Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 29 of 49 1 2 27 28 29 30 31 48 49
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 783
Likes: 4
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 783
Likes: 4
Next time, don't read his messages. If you think it might be something important, have your IM read them.

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Next time, don't read his messages. If you think it might be something important, have your IM read them.

OK. Will do. It is never important. I did not reply....so I am making progress....


BW (me) 40
WH, serial cheater, 41
Four children:
DS1 8
DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me)
DS3 6
DD 2

D-day Jan 4 2017
Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017
Plan D Aug 28 2017
Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,349
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,349
Likes: 3
Originally Posted by chalkncheese
Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Next time, don't read his messages. If you think it might be something important, have your IM read them.

OK. Will do. It is never important. I did not reply....so I am making progress....
Why are you receiving messages at all? I thought you were using the IM? Why do you keep breaking Plan B? Do you see how it hurts your own personal recovery when you have contact with him? When are you going to stick to Plan B?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by chalkncheese
Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Next time, don't read his messages. If you think it might be something important, have your IM read them.

OK. Will do. It is never important. I did not reply....so I am making progress....
Why are you receiving messages at all? I thought you were using the IM? Why do you keep breaking Plan B? Do you see how it hurts your own personal recovery when you have contact with him? When are you going to stick to Plan B?

Hi BrainHurts, these questions really made me think. I am struggling to understand myself why I keep breaking plan B.

The reason I got the messages is that while i have blocked WH from all my email accounts, I have an old email in my maiden name that gets autoforwarded to my current married name email. In the aftermath of exposure, WH took my phone and my computer and locked himself in my study changing all my email passwords and security info to his details. When he gave me back my phone, i reset the information on my married name accounts but forgot about that old email account that autoforwards to my current one. Then WH left the country and got rid of his phone number for the country we were living in, which means I now cannot go through the security verification process for that old account even just to close it (I have tried many times). Microsoft just says open another email address and forget about that one. But I cannot stop the autoforwarding. I did manage to divert messages from that account straight to my deleted items folder, but it doesn't work if they come to my phone first (if i am not sitting at my desktop with outlook open). What WH generally does is clusterbomb all my email addresses with whatever he wants to send me. The ones to my work emails bounce back and I never see them. The ones to my married name account are hit with an autoresponse blocking the mail. But the ones to my maiden name account get through and are autoforwarded to the deleted items of my married name account.

Then there is the question of why do I read them. I have thought about this a lot too. I think the reason is objective curiosity about how everything is affecting WH. I don't miss him. I am not pining for him. I am not feeling like my emotions are out of control and that I desperately want contact with him. But, just like any suspenseful drama, I am eager to find out how the story ends. I find it frustrating to leave the story half-way through without knowing the ending - so I think that's why I haven't been good at totally eliminating all avenues through which I can keep vague tabs on the outcome.

The other reason, I think, is to do with the fact that I have found this MB process (the plan, the implementation, the strategic part of it all, the feeling of taking control of my life) quite intellectually stimulating, and so plan B is like coming down from a high. I guess I just need another project related to my new life to focus all my energies on, but challenges energise me and my life has suddenly become all nice and easy.


BW (me) 40
WH, serial cheater, 41
Four children:
DS1 8
DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me)
DS3 6
DD 2

D-day Jan 4 2017
Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017
Plan D Aug 28 2017
Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 783
Likes: 4
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 783
Likes: 4
You get those emails because you haven't set up a new email-account and are still using a email-account in which WH can contact you.
If you disable your current account, you will not get forwarded emails from your old account. That simple.

Originally Posted by chalkncheese
Then there is the question of why do I read them. I have thought about this a lot too. I think the reason is objective curiosity about how everything is affecting WH. I don't miss him. I am not pining for him. I am not feeling like my emotions are out of control and that I desperately want contact with him. But, just like any suspenseful drama, I am eager to find out how the story ends. I find it frustrating to leave the story half-way through without knowing the ending - so I think that's why I haven't been good at totally eliminating all avenues through which I can keep vague tabs on the outcome.
I wonder if you would answer that question the same way a year from now.

You know for sure that contact will slow recovery down. If not for yourself, you owe it to your children to be the best mother you can be: a recovered mother. Don't sabotage your recovery.

