Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 23 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 22 23
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
Find OMs wife and let her know what's happening.

Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
Even if I am going to expose after divorce?

I will need help on steps for my situation.

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
She has a right to know.

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
Shouldn't he try to get the divorce over with first? That will be to his advantage. He doesn't need to sacrifice his interests for the OM's SO does he? We don't even know if they're married. I think he needs to look out for his own interests first. When the divorce is over he should absolutely let the poor woman know.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
I've had a tough day today personally. I finally listened to the VAR in the car. When does the pain go away?

I'm hoping to move on and heal, but I am struggling without exposure. I don't see how I can keep this to myself. I want to bust this affair up.

I am thinking that my kids will not accept OM, so that will be hard for WW.

I keep trying to remember that an alien has taken over my wife. I need to get this divorce through asap.

Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
What about having the betrayed spouse expose?

Would that hurt my negotiation in divorce settlement?

Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 225
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 225
Why don't you write Dr Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com and ask what he advises you do in your situation?

Make sure to include that your WW is a serial cheater and that you just want to divorce and move on and are in the process of divorcing.
Include the ages of your children and your concerns about custody and about the OMs significant other.


Married to Pearlseeker for 13 yrs
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
I wrote in. I'll report back if I hear something.

Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
I didn't hear anything so I am still needing help.

I have divorce paperwork ready to sign with most things agreed. I am still living in the same household and WW continues her affair in my house. This is tearing me up because I know she is having the affair but can't say anything. One of my friends says I should ask her to leave and expose after signing the paperwork. Has anyone had any experience with my situation? Should I expose similar to if I were to save our marriage or limited exposure to family and close friends?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: DeepSorrow
I didn't hear anything so I am still needing help.

I have divorce paperwork ready to sign with most things agreed. I am still living in the same household and WW continues her affair in my house. This is tearing me up because I know she is having the affair but can't say anything. One of my friends says I should ask her to leave and expose after signing the paperwork. Has anyone had any experience with my situation? Should I expose similar to if I were to save our marriage or limited exposure to family and close friends?


Will she sign the paperwork?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
Originally Posted By: MelodyLane

Will she sign the paperwork?


I think she will sign the papers. She's reviewing them now.

I have all the evidence lined out in a video.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
Originally Posted By: DeepSorrow
Originally Posted By: MelodyLane

Will she sign the paperwork?


I think she will sign the papers. She's reviewing them now.

I have all the evidence lined out in a video.

Do you have your exposure list ready for when you expose?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
I have OM Facebook contacts copied. I haven't made out the list yet. I am wondering how widespread I need to expose for my situation.

WW reviewed paperwork. We found some typo's from the lawyer, but there was nothing substantial OM wanted to change in the agreement and parenting plan.

Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
My friends are telling me I need to take back the bed and if she doesn't like it, she can leave. They do not think carrying on an affair in my bed should be tolerated. They also are in favor of exposing her by flaming her. Post video to wall. That might backfire I think. Private message is probably better. Any thoughts why PM works better? My friends also say I should cut off credit cards and quit supporting her.

Kids and WW have off school today. I am suspecting she will go see OM today. He comes home for the weekend. I am already beginning to ignore her which is confusing her. She is manipulating and I'm getting ready to make a stand against her.

OM is not married to his significant other. They've been living together for 6 years, no kids, but both have kids of their own. I live in a smaller town of about 7500 people, so when this gets out it will spread like wildfire.


Last edited by DeepSorrow; 03/24/17 07:01 AM.
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
I think you need to step back a bit and evaluate your motives. The affair should be exposed, but you need to be doing it to get support and not for revenge. Keep that in mind when you do your exposure.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
Deep Sorrow,

Stop vacillating and follow the plan that is in place with Marriage Builders. If you don't execute the plan then you execute (think firing squad) the best possible resolution.

Follow Melody Lane's link for Exposure 101 and just do it. Follow the steps to a T. They work. And then you can get on to the second part of Plan A.

Right now you are all over the place and letting your emotions and the arbitrary advice from friends who are not experts in marriage be the wind that directs your ship. As a result you are getting nowhere fast. It's time to be decisive and put the MB plan in action.

Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
Justyhe3ofus - I'm married to a serial cheater and headed to divorce.

I've been advised to wait to expose. So, I'm looking for help with my situation. I still want to run off OM, get support from friends and family, and protect my kids.

WW has signed divorce settlement on Friday.

Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
MelodyLane - Since WW has signed divorce settlement, I am considering exposing and getting into Plan B pretty soon. I need to be protected from her as she is toxic and it is killing me. I have already started to begin to portray a stronger person to her, not being needy. I have told her I know she is in an affair, and we will not be friends or have a relationship if she continues. She still gaslights because she's been successful in the past. I have not provided specifics.

My 17 year old wants to confront her with me. WW doesn't really care what I think, but her kids are her world (except for right now because of her ongoing affair). I want to show her evidence and ask her to leave the house. She is just hanging around until her new place is ready. I need her out to go into Plan B.

Any help is appreciated.

Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 196
Are you still able to message a non friend on Facebook?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: DeepSorrow
MelodyLane - Since WW has signed divorce settlement, I am considering exposing and getting into Plan B pretty soon. I need to be protected from her as she is toxic and it is killing me. I have already started to begin to portray a stronger person to her, not being needy. I have told her I know she is in an affair, and we will not be friends or have a relationship if she continues. She still gaslights because she's been successful in the past. I have not provided specifics.

My 17 year old wants to confront her with me. WW doesn't really care what I think, but her kids are her world (except for right now because of her ongoing affair). I want to show her evidence and ask her to leave the house. She is just hanging around until her new place is ready. I need her out to go into Plan B.

Any help is appreciated.


DS, I would first expose the affair to everyone, including the OM's SO and family. Expose to her family, your family, etc using the tactics and talking points on my exposure thread. You can leave out the part about wanting to save your marriage.

Exposing the affair before you confront her will catch her off guard and prevent her from spinning the story. She may even leave sooner in order to punish you.

AFTER you have exposed the affair wide and far, your son can have a talk with her, but he must be respectful to his mother. And no, you shouldn't kick her out. When she moves out, you can go into Plan B if you choose.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Page 6 of 23 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 22 23

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 34 guests, and 50 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg, Endlessvow
71,682 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,563
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5