Yes that is true, I just need the admission or evidence to begin as the exposure.

So did the counselor tell your wife that she has to give up her opposite sex friendships?

If the counselor did not tell your wife this, then the counselor doesn't know how to save marriages, and the problem is not that your wife doesn't want to do what the counselor says - the problem is that your wife is addicted to the other man.

Will report back with what I hear today at the counseling session. I am building my list now for exposure.

Just got back from counselor. About 30 minutes into the session the counselor said you guys are stuck. The only way you are going to get unstuck is if you (wife) end this inappropriate relationship with the OM. You know that it is inappropriate and whether you are holding on to it because of deeper feelings for him that you haven't admitted to or if you are holding on to it because you are refusing because of resentment of your husband.

To which my wife responded she knows that but she is just "confused". The counselor told her that she her confusion is coming from the relationship with the OM. That in order to get clarity and un-cloud her mind she needs to end the relationship with the OM. If she wasn't willing to do that, then nothing will get "unstuck".

I am feeling more confident that my wife acknowledging that the relationship is not appropriate it would be enough for exposure.

Also, she did say that she told the OM that she had been lying to me and deceiving me in order to keep their friendship going. He was not happy with her and told her she should not have done that. That she had damaged any potential friendship he would have been able to make with me and my family. DUH!

This is my list so far.

MIL, FIL, BIL her closest aunt MIL sister, her grandmothers, a couple of her close uncles, my parents, my sister and brother and about 12 of our friends, our children OM best friend who also works with my WW and OM.

He was divorced a year ago so I don't think exposing to his ex will do anything other than seem vindictive. I don't know whether to tell the kids first and then the rest of the list in order of importance to her or what? Any advice on that? My plan is to expose on Sunday afternoon which is about as soon as I can considering some of these people I will need to get contact information lined out. Some of them I can only text or call as I don't have email addresses or any sort of social media.

Any advice?

Who else on OM's side are you exposing to besides his BF? Parents? Siblings?

As far as I know he has no siblings, I have no contact info for his parents but I could do some searching around

Definitely try and find out his parents information to expose to.

I have 2 questions.

1. Should I tell my kids first or at what point should I tell them?
2. Some of the most powerful "evidence" I have is what our marriage counselor has said. Can I disclose this without breaking confidentiality laws and be sued for it later on?

I know that people can sue for any reason and I know that the Truth will protect against libel suits. But I am not sure what I can disclose in the exposure that is directly from the counseling sessions or not?

Big news,

She is texting him right now to find out if the house he was renting would allow her dogs. And if the yard is fenced. So, I know that he has been looking to buy a house and a few weeks ago sent her a texting saying that he signed a contract. However, I am NOT sure if that is for the house and if he has moved into it yet or not. Honestly at this point if she does move in with him it gives me undeniable proof of affair. She is going to be telling me what her "plan" is Friday night. So since I wont be able to expose until a couple days later, I may need to add to my expose letter anything I gather from her "plan". I will keep digging to try and see if there is any more I can find.

Real estate transactions are public record, available from the county recorder & county tax assessor's offices, but I don't know about rental contracts.

Looks like the month of April wont post for another few days in my county. I will keep an eye on it. I will follow through with my exposure but I just spoke with an atty. He recommends to file for legal separation Monday in order to protect financials and to wait for the exposure until after the separation has been served. Does this sound reasonable or should I stick to the Sunday date for exposure. I almost want to wait for a few days so that I can find out for sure if she is planning to move in with him or if I am mistaking that. Any advise on this?

Confidentiality law is for the counselor, not for you. I am not aware of any law that would prevent a husband from telling his children or others that his wife is having an affair. That is the worst thing any human being could do to another, and the victim of an affair needs support from others. Binding him to confidentiality about it would be sadistically cruel.

As things have turned out, tonight my wife is going to be presenting me with her 'plan'. This plan I don't know much about but it is under the context of what she is going to do with her affair. This is going to likely move my time schedule for exposing up to Saturday so that I can do this hard and fast and not allow her to begin any sort of spin. I have already planned to have all the girls out of the house tonight. Oldest and youngest are at my sisters house who already knows everything that is going on and fully supports the MB exposure plan. The middle daughter is going to be more tricky to get but I will make it work. All others on the list are going to be phone calls and email.

Its going to be a battle, she just got her second raise in the last 3 months and she is finally making pretty decent money. So the affair partner is trying to entice her to stay around preemptively it seems. Doesn't matter it's only money. Going to be a rough weekend. . .

This sounds good, TF. Do this.
Are you getting up early in the morning to start exposure? Is she going to be out of the house tomorrow so that you can proceed with exposure uninterrupted?

Be prepared for her to descend upon you with all the wrath and fury of hell. Know that it is normal, and her reaction does not in any way affect recovery. You can survive her anger, and you are doing the right thing in order to protect your marriage and your children.

I don't think it matters if you tell the kids first, or not. I would personally tell my kids first, because I wouldn't want to risk my wayward spouse getting to them before me and spinning a story.

I will be picking them up tomorrow morning, telling them, then begin by calling her family and the BF of the OM. Then I will be all of our mutual friends, who almost all already know but are waiting for my disclosure before they start trying to contact her to try and convince her to end the affair and begin working on our marriage.

I read that if the affair is the husband he needs to show remorse and hat in hand attitude. Is there anywhere I can read what I should look for in a wife that is in an affair to show real remorse or ???

Most wayward wives don't express remorse until after successful recovery, if ever. But recovery of a happy marriage, including just compensation for the betrayed husband, is still possible.

What you're going to look for to start is a willingness to end the affair and cut off all contact with the affair partner for life.

Do you have the book Surving an Affair? The Jon and Sue story covers a WW.

Who else on OM'a side are you exposing to?