You don't really need to know why you keep breaking plan B, you need to stop it for the sake of your children.

Originally Posted by chalkncheese
The other reason, I think, is to do with the fact that I have found this MB process (the plan, the implementation, the strategic part of it all, the feeling of taking control of my life) quite intellectually stimulating, and so plan B is like coming down from a high. I guess I just need another project related to my new life to focus all my energies on, but challenges energise me and my life has suddenly become all nice and easy.
I recognize this from two intelligent, ambitious women I know. They both 'need' to fill their workload up to 95% of their capacity, everything below that is boring. They both have a bit of ADHD which makes them very creative thinkers and good at their job (scientist & business development). They both have a positive outlook on life, but are also at higher risk of having a depression. One of them has bipolar disorder in the family and needs to be alert of signs of depression herself. Also, they both have been in a destructive relationship in the past.


When they go over the 100% too long, they are at higher risk of a burn-out. Because they function so well at 95-100%, they never take enough leisure time to build up their reserve and if there is a calamity, it is easy to get over the threshold where their health gets affected.

If you recognize this in yourself, find something else to keep you in the 95% range. The control you think you have over the situation by keeping in contact with WH might fill some kind of gap for you, but it is damaging you and you need to stop it.

I see this happening everywhere around me. High functioning women who have always been able to keep everything going, are wearing themselves out. Until they are forty they can handle anything, but meanwhile, they have been burning through their reserves without noticing. They also have a very good autopilot, so they can run on empty for even longer.

Not going into plan B will drain your reserves and you won't be able to be the best mother of your children you can be.

I see in you an intelligent, ambitious woman who went to another continent to find love and a career and who is capable of handling everything quite easily. Your exposure was by the book, one of the best I have seen. Unfortunately, your plan B is the worst. Somehow, you don't see the real value of plan B. If you would, you would be in a stellar, watertight, unbreakable plan B.

MB is a fool proof plan, anyone who follows it can recover. You don't need to know why it works (and I bet you want to know the tiniest detail why it works), you just need to follow the plan.

You don't need to do this for me or any other member of this board (we are just some bits and bytes on the internet). If not for yourself, you need to do this for your children.

Last edited by goody2shoes; 08/03/17 04:10 AM.
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
Originally Posted by goody2shoes
You get those emails because you haven't set up a new email-account and are still using a email-account in which WH can contact you.
If you disable your current account, you will not get forwarded emails from your old account. That simple.

Originally Posted by chalkncheese
Then there is the question of why do I read them. I have thought about this a lot too. I think the reason is objective curiosity about how everything is affecting WH. I don't miss him. I am not pining for him. I am not feeling like my emotions are out of control and that I desperately want contact with him. But, just like any suspenseful drama, I am eager to find out how the story ends. I find it frustrating to leave the story half-way through without knowing the ending - so I think that's why I haven't been good at totally eliminating all avenues through which I can keep vague tabs on the outcome.
I wonder if you would answer that question the same way a year from now.

You know for sure that contact will slow recovery down. If not for yourself, you owe it to your children to be the best mother you can be: a recovered mother. Don't sabotage your recovery.

You don't really need to know why you keep breaking plan B, you need to stop it for the sake of your children.

Originally Posted by chalkncheese
The other reason, I think, is to do with the fact that I have found this MB process (the plan, the implementation, the strategic part of it all, the feeling of taking control of my life) quite intellectually stimulating, and so plan B is like coming down from a high. I guess I just need another project related to my new life to focus all my energies on, but challenges energise me and my life has suddenly become all nice and easy.
I recognize this from two intelligent, ambitious women I know. They both 'need' to fill their workload up to 95% of their capacity, everything below that is boring. They both have a bit of ADHD which makes them very creative thinkers and good at their job (scientist & business development). They both have a positive outlook on life, but are also at higher risk of having a depression. One of them has bipolar disorder in the family and needs to be alert of signs of depression herself. Also, they both have been in a destructive relationship in the past.


When they go over the 100% too long, they are at higher risk of a burn-out. Because they function so well at 95-100%, they never take enough leisure time to build up their reserve and if there is a calamity, it is easy to get over the threshold where their health gets affected.

If you recognize this in yourself, find