gives you that idea because we don't see that.

This may have been the most frustrating thread I have ever read in my life. Why come here for advice if you are unwilling to follow any that people that have been through this give you?