]
You should find a way to get out of this one. First off, that is completely unnecessary and secondly, you will find that conversing with her just makes you sick by keeping you triggered.

I haven't changed the locks but need to. That will cause WW to get upset again. She manipulates through anger. 13yr old told me he didn't want to make WW mad at me because he wouldn't be able to see me, so he knows how she is.

The reason I'm selling my house is that we live pretty far away from town. We have 40acres and nice house. It's probably too much for me to afford with child support and having half my money taken from me through divorce.

I agree

In order to manipulate there must be a manipulator and a willing manipulatee. The solution is to stop allowing yourself to be manipulated. The worst thing you can do with a manipulator is to REWARD her bully behavior. Please don't allow this anymore. Your boys, especially, should not see a role model that allows a bully manipulator to bully men.

The 13 yr old can see you anytime he chooses. Please let him know he does not have to stay with his mother. He can stay wherever he chooses.




Hopefully she can't wipe you out. Is your attorney working on a great deal for you? Does your state take adultery into account?

My state has spouse behavior as part of the criteria, but it's not heavily considered. For example, they look at maybe 5 different criteria and spouse behavior is only 1/5 considered.

We have an agreement already signed.

Gotcha.

Well the saga continues. Just found out from a friend who doesn't know this situation let me know that WW got arrested Friday night for a DWI.

Evidently, when she got kicked out of the house, she probably went with OM to the bar. 1:37AM gets pulled over by the state patrol for not using a turn signal. Arrested for Misdemeanor DWI which carries suspension and $6500 fine. WW did not tell me about this. I'm sure she doesn't want me to know, but it is all over the internet.

Can you use this against her in the divorce? For example, can you get primary custody of the kids now?

A DWI is a misdemeanor?? I thought it was a felony everywhere.

I could use it. Her first offense so I guess it's a misdemeanor. I would have to undo the divorce settlement. My plan is to finalize divorce then go after custody. Once divorce is final, she can't come after me for alimony, but we can revisit custody. She doesn't know I know about it. Going to drop it on her to my advantage.

Last night WW was out with OM at the bowling alley. The SO confronted my WW. She said that WW just bit her lip and put her head down but did not say anything.

SO then posted on Facebook the online arrest report today. I think SO wants to save her relationship with OM. I advised her to put pressure on WW Parents, but I'm uncertain whether she can run WW off. SO and OM never got married, and WW is getting divorced. The affair will likely die from the pressure, but it will take a while.

I've been doing pretty well, but I get sad at times. I know I have to keep going, things will get better, and I will have a new life without WW. Its hard and I know a lot of you that are reading this have experienced the same thing as me. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

I am sorry you are sad. I promise it will get better over time and you have a bright future ahead of you.

It doesn't make it one bit better. But as you said many of us are going through the same thing. You and I are the same age, our WW's are the same age, we have been married the same amount of time (within a few years), dealing with multiple affairs, two of my three children are also 13 and a 17. I know what you are going through.

Currently WW is contacts me regarding the kids. I can tell she wants to have more frequent conversations, but I'm not interested in being friends with her. She had the kids last night and without the conflict with me, things are slowing down at least. This weekend will likely be full of conflict as we will be separating the household.

I have about 22 more days before I can submit for the divorce judgment. Removed all her pictures from my Facebook.

Now on to next step that I am contemplating.

My wife is a paraprofessional at a local middle school. She is in special education and assists an autistic kid that is in the 7th grade. She loves her job. The father of the kid works at the same company as me, and is a pretty high position. I know him pretty well and we talk on occasion. He was a victim of his first wife's infidelity and it was pretty public as it involved one of the founder's sons. They love my wife and how she works with their kid. They specifically wanted her to stay with him as he moved from elementary to intermediate school.

So, I am considering telling him about what is going on. I have some reservation because the parents will likely have her removed from her current position. They may not, but I suspect they will. I'm not sure if I should do this because it could come off as revengeful. I'm not sure how much news of her behavior has reached the school since it is in neighboring town. This will be very hurtful to her and she will spray venom at me.

Anyway, I would like some of your thoughts on how to handle this situation.

I guess WW introduced OM to her affair enabling mother. She is moving quickly.

Do you think the parent of her student would help put pressure on ending the affair?

Are you on ADs to help you through this time?

It is very sad when parents enable their children's cruelty.

I am on ADs, and I think that has helped. I am just getting triggered by the OMs Significant Other. I think I need to stop talking with her.

I think their affair is entrenched pretty deep, and there is not much that can be done to kill the affair. The exposure was wide and although cause a problem for them, didn't kill it. They will probably get married. My kids say they won't live with her if she brings him in the house, so maybe this will work out for me.

"So, I am considering telling him about what is going on. I have some reservation because the parents will likely have her removed from her current position. They may not, but I suspect they will. I'm not sure if I should do this because it could come off as revengeful. I'm not sure how much news of her behavior has reached the school since it is in neighboring town. This will be very hurtful to her and she will spray venom at me."

Absolutely, you should tell him. Not because you are "vengeful," but because it is the right thing to do. As a parent he has a right to choose the kind of ppl that associate with his child. That is HIS decision, not yours. Your WW has very poor judgement and that should be a factor for any caring parent.

^^^^ I totally agree!!

If you have no intentions of reconciling with your WW because she is a serial cheater and are intent on divorcing her, why do you care if she continues her affair so long as she keeps your children away from the POSOM? Please keep in mind that you are not dealing with your average child. This is a special needs child whose world can be severely impacted if their normal routine and the "usual people" in their life suddenly change. In my opinion, telling these parents does seem vengeful if you have no intention of reconciling with your WW.

I don't think it's important at all if the exposure seems "vengeful," because the parents right to know supersedes that. The parents have every right to decide what is best for their own child. That is no one else's business. No one else is qualified to decide for them what is best for their child. They can't do that unless they have the facts. This is not about reconciliation, but about the best interest of the child.

And lastly, exposure is always recommended regardless of the desire to reconcile. Dr Harley doesn't tell people to hide an affair if divorce is the desired outcome.