I also want to point out that one of her past affairs was with a student. Given the questionable morals of WW in this situation, I think these parents should be exposed to. It is the right thing to do.

Not only that, but the father is a coworker and friend of DeepSorrow, not just the employer of WW.

I think I will talk to him right after my divorce is final because I want her to have a job when the judge approves. That's about 3 weeks.

The school will likely find out about the DWI and not renew her job for next year anyway.

Today was a tough day. Although my wife took part of our funds, we had a joint account to pay the bills. Unfortunately she took more after we had an agreement not to touch the money, so I immediately moved the rest of the money and shut down all the credit cards.

Those darn waywards. I've always been able to trust her with finances but not so much with her cheating. I guess all morals are gone with her.

I have coached my kids about the OM. They both do not want anything to do with OM and will not stay with her if she moves him into her house. I am expecting this will happen right after divorce.

Has anyone had experience with going after custody if she moves OM in and kids don't want to stay with her. I was thinking about having the lawyer to prepare to file for custody if this happens. Thoughts?

Yesterday, I moved some of the furniture to WWs new house. My kids helped but it made them upset. 13 yr old broke down and cried. 17 yr old said that WW should have her boyfriend move it. WW is either mean or really sweet. It's like 2 different people. She either makes me angry, or sad because I still have feelings for her. I need some sort of plan B as this is not healthy for me. My family tells me to make everything business like from here on out.

Yesterday I just wanted to be with her, but I know it is not the right thing to do. I wish she could change. I think she is still confused as well.

I know this will get better and I am hanging onto hope that my future will be better than the past.

DS, so sorry for your kids. I agree they shouldn't help her move. That should be all on her.

I wrote a polite letter to WW and dropped it off at her car that I did not want her contacting or seeing me. We will have joint custody so I will not be able to completely go No Contact with her at this time. If I have a problem with her, I will. She has not contacted me since Sunday which is good. Each day is getting better for me. When I get sad, I just think to myself that I deserve better and think about something else. Kids are starting to adapt since WW has her own place now. Submitting for a judgment on the Divorce should happen in a couple weeks.

As I've said before, I do not really want a divorce from WW, but I know it's the right thing to do. I do not want to die from a thousand cuts. The support from friends and family has been great.

I'm like many betrayed spouses, I'm curious if most WW's ever feel remorse and want to come back after divorce? Not that I should care, but I do.

Although we have seen cases of this happening, I would not put money on it where your WW is concerned. She is a serial cheat with a long history of adultery. Her wayward mindset is very very entrenched. Although she could attempt to pursue you after divorce, it will be because she has lost control of you and not because she has ditched her wayward mindset and wants to change her lifestyle and become a loving, loyal wife. This is why Plan B is so important for you. Your WW has a long history of gaslighting and controlling you, and you have a long history of brushing reality under the rug because you want to see what you want to see.

So the answer is, although nothing is impossible, it is just not going to happen. You need to stop thinking about WW and start thinking about how to move on with your life in a more positive direction.

Unwritten, you are such a realist.

I wouldn't expect to see her feel remorse, but I would not be surprised if she wanted to come back once the OM dumps her. She won't be coming back to fix the marriage but because she wants a flop house until she has a new boyfriend lined up. If you want to see a true death of a thousand cuts, that would be it! Serial cheaters are very selfish and opportunistic so if she sees an opportunity to use you when she needs something, she will not hesitate to do it.

I am not trying to be a wet blanket, but please be very cautious if she tries to come back once the OM dumps her. You would be much better off staying single and dating once you are divorced.

Some of the happiest men I have ever know on this forum over the past 16 years are guys who remarried after very tough marriages like this. I hope you use your time looking forward and not backwards. You have a chance to be a very happy man.

All, this is very good advice, and it makes a lot of sense. I just need to get through the tough part of separating from this toxic relationship. The realistic feedback is helping me immensely. I am actually surprised that WW has not contacted me since Sunday (I gave her the Plan B type letter). This is really helping me see things clearly because I have not been triggered for a few days. Each day I recognize her for more of what she has become and not what I married. She probably thinks she is punishing me, so after that doesn't work, she'll be contacting me to try and control me again.

Unfortunately, I am noticing that she must be coming to the house everyday and taking the mail while I'm at work. I would normally not worry about this, but I did shut down our joint credit card and they are sending me one on an individual account. I may need to check to see if it has been activated. Other than that, I'm not really worried about things in the mail. I'm thinking about leaving work for a brief period in the afternoon and getting the mail. I have not changed locks because I'm worried about the laws in my state of the marital home. But, I do have an internet security system that she does not have access to, so if she enters the house, I'll know about it.

DS, can you open up a PO box and have your mail forwarded there? If you go to the PO and tell them the situation, they can hold your mail for now until it is forwarded.

Also, you can change your locks. It is not against the law in any state to change your locks, so I would strongly suggest you do that asap.

She could break into the house and there would be nothing I could do about it.

Change them anyway.

I am going to echo the above statements. Change the locks... or you are likely to see things start to disappear. She has a new place, so has no business being there. (I am willing to guess you were not given a key to her new place). Also as Melody suggested, get a PO mail box or a forwarding address. Otherwise WW is going to obtain access to bank account statements, mortgage statements, children's school letters, paychecks... or whatever else.

It's a lot harder and riskier for her to break in than it is for her to use a key that works.

If you make it harder and riskier for her to get in, you make it less likely that she will get in.

I came home. I'm not sure exactly when the mail comes but there is nothing there. I wonder if she already has it forwarded to her new house?

Yep - called the post office and she submitted a change of address for the whole family. This is unbelievable!

Its really actually NOT unbelievable. Not for us who have been here for years, watching normal decent people turn into manipulative monsters because of the affair fog.

Hopefully things like this will help you see why we advise things such as changing the locks and going into a dark Plan B. You want to think you are dealing with a reasonable person who has you and your children's best interest at heart, but you are not.

You need to start protecting yourself better here DeepSorrow. I am sorry you are going through this, I know it is painful. But knowing that the mail is disappearing and just giving it a good shoulder shrug 'eh she must be taking the mail, oh well' is NOT going to protect you. You have to stop being so complacent about things like this. You have been complacent for a long time in this marriage, while she had multiple affairs and introduced your children to a long history of cheating. You are on the right path now but you still show signs of complacency and the desire to just brush things under the rug. You need to stop it, or she is going to continue taking advantage of you.

Did you change it back?