Yes, I'm the petitioner, so it is my lawyer and he is looking out for my best interests, not hers. I am thinking about talking to another lawyer about the kids because I may file for custody.

I had a good conversation with 13yr old and he seems more adamant that he doesn't want to stay with WW if OM comes around. We talked more about their affair and I think he feels even better because he was suspicious about some things and it cleared up confusion. We went to the movies and when I got home, the wife calls me and says that 17yr old texts her and tells her he is not going to live with her anymore. I ask her if she's been with OM in the past couple days and she says yes. I said he probably either saw you or heard something. She indicated that she's hiding it well.

I talk to 17yr old to find out what happened and he said he didn't want to talk about it and leave him alone. Kids are supposed to go back today at 3:00. She's already threatened that she is coming over to the house to "find out what is going on". She threatens and manipulates the kids and they know it. She can't see that her actions are causing her discomfort. She is a MAJOR blameshifter.

Told her I do not want her here. She won't listen. I bet she shows up because the kids eventually do what she wants so she used to manipulating them.

I need a way to keep her away from the house. The locks have been changed. 17 yr old know he can do what he wants.

Oldest son doesn't want to talk about anything with me or her. He is struggling. She told me OM was at her house Friday night. I bet 17yr old saw him there, but not sure.

WW is saying that she wants to work with me on house, finances, kids. Different attitude from her all of the sudden. I wonder why the change. I made some remarks about OM, and she didn't get mad. Is this the same wayward???

I feel really sorry for your kids. I would keep standing up for them and if she tries to bully them, tell her that forcing them will make the relationship worse. She needs to back off if she wants to repair that relationship. She can't force them to see her. PERIOD.

NEED HELP!

WW came to house and tried to force 17 yr old to go with her. He pushed her down and cut her chin. I tried to take her to the emergency room and she called me names. She left and I called the county police to report it.

You need to go to the police station if they won't come to your house, and make an official report. Your son will also have to be interviewed. If you don't, she will be allowed to spin it however she wants. She'll try anyway, but I think letting it ride would come back and bite you all in the butts.

tl

Hi DeepSorrow, since I am also dealing with police and difficult incidents, I would emphasise to you DOCUMENT EVERYTHING with dates, times and descriptions of what occurred. Even if you just open a memo note on your phone, you should have a record of an incident immediately after it happens. You will forget things if you don't write it down immediately and your perspective of the situation will change with time. If you report what was said, use quotes rather than describing the sentiment. Take your statement to the police just to make them aware - and then document that you took your statement to the police and write down the name and number of who you spoke to.

Make sure you mention the names of any people you told the story to at the time, so that they can also verify your state of mind/reactions. If there are any witnesses (including your son), get them to write their version of events as soon as possible after it happened - and keep a copy of their statements, with phone numbers and names, just in case. Even if you never use these things, it will form the basis of a powerful collection of evidence. And it really doesn't take much effort to write 100 words in the immediate aftermath. It is just like posting on this forum.

Remember: names, dates, facts, details, witnesses. No emotion.

DS, can you give us an update? Very worried about your son.

Great advice from chalkncheese. Your WW is going to try to pin this on you. Stay strong.

Yes! Get everything officially documented ASAP.

I would talk with your son about violence and anger. An angry outburst is temporary insanity. Anything you are thinking of doing or saying when you are angry is crazy, and it will make your problems worse, so it is important to not say or do anything until you have calmed down.

I feel for your son - I went through being hassled by my wayward mother and her attempts to force me to see her even though I didn't want to. But angry outbursts are just going to make things worse for him.

Got this text from WW that cheated on me for 10 years.

"The saddest part of this is you sat there and watched our son treat me like this - you are not teaching him how to respect women."

I want to respond, but trying not to.

Although my son's actions were inappropriate, WW treated him horribly, and son told her he didn't want to talk about it and leave him alone for more than 30 minutes. She tried to force him to go with her and started taking his stuff which led to him to push her away. She fell down and cut her chin. I tried to take her to the emergency room and she would not let me. Called me names, everything's my fault, etc.

I talked to him about going to counseling, etc. My WW and MIL blameshift everything possible. Everything is my fault every time. It's really bad, and there is no changing that. They are telling me that his behavior is my fault.

Please stop fretting about this, I can tell you feel bad and maybe a little bit guilty... I don't know if your son was just trying to defend himself and in the scuffle she fell, or he intentiallh pushed her down. If the latter it is not good that he reacted in that manner. But NONE of that is *your fault.* It sounds like you tried to help her after the fact, that was the right response.

Of course she is going to blame you for her poor relationship with your son. All waywards do this, it is the only option other than taking responsibility. Expect it. This is why divorce and then Plan B is so very important right now. Where are you at on that?

I thought your divorce was supposed to be settled weeks ago and yet it still seems to be in process. I am concerned that you share a lawyer, this is not some amicable friendly divorce here you realize. Even if you were the petitioner, your shared attorney is obligated to represent both of your best interests and not just yours. IMO you need to change this.

Did you talk to him about this?


And did you get everything reported to the police so she can't pull something later?

Taking his stuff from where? You're not letting her in the house, are you?

I think it's going to be important to make it impossible for her to contact you except through an intermediary who will filter this stuff out.

The reason to talk to your son about angry outbursts and about doing nothing while angry/upset is NOT because she didn't deserve what was coming to her.

The reason to talk to him about this is for his own future. HIS future. Because if he lets himself react that way when someone near and dear to him treats him horribly, then he's going to end up in serious trouble somewhere down the line. She's not going to be the last person that treats him horribly.

We are reaching the 30 days to submit for a judgement this week. I am going to talk to another lawyer.

I called the police 2 times. Told them what happened and got their guidance on how to handle it. I could get a temporary restraining order. I have not decided yet.

I did. That will not happen again.

I'm waiting until divorce is final and then going into Plan B. It is too easy to break Plan B right now without separate lawyers. I am going to talk to one, but I might have the divorce final soon.