I have. I'm reading everything. The more I read the more I'm convinced I have to be tough with WH. He has been manipulating me and playing power games. Time to end that and show him I am now making decisions about myself and the kids.

So what is your plan? When will you be exposing to the workplace and to your kids? Who is on your exposure list?

While you can't do anything to end the affair, there are several things you can do to put pressure on it and bust up the fantasy.

Exposure is one of the greatest tools for this. Affairs are far less exciting when everyone is looking at you with judgement. It is easier to have fun and relish in the fantasy when you have no consequences, nobody knows, you have no personal or professional repercussions, and in your case your wife is even accepting it. When everybody knows and you are suffering consequences it puts true pressure on the affair. It is also far more difficult to carry it on in secret if the worlds eyes are on you. Many people credit exposure as the main thing that saved their marriages.

Exposure also helps you by giving you support. What is happening to you is very devastating, and nobody should have to go through it alone. If your house was robbed and you were beaten, would you keep it a secret? This is a similar thing, OW is robbing you of your spouse and marriage and family, you are left behind emotionally assaulted. Why is this something you should keep secret?

Plan B as you have been advised also puts pressure on the A. When the Ow is forced to meet all WH's needs including the ones you used to meet, and she is listening to him complain about not having control or missing his kids, these will be reality checks. Right now she is getting the best of him but then she will get all of him...

Let us know what your plan is for exposure and we can advise you.

I will email his boss. Many people know and everyone who knows is disgusted because young children are being dumped for his infatuation. His family are outraged and will help me and the kids settle at home. I have full support. He has been avoiding contact with everyone at home because he is ashamed and afraid. So far so good.

When will you be telling your kids?

Is the OW married?

I'll tell the kids this weekend.

OW is not married.

It turns out the boss found out a couple of days ago.

Inform the boss anyway. That's the only way to be sure the boss has the correct info.

How do you know the boss found out?

As has been advised, tell him again the proper way. If WH or OW told him they likely spun a story. And if WH is the one who told you the boss knows, that is him spinning a story to you! Unless and until the facts come from you, assume the boss does not know.

I agree with the others that you need to still expose to their work and inform his boss yourself.

Who else on OW's side is on your exposure list? Have you found her on social media to find her parents and siblings?

When will you be doing the exposure? It needs to be done all on the same day.

i would strongly suggest you expose to the boss, HR Director and a key VP. You have no earthly idea what the boss knows and even if he does know, he might be tempted to sweep it all under the rug.

The kids and I leaving in two weeks. I feel ready for it. He is all over the place. We had a long talk this morning. He admits his emotional issues that he has been dragging his whole life brought him to this mess. He admitted he is like an addict and doesn't see reality. He wants to sort himself out.

I need to work on myself and heal. I know it will be tough, but I will get there. No idea what will happen with the two of us. I suspect reality will hit him soon enough, and his romance won't make him happy. The guilt and the shame - already working their magic in him - will not help them. I still have hopes for us, but it will be good to have no contact and separate myself from the drama.

He is in such deep fog but there are moments of clarity and I hope he gets his head screwed back on. I can't wait to leave now. Distance will help me.

Their affair went on for four months. It ended just over three weeks ago in the sense that he made the end official. But he was gradually coming to his senses over the previous few weeks. He has snapped out of it, claims there is no more fog left. He is remorseful, ashamed, disappointed in himself and keen to do everything to rebuild our marriage. There has been no contact with her since the breakup. He tells me when he sees her at work meetings, which is thankfully very rare. I believe he is genuine. So far so good.

I am past crazy meltdowns and rage and am now quietly grieving. I have a desire for the OW to know exactly how this affair impacted both me personally and my marriage, and to hear it from him. He has agreed to email her and to say that he bitterly regrets his actions, that it was a huge mistake, that he is deeply remorseful for hurting me and damaging our marriage, and that he is fully committed to recovery with me. The email would not be nasty, just a matter of fact kind of thing.

The reason why I am thinking about this is because she went after him, boldly made the first move and then followed with the second. Of course, he freely chose to not tell me about her seduction and to then get involved with her. So I am not at all excusing him, but it really makes me angry that she made that first and second move. She knows me and my children and she knew well what she was doing. I would like some kind of sense of restitution, an apology from my husband that she would read.

What do you think? Since he is willing to email her, should we do it? Is it worth it? I feel like I need closure of sorts.

Thanks.

Who has the affair been exposed to? Is the OW married? Why not follow the NC letter template in here? Exposure 101

When is he quitting that job? If they see each other at work you can guarantee the affair is still active.

The affair is not over and you are not in recovery. He will never withdraw under these conditions and neither will you. Telling you when he sees her misses the point. If an alcoholic tells you whenever he drinks is he any less drunk? No.

He should NEVER see her. NEVER. Which means he needs to quit his job immediately.

She is quitting the job but is still there for a couple of months. They don't work together and are on different floors.

Why are you both certain it is still going on? I don't think it is.

Of course it is. They see each other at work every day. This is like sending the alcoholic into the bar every day, pretending he is sober by calling his drinks "workplace drinks." Nothing has changed here. If they were shagging in the broom closet, he would certainly not tell you.

How would you even know she is quitting the job? And even if she is, how will you save your marriage with them being together every day at work?

He should never go back there. Have you read Dr Harley's recommendatiins about workplace affairs? here

Has this affair been exposed? Does his employer know your husband is having a workplace affair?

Yes and yes.

What is the position of the person at work to whom you exposed and what EXACTLY was said? Does the HR Director and a key VP know? Do they approve of workplace adultery?