I filed the restraining order and the judge did not grant a temporary. He would only setup a hearing. She will be served, and she will not be happy. I expect her to retaliate.

I know there is some sort of police report filed on Sunday's incident, but I have not been talked to by anybody yet.

WW just texts me and says "I would like for you to stop talking bad about me to the kids"

The divorce agreement does have language that we are not to talk bad about the other spouse to the kids.

I was thinking about saying "I am not talking bad about you to the kids. I intend to follow our agreement."

I am worried about every communication with her now.

"I have not said anything bad about you to the kids. They resent your affair and what it has done to our family."

Failure to respond could be construed negatively so I would immediately send back a simple and brief denial. I would not mention her affair in your reply.

I have not said anything to them about you. They are very smart, observant young men. They are reaching their own conclusions and forming their own opinions all on their own based solely on your actions. I'm sorry their reaction to your affair is causing them so much pain but that is between you and them.

Bingo! Please send this response. Britsbrat is an attorney, btw

Here was her response.

"I know you have said things to them because they have told me. We need to get an agreement for custody or I cannot sign the house document yet."

Thoughts? Brits Brat?

We have an agreement for custody and are trying to follow it before the divorce is final. The kids are not wanting to follow it if she continues in her affair.

First, a disclaimer. I do not think I am licensed to practice law in your state so any comments I make are not intended as legal advice. They are personal observations or what you would find on your own through internet searches. You should seek legal advice from an attorney licensed to practice law in your state. What iis the house document? What have you told the boys outside her presence? Remind me what state you're in. Depending on The answers to those questions:

If you haven't said anything, I would respond to her with, "I'm really shocked they would say that. What do they claim I said? The only thing I've said to them is what I said in your presence when we told them you want a divorce."

With regard to visitation, I know this isn't practical, but most courts in most states presume parental control and hold that the custodial parent must control the behavior of their minor children in visitation situations and force them to participate in visitation. The theory is a custodial parent cannot justify inaction simply because a child refuses to cooperate with a visitation order or agreement. There is a very good, although a bit dated, law review article that addresses this: http://lawecommoms.luc.edu/chi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1267&content=luclj

I know you and she are trying to do this with minimal attorney involvement but I think it's getting to be time you have your own counsel and she has hers if that's what she wants.

DS, i agree with BritsBrat that you need to contact your attorney. In most states they are not going to force teenagers to visit a parent. Dr Harley believes they should not be forced. I would contact your attorney to get the house document signed.

Doesn't she need the house document signed in order to get her share?

It's just a change in the listing price.

Courts will not force a teenager to comply with visitation but they will hold the custodial parent in contempt; especially, if there's any inkling the other parent is disparaging the non-custodial parent, any other evidence of bad faith or if the custodial parent doesn't make best efforts to encourage a child to comply. DS, you really need to consult with an attorney in your state about this.

And have a separate lawyer from your WW.

I have an appointment with a lawyer on Friday.

You should find a neutral location for drop-offs, like a McDonald's. It would also help if the kids had toiletries and clothes at both homes so they don't have to pack for each exchange, they can just take a what they need for school.

You should get a journal to document interactions with stbx. Example, "4/27/17 took kids to 2nd street McDonald's for drop off. "

Apples - I've got the journal going. I have finally woke up to the fact that this cannot be handled informally.

Here's how I handled the communication. I decided to turn it back on her because she is not following the settlement/parenting plan.

I wrote, "We may need to talk to <lawyer> to understand the correct way to enforce the custody agreement with the kids. Your relationship with the kids (for which I can�t help them) is affecting our custody agreement. They were following the arrangement fine until Sunday, so I suspect something changed over the weekend. I do not know what exactly is going on at your house, and I do not want to know. Everything was fine when I dropped <13 yr old> off on Sunday. Then he shows up last night which surprised me, and I thought he was coming on Thursday. I asked him why he was home early, and he said you and <MIL> were talking mean about me, and it made him mad. If they bring you or your affair partner up, I am saying they need to discuss it with you or a counselor."

WW wrote back, "The kids seem fine when they are with me and then after they are with you then they act different. According to the divorce papers we are not supposed to talk bad about each other and we are to enforce/support the agreements. I don't feel you are doing that. We may need advice. Have you called <Lawyer> yet? It's been 30 days.

I wrote, "<17 yr old> told you the day he left that he would not live with you if you moved your affair partner into the house. If you moved him or his property into your house, then that is the reason the kids do not want to stay with you. This is between you and them. The agreement on the kid�s best interest extends to you, your mom, family and friends. You have not followed this. Lastly, the agreement also states that each party shall exercise good faith and due diligence in ensuring the sale of the real estate. You have been clear through phone calls and this email that you are NOT going to do this either. The property division has nothing to do with the parenting plan, and you are not following the agreement. So please sign the listing as we previously agreed to last Saturday. I want to work with you on these things, but I can�t help you with your affair partner and the kids. I�m sorry you are upset."

I guess I made her mad again. Just some background. She has moved OM's things into her house including his dog. Her plan is that he will be there when the kids are with me. Here's her response.

"I have not moved anyone into my house. They are mistaken if they think this and we need to discuss it.

The agreement on the kids best interest says you are not to talk bad about me and you have not followed this. I'm sorry YOU are upset about my "affair partner" as you call it and are making sure the kids feel exactly as you do since your words are coming out of their mouths.

You have not shown that you want to work with me on these things. And the custody agreement says nothing about anything regarding my house. You are not following the parenting plan, that is your job as a parent.

We will discuss the sale of the property when the divorce papers are final. Have you contacted the lawyer about this or do I need to?"

wow, she is completely oblivious to the fact that her affair has affected her kids! What incredible cluelessness! I guess she needs to be clueless so she can blame it on you. I hope you can get this divorce finalized QUICK.

this is perfect! You did a great job of outlining the problem.