That is excellent! Thank you Happyheart. I am going to print that out and read it through a few more times.

Hello again.

I am not sure what to do........my husband is not interested in coming on the forum.

He is not interested in me meeting any of his needs and doesn't want to meet any of mine. ......he actually said this out loud

He doesn't want me to move out but won't do anything to keep me home. I am supposed to just sit here while he lives his life.

I am so stressed that I am nauseous!

I really need to have a plan for life and I just keep being told that he tried making a life plan 15 years ago but that I wasn't interested. (I was in the middle of raising children and didn't have time to think)
He says that he waited many years for me and now I need to give him time.

Do I just sit and wait?

Are you sure he is not having his own affair now?

100% sure. I know everyone says that to start with but there is no chance. He is extremely moral and has no opportunity.

They all say that, too.

His love bank is empty. Time for just compensation. Read here how to recover.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html

I agree that his lovebank is empty; has been for many years, as has mine.

The letter describes our situation very well.

I would be with my AP and then miss my home, then I would be home and miss my AP desperately.
I often want to run away by myself but sounds like that would be a bad idea.

My husband and I have been on vacation, but he didn't know the truth at that time so I guess that doesn't count. It wasn't a great vacation because I was missing my AP and my husband fed off that and was impatient with me.

My husband still doesn't know everything about my relationship but doesn't think he needs to. Is it imperative to tell him about places we went and things we did? Seems like it would just cause more damage.

Right now my he is letting me live at home as long as I have no contact. The minute I have contact I am to tell my children everything, get out and he will file for divorce.


In my head I understand and totally agree with him, but my heart just goes back and forth. I cannot seem to make a decision and stick with it.....which is why my affair lasted so long.

I have a beautiful home and amazing children but my longing for connection seems to override all sense.

Just like my married ex-boyfriend.

What spyware do you have in place to rule out if he's having an affair?

And listen to the radio clips in here. What is Just Compensation?

You need to end your A and go 100% No Contact forever, even if you don't save your marriage. Your M will either be saved or not, but you need to become a decent human being again regardless.

That will never happen while there is even the slightest possibility of contact with OM.

I would highly doubt him having an affair......he really is quite disciplined.

He has two phones and I know the passwords for both. He leaves his laptop open and accessable at home and works in an office with another family member so would be difficult to hide there.

I think he is just still really angry that I cheated.

I ended the affair and a year later nothing had changed except for my husband being very honest about how much he didn't trust me and how he wasn't ready to make any future plans with me.
He needed more time.

It got pretty lonely sitting around waiting for him to decide it was time to start our life again.

I messed up one too many times and I think he is done.

I seriously doubt they have anything close to a marriage to be saved.

rbabc: Doesn't seem you two have anything to save - whatever marriage you had seems dead. So, after years of betrayal and adultery you think you can garner some sympathy here about how you waited around for a year for your H to bend to you once again. You should simply file for divorce, not to vindicate you against him, but to release him legally from You! Get it?

Tom