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Just one more thing. This is her third affair. First one in 1999 lasted 4 months. Second was a distance affair, so to speak. I found a prepaid cell phone she was using around 2003. Then this one from december 2011 to present. she wants to come straight to my house from OM house with my guarantee it will last on my end. Says she doesnt have anywhere else to go.

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I guess I know what I need to do to move on. I know this is a forum that supports marriage and reconciliation so I thought I'd post here to see if anyone thinks there's hope after 5+ years of this or if I'd be better off just going on.

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Originally Posted by allicantake
Melodylane, Yeah, I heard that. 2 years worth of words and not a single action to go with them.
Did anything change?

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Originally Posted by allicantake
I guess I know what I need to do to move on. I know this is a forum that supports marriage and reconciliation so I thought I'd post here to see if anyone thinks there's hope after 5+ years of this or if I'd be better off just going on.

WE don't support marriage at all cost. Dr Harley says if the affair hasn't ended in 2 years, you should move on.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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So she has been out of contact with you and living with another man for 6 years and she doesn't want to lose you? rotflmao

Sorry for laughing, but Wayward is as Wayward does.

This is a woman who has no regard for you or for the POSOM that she's hooked up with.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life like a yo yo and committing to someone who has no regard for you? You don't deserve that.

Marriage is a vow and a lifelong commitment, so I understand why you are considering this. But, no. you don't need to be in that kind of prison.

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Your ex wife is a serial cheater and has been wayward for most of your M. She's not going to change. She will probably never be happy with just one person meeting her ENs.

Even if she followed through on her promise to come home, do you really want to be with someone will likely never give up their independent behavior and secret second life?


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
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You need to go dark Plan B(no contact with an IM) with your WXW, like we've told you many, many times. She knows she holds you hostage and this is just more of her games with you.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Originally Posted by allicantake
Melodylane, Yeah, I heard that. 2 years worth of words and not a single action to go with them.
Did anything change?

No nothing ever changed. She has kept saying she was coming home and I was her home, the love of her life, and no one could change that. She still lives with OM as I type this. So, no, nothing has changed with her at all, but she's saying I've met someone now and I'm going to throw away my family and 21 years we spent together for a woman I don't even know. I don't know this new woman, true, but I'm not doing that, she did 5 1/2 years ago.

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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
You need to go dark Plan B(no contact with an IM) with your WXW, like we've told you many, many times. She knows she holds you hostage and this is just more of her games with you.

And I should have did exactly this 5 years ago. I didn't and have allowed her to control my life this entire time. Now she says this new person I met must be something else for me to consider walking away from my family for. That's not even halfway right. I devoted over 5 years to trying everything I could to save our marriage. I'm afraid if I let her come back she'll stray again later on even though she says she'd never and she's truly learned her lesson. I've not seen that, it's only been emails. I just don't want to do something I'll regret later. I want and deserve happiness and peace after all this.

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You must not believe her words only her actions. How can you believe anything she says when she writes you and then is sleeping with OM? She has already given you her answer, 5 1/2 years worth. She's not serious at all.

She enjoys cake eating from you and OM.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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You should move on. This contact with your ex is unhealthy and is holding you back from experiencing a more fulfilling relationship.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
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It was an honest mistake to marry WW the first time.

To not divorce WW would not be a mistake only stupid.

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all I can take,
how long did you actually go TRUE No Contact with your ex-wife? (days, months, years, not at all)

In your last post years ago, you stated that it had been 5 days at that point (but then you just went MIA).

Curious if you've ever actually tried to do something different then what you've already proven doesn't work for anyone involved.

Thanks and take care.




Fooling people is serious business, but when you fool yourself it Becomes Fatal.

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[quote=top rope]all I can take,
how long did you actually go TRUE No Contact with your ex-wife? (days, months, years, not at all)

In your last post years ago, you stated that it had been 5 days at that point (but then you just went MIA).

Curious if you've ever actually tried to do something different then what you've already proven doesn't work for anyone involved.

That 5 days was about it. With 3 kids involved with no real help to exchange them between ex and I it was pretty much impossible to go total no contact. I have left her coming back up to her this whole time. Told her she could if she wanted to and knew she could do the work it would take for us. That was insane of me. I just let her control my life for almost 6 years. I read the book No More Mr Nice Guy recently and it helped a bunch. What really made me see the light was meeting someone new and seeing that I don't have to put up with being treated like that. But, the new lady thinks I might let my ex come back someday and she's not willing to risk that and be hurt again like she has before. I don't know how to get her to see that's not going to happen, but she says she knows I've not dated in 5 years so I must be still hung on my ex. It sucks, I feel like I make a step forward and then get set back a mile.


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You can go NC if you really wanted to. We have parents with young kids do it all the time. You just have to want to.

Did you ever read these?

Originally Posted by BrainHurts


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Also, I don't blame the new lady because she has watched your actions and you've never cut contact with your XW and so any smart woman wouldn't want to sign up for that. Sorry to tell you.

Why don't you finally go NC?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I used to really care and it bothered me what my ex was doing, but I couldn't care any less right now what she does or doesn't do. As far as going NC, I haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks except to set a time to swap the kids. I'm tired of this ruining my life.

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Originally Posted by allicantake
I used to really care and it bothered me what my ex was doing, but I couldn't care any less right now what she does or doesn't do. As far as going NC, I haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks except to set a time to swap the kids. I'm tired of this ruining my life.
So are you going to get an IM so you don't have to talk to her at all?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by allicantake
I used to really care and it bothered me what my ex was doing, but I couldn't care any less right now what she does or doesn't do. As far as going NC, I haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks except to set a time to swap the kids. I'm tired of this ruining my life.

Hi, Let me encourage you to explore all options.... You really can go no contact with an ex and I would show your new lady all the steps you are taking to prove that you are not going to go back to her.

1. How old are your kids. At some point, mine can walk into a restaurant by themselves and the ex picks them up from there, we never see each other as the oldest has a phone to contact the ex to let them know they are there.
2. If the kids are young, every police station or library many times have special swaping places for these kinds of situations- check them out.

3. A friend can be an IM and pass along to you only the (can we switch weekends, I can't get kids until this time etc) but you tell them what to respond so you are still never the person to respond to them.OR
4. At this point my oldest is IM. I am to hear nothing about my ex at all except for times/dates on exchanges, all communication goes through him. If a time needs to change, my child and I discuss it and I just tell him what to say back to my ex. It has worked beautifully.


I would also say that as a woman, I wouldn't date a guy who spoke to and saw the ex the way you have. However, if he showed me how far he would go to protect me from the two of you getting back together- then I might give it a shot.

(think about it like this: if you meet an amazing woman but she let her ex hang onto her the same way you have- would YOU feel safe???)


BW-3 Kids
Sep:2014
Divorced

"I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
I will persist until I succeed." Og Mandino
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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
You need to go dark Plan B(no contact with an IM) with your WXW, like we've told you many, many times. She knows she holds you hostage and this is just more of her games with you.

This x10,000.

Plan B her and never see or talk to her again.

Reconciliation, marriage-saving...these things are for people that are REPENTANT and this woman is not. She is your past and she needs to stay there. You will only feel reminded of the affair and divorce any time she contacts you or you see her. It's a recipe for continual misery and it will last as long as you allow it to.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

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