Good! Is this being done without your wife's knowledge, though?

I would move far enough away that it is not easy for her to get to the OM or ever run into him. If you are thinking about moving 30 miles away, that will not do the trick.

I thought about it, but I'm sure she'll see the cameras. So it's not super covert. Once installed she wont be able to bring OM into the house w/o me knowing.

I will reach out to the realtor tomorrow again, going to get the house on the market quickly. WW wants to move, so many triggers for her too. I'm thinking we'll find a place to rent for a few months until we figure out what the next step is. That will depend on job hunting.

Checked 2 things off on the list last night:

1. WW said that she's committed to ending communication with OM. She admitted that it's hard, but she doesn't want to talk to him after all the pain she's in.

2. WW agreed to new cell number and closed down all social media accounts. She's also changing her username on the primary communication app they used and blocking him.

Also, I checked with OMW yesterday, they have taken extreme technical precautions as well and are considering moving, but that depends on if OM can find a job...

Next step is moving, we have all others in place - money is all shared, leisure time we spend together, no more nights apart, and I have full access to all her tech. That will leave just the NC letter. Which WW and I discussed more last night, she doesn't like the idea, but also wants to wait until she actually means it when she says she's picking me. Not sure how to handle that one.

That will leave just the NC letter. Which WW and I discussed more last night, she doesn't like the idea, but also wants to wait until she actually means it when she says she's picking me. Not sure how to handle that one.

Ok, you say she "closed down all social media accounts" and then say she is KEEPING the one social media app that she used to communicate with the OM!!

Say what?? C'mon, messy!

Hopefully she is watching him closely. Good for you for staying in touch with her.

[

Yes, I agree, it was a start, I'm going to make the request again, there is really no need for it. It hurts that the app in more important than me, I'll bring it up again tonight.

2. WW agreed to new cell number and closed down all social media accounts. She's also changing her username on the primary communication app they used and blocking him.

Her not wanting to write a NC letter is a huge red flag. If she truly is picking you why wouldn't she write the letter? What is her excuse that she's giving you?

At this point I'll take the baby steps as progress I guess.

[

I agree, she's telling she hasn't decided if we are going to work things out. So she doesn't want to send the letter, basically telling me she's not shutting the door with him. Her excuse was that he clearly doesn't want her because he hasn't tried to contact her.

My response was, 'its been a week'... At this point I'll take the baby steps as progress I guess.

Right now what has me really depressed and frustrated is coming to grips with the fact that I'm forced to uproot my entire life, and she's not even telling me she wants me yet. I thought it was just about the pain of betrayal, but there's so many layers to this. ugh...

You're right, she keeps throwing my requests as being controlling, which is what she cites for one of the major reasons our marriage was rough. Like I always have, I responded out of fear to negotiate something in her favor at my expense. Thanks for keeping me straight...

I agree, I need to just tell her that is where we are headed. She tried to tell me that its better for us if she is willing to do these things on her own. Not fill out some list for me...

Are you DONE letting fear run your life here?

You came here months ago, with an opening statement about how your WW's A was over and you had done all the EP's except for moving and everything was great except your WW was...acting like a wayward Many people (including me) told you the A had not ended. You really battled about this until months later when you found out it had indeed not ended. And then you came back with a second polyanna report about how it had COMPLETELY ended this time and WW was so remorseful and blah blah blah. Now you just want to be a unified front with her and bring her here and have her help you expose to kids...

Your FEAR of upsetting her or doing what you needed to do to end this months ago, has allowed months more of cheating to go on right in your own home. Your fear has let her 'recover' with you while simultaneously bringing her nasty OM right into your own bed. Your fear has kept you from exposing to your own children.

You seem to just want to put this behind you asap and recover and live happily ever after without making any real changes. Sorry, that is called sweeping it under the rug and it is NOT going to work.

You need to STOP allowing fear to control you Messy. I personally feel a little bit duped by you. Here is why. People come here with their own 'plan' initially, when they don't know MB and haven't been educated and haven't listened to the radio show and haven't read the other billion forum stories just like theirs. But you were here for months. You did all these things, you know the MB program. You said all the right things on your thread and just *omitted* the details that you knew we would object to. To me, that is duping us, it is different than people who argue because they don't understand, to understand and just tell people what they want to hear. Did you not know going out of town for work, when you had just recently discovered your wife was in an affair, was a BAD idea? Honestly, that seems like logic to me. Even if it wasn't common sense, you don't have to be here long to know that it is the wrong thing to do. It has no place in a healthy marriage much less one in recovery from a very recent affair (where your wife is still acting wayward and you are being told she is still wayward!). I suspect you knew what we would say if you told us and therefore you omitted that little detail. You never mentioned that you didn't expose to your kids. Again, I suspect it is because you were afraid to and knew we would tell you that you had to do it. What other corners have you cut and what corners are you cutting NOW in this second round to say all the right things here on this forum and convince us that you are serious???

Hey, its your marriage and your divorce, and that is where it is going to lead if you continue to let fear run the show. It is no skin off our backs if you cut corners and pad the truth and end up in divorce. But it is a waste of all of our time if you are not serious.

Please assure this forum that you are done being afraid, and that you are done just saying the right things and you are going to start taking this seriously. I am not at all convinced.