let the kids hear the var and tell them about her plans.

For Pete's sake, the kids don't need to hear the VAR. But they do need to know what their mom is doing and they to hear from you a clear statement that it is wrong. Because another person is involved, they will want to stay with you. Be sure to tell them that this POSOM will be in the picture and you will not abide that. Be clear that they should not even entertain the idea of subjecting themselves to this homewrecker.

but what if the youngest son believes the mother and goes with her?
keep in mind that she's planing to screw him over.
the two son's need proof.

A 13 year old does not need to hear his mother talking about sex with her OM. These kids have seen and heard too much already. They need their father to draw clear boundaries.

yes your right i'm sorry.

(Again, just from my experience)

I am not sure what state you reside in, but my two youngest children are the same ages. (middle child just turned 17) I had this same concern and was told it was the opposite. Both are considered minors until 18 years old. Personally, I would ask the opinion of a second lawyer... if not a third. All will talk with you for free the first time.
I also suggest again, if you allow them to go, then file an emergency petition first thing. Also do what you can to establish their address. I can only guess if she takes them, it is not because she wants them to see or be with you. And think about the likelihood she is going to promote them coming back.

Update: Kind of good news, took lawyers advice on negotiating divorce. Seemed to work. We made progress and child custody terms were acceptable. Need to get paperwork going ASAP.

I think this may have defused her leaving with kids. I don't think she's confident kids will leave with her. I did talk with 13 yr old. He did everything he could do not to cry. He's a good kid. Older son is a little more bitter at WW. I think she is worried that leaving will cause me not to cooperate and she wants an uncontested settlement.

I feel a little better, but I think I will still struggle living with her. At least she was not as nasty towards me. Much more palatable living here after talking divorce.

She seems sad at marriage ending. She was dragging her feet at filing or talking Divorce for quite awhile. I still feel like a backup plan. I need rid of her. I still love her so it's confusing to my heart and mind.

VAR seems to indicate that they are not talking about things in common like work or people in a circle. Also, no suspicious behavior on GPS. Makes me think this guy lives somewhere that is not convenient. This weekend may provide more intel.

Melody - here's an idea I want to run by you.

My father-in-law is divorced from MIL many years ago. On the previous WW affairs, I did expose the affair to him prior to mass exposure. I found him to be very trustworthy and he helped me from the inside providing intel and influencing family.

My full focus is running off Mr. RAT. FIL would have the same goal. He would also believe what I say when I tell him she's in an affair and I need to find out who it is to run him off and protect my kids. He will not want Mr. RAT in the family.

MIL is NOT trustworthy and is a problem. FIL usually helps contain MIL.

What's your thoughts on getting FIL's help, or is it too risky because he's an insider (blood thicker than water)? FIL is already helping WW get a new place, provide support. I know this is not exposure protocol, but could help me find out who Mr. RAT is.

Parents have no clue. They are just going on Fog babble.

Good idea!

Last night VAR recording was a bunch of phone sex. It does seem like he has a significant other. Not much indication as to place they meet or common friends. They are focused on fantasizing. This sucks because I want to quit snooping and focus on the future, but I'm committed to finding out who the OM is.

I do have a VAR in the car again. Hopefully, they meet up this weekend.

My suspicion is a PE teacher at the middle school she works at which is making it harder to detect. I'm sure she goes and sees him on breaks. His Facebook says he's engaged but it hasn't been updated for a long time. WW was teasing about him taking the significant to dinner and casino. But she wasn't going to get jealous. I don't know many people at this school, but I'm sure that if this is true, others would be suspicious.

I may be wrong, but we'll see.

I am thinking about telling her I'm going somewhere this weekend and see what she does. Any thoughts on this tactic?

Also, I would assume I keep the affair on the down-low and not expose until I have the divorce paperwork signed (unless she contests the divorce settlement)?

First, to expose you need evidence.
But when you have evidence that would convince a jury, then I have heard Dr Harley say that if you want to divorce and not recover to wait until it's signed to expose. Then ask for support in exposure to help you heal by yourself.

ok. Thanks buildsherhouse. I asked to meet with WW to discuss Divorce and got some lame excuse why she couldn't. It may be that she just doesn't want to talk, but I am going on a stakeout to see if I can get evidence.

GREAT NEWS - I caught the OM!!!!!! Cheaters are stupid!

I'll post the details later.

I will also share my gps snooping technique.

Good job.

Here's the story.

I had texted WW to meet to discuss divorce. I got some lame excuse that she was going to help mother change out her bed because her back hurt. I asked her when she'd be done and she said she didn't know. I said text me and we can still go. I find out later she had several other plans.

I borrowed another car that was not mine, had my phone ready to record and staked out her location after school to see if OM was there. Found out that answer was NO. Also her intention was to go look at houses with her mother. I got bored of the stake-out and went home. 17 yr old was home. I was feeling really down, and asked him if he wanted to go get something to eat with me. He was eager. We took off to town. WW started on the move from her mothers house. (Mother lives in nearby town.) WW went north to another town. NOW this was unusually. 17yr old wants to follow so we head out.

She gets to the town and stops for 5 minutes at a grocery store. Then takes out to McDonalds and goes driving around. As WW is driving around we assume she picked up OM at grocery store so we headed straight to grocery store. It was not busy so we started scoping out cars. We looked a little suspicious doing this, but I didn't care. One guy came by and said, "Can I help you?".

On GPS, WW and OM stop at the football field of this nearby town and start doing their thing (I assume). They were there for about 45 minutes.

I took pictures of each car that was parked and would delete the ones that left. We got interested in a truck that was parked. I walked up to see if there was something that would identify who owned the truck. GUESS WHAT!! Work ID was hanging from the rear view mirror. I took pictures. The ID had picture, address, company, phone numbers, etc. How dumb! Anyway, as we were waiting, we looked him up on Facebook. He was from our town (which was not where we were at the time) and my WW was one of his friends. Boom, we had the potential cheater. Son and I waited for them to drop off. On their way back, we went into the store so we could record from a window. As the drop was made, they get out of WW's car and start to come in. As they were coming, WW grabs his hand (which we have on video). We take off because they are on their way in and head to the bathroom, it was my son's idea. I told him that they might be heading to the bathroom. So we hid out in the stock room. We waited for 20 minutes until they left (seemed like forever). Of course WW starts calling me as soon as she leaves. I ignore her because I didn't want to accidentally blow our cover. She keeps calling. We decide to head back to home town and get Taco Bell to bring home. I later text her that me and 17yr old went to get Taco Bell because I got tired of waiting for her to come home to talk. That explanation seemed to satisfy her. We came home and ate Taco Bell and acted normal.

Son was very relieved that we got proof because he knows that Mom lies to him.

I also had a VAR in her car so I hope it worked this time. I won't like listening, but it is just more proof.

I took snapshots of GPS screens of where and when. Got video and pictures of ID and truck.

OM turns out to be no one I suspected or knew. Just another one of probably many.

Anyway, THANKS TO ALL THAT HAVE BEEN HELPING. This lifted a burden that I have been carrying through all the years. For those lurkers, post and get help. I would have never got my snooping to the level it needed without a little encouragement from the Vets.

I still have work to do, but I checked this off my list.

Is OM married? Did you make a copy of his Facebook list of friends for exposure? Do you have your exposure list ready?

I have not but will very soon. I do not want to reconcile this time around so I'm waiting for divorce.

Is the OM married?

The OM definitely has a significant other. She doesn't have the same name for some reason.

A friend of mine thought they were married. They have been in a relationship according to Facebook since November 2010.

What are you thinking Brainhurts?