Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 225
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 225
Rob,
The point of the finances is not that you just stop looking for more work when YOU feel things are better. It might seem strange to you but it's possible that the OM money is a big draw. For some women Financial Security is a primary need, not just temporarily but that you plan in such a way she will be taken care of to her comfort level on into the future. In your story it does look like this could be a big deal to your wife.


Married to Pearlseeker for 13 yrs
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
R
rob68 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
Hi buildsherhouse,yes i see your point.And will take it onboard,thanks

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
Originally Posted By: rob68
Hi livingwell.Joyce contacted me a couple of days ago and asked me to email her the details.Which I did.
Have not heard anything else yet.Thanks for asking.
I also don't know if she has been to the doctors yet.
I hope she hasn't turned my step daughter against me as I have sent a few texts but haven't heard back.cheers rob

Have you sent her another email incase your reply got lost some how?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
R
rob68 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
Just re sent it brainhurts.Thanks

Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
R
rob68 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
Here is a copy of my plan A letter,i haven't sent it yet and wondered what peoples opinions were.thanks.



Hello xxx,
I just wanted to let you know that I have been sorting all the dept's out on the house.A local charity is going to pay off the old council tax and rent arrears and I am looking for more work.So things are looking much better for the future.
I also wanted to let you know that I think about you all the time and love you so very much.I would of never have married you if I didn't want to grow old with you.I know it started as a one night stand but it became a marriage.
I think about all the days out we had as a family unit,like going to lynton and lynmouth and driving over exmoor.Or even going to Cheddar.And all the holidays we had at grumpy Wendys and not forgetting Tenby.
I shall really miss it all, and your companionship.
I felt I could always be myself with you and that is a lovely quality that you bring out in people.You have a lot of lovely qualities.That is why i fell in love with you.It took me a long time I must admit.But it was well worth it.
I spoke to Jenny xxx the other day and she said to me that I was a good looking man and that I would find someone else.I told her that I didn't think I was good looking and that I didn't want anyone else.
I don't think I will ever find anyone who I love as much as I love you.And that is why I just haven't given up on you.
I understand that you have emotional needs and I feel, with a lot of honesty and talking we could have a great marriage.Much better than before.
I felt board and rejected a lot of the time and we were stuck in a rut taking each other for granted.But things could be so much better if you would give things a chance.
This has been by far the most painful experience of my life.xxx and I have been totally destroyed by this affair.For children divorce means that the fairy tale is officially over.Children from broken homes are never the same again.
So if you would be willing to finish the affair and wanted to really talk things over and put a plan in so we could have a really great and fulfilling marriage.I would be happy to talk.It can be done.And we could do it.
But if you are not willing to do these things then I have to protect my self mentally and move on with my life.
from rob





Last edited by rob68; 01/30/17 07:43 AM.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,784
Likes: 1
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,784
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: rob68
Here is a copy of my plan A letter,i haven't sent it yet and wondered what peoples opinions were.thanks.



Wait and see what Dr Harley advises. Don't send anything now. We will help you create a love letter that will bring tears to her eyes.

Great news that you will have more work, that will be very helpful no matter what happens.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
R
rob68 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
Hi living well.Funny enough I had an email from joyce today and she said she hadn't heard from me.Even though I sent two emails.I worked out that if you just press reply it doesn't work with Joyces.
I hope I have got it sussed now.So fingers crossed.
Do you live in America livingwell.Or are you British like sugarcane

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,784
Likes: 1
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,784
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: rob68
Hi living well.Funny enough I had an email from joyce today and she said she hadn't heard from me.Even though I sent two emails.I worked out that if you just press reply it doesn't work with Joyces.
I hope I have got it sussed now.So fingers crossed.
Do you live in America livingwell.Or are you British like sugarcane


I am British but mostly live in the US.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
R
rob68 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
You probably know some of the places I mentioned in my plan A then living well

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
Good that you heard back from Joyce. What is the plan from here? Will you be on the show?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
R
rob68 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
Hi brainhurts,Joyce said I will let you know when we have discussed your email on the M.B. Radio Show. You will then be able to listen to dr harleys response.

Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
R
rob68 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
When my daughter went shopping the other day with her mum,my wife stayed at her friends house and my two stepsons were there with her.
I spoke to one on the phone and he said the om gives her his credit card so she can catch a taxi down and food etc.
my ww told her son that the om trusts her 100 percent.I can't help thinking that this is one of his manipulating techniques.He is basically saying by doing these gestures,stick with me I have money and making her feel special and trusted.I can't help thinking how gulliable she is

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,784
Likes: 1
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,784
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: rob68
When my daughter went shopping the other day with her mum,my wife stayed at her friends house and my two stepsons were there with her.
I spoke to one on the phone and he said the om gives her his credit card so she can catch a taxi down and food etc.
my ww told her son that the om trusts her 100 percent.I can't help thinking that this is one of his manipulating techniques.He is basically saying by doing these gestures,stick with me I have money and making her feel special and trusted.I can't help thinking how gulliable she is


How are you doing with getting more work? I suspect that these gestures mean a lot to her.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
R
rob68 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
I haven't got much more work yet.I have to combine it with taking my daughter to school and being home when she comes back.And the dog needs a good walk as well.
There is not that much work about around here at the moment.
But my ww doesn't know about it because I haven't seen her.
Do you think dr harley will give me a plan A.Joyce didn't mention it.Only that when it was on MB radio she would let me know.
A big part of me thinks why should I bother writing another letter.She's the cheater and there's me apologizing.When I say another letter I wrote her two shortly after we broke up.

Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
R
rob68 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
You would think my WW would be bored out of her mind just sat next to him all day and night.It's most strange.You could make a film of it and still people wouldn't believe it.
My WW said I never did a lot around the house.Well she has gone from one vegetable to another.And who would have thought she even liked vegetables anyway.lol

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
Originally Posted By: rob68
I haven't got much more work yet.I have to combine it with taking my daughter to school and being home when she comes back.And the dog needs a good walk as well.

That's what childminders are for, and you can pay someone to go to your house and walk the dog at lunchtime. There are also many breakfast clubs and after school clubs at primary schools these days. All the schools local to me have them.

I and my friends were working mothers, and we had to find ways of getting care for our children. With one single girl (one child is easy to care for), you might even be able to find another stay-at-home parent at her school, who needs the money and will gladly have her. You only need to walk her to the neighbours in the mornings and evenings.

You urgently have to find solutions to the problems of being a low earner, or under-employed.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Originally Posted By: rob68
I haven't got much more work yet.I have to combine it with taking my daughter to school and being home when she comes back.And the dog needs a good walk as well.


Isn't your daughter 13 years old? I don't know about the laws in other countries, but in the US this is old enough to be home alone, and even babysit smaller children.

Do you have a transportation system to get her to school and back? If so, could she not use that and be home alone until you get there after school?

I haven't read your entire employment issues, but I don't know many women who would be OK with their spouse using these as reasons he could not work. The dog can go for a walk after work. The 13 year old daughter can have some responsibilities for the dog. These just seem like excuses to me, sorry.

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
Originally Posted By: rob68
You would think my WW would be bored out of her mind just sat next to him all day and night.It's most strange.You could make a film of it and still people wouldn't believe it.
My WW said I never did a lot around the house.Well she has gone from one vegetable to another.And who would have thought she even liked vegetables anyway.lol

You need to stop this musing about how she can be with this man. The circumstances of his disability are unusual, but really, your wife is behaving like unfaithful spouses behave. She is blind to her own lack of judgment, and wilfully disregarding of the effects of her unfaithfulness on all the people that love her.

Taking time to write here abut how baffling her behaviour is is a waste of time. You are also expressing disrespectful judgements about her. What you should be doing instead, when you recall what she used to say about you, is realising that she was giving you valuable clues about how you could have better met her emotional needs.

While it was a grave error of judgement for her to embark on an affair, if she is to return to you when it ends, as you hope, you need to be able to show her that you will take her complaints seriously. Musing about how illogical it was for her to complain about you, and then turn to someone who must be doing a much worse job, will get you nowhere.

Also, please try not to be offensive about disability.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
R
rob68 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 106
It is on marriage builders radio now.just go on replay from todays broadcast.It is from 21mins onward.Dr harley didn't mention a plan A

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
Originally Posted By: rob68
It is on marriage builders radio now.just go on replay from todays broadcast.It is from 21mins onward.Dr harley didn't mention a plan A
Great. I won't have time to listen until later and so what was Dr. Harley's advice?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (1 invisible), 13 guests, and 68 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg, Endlessvow
71,682 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,562
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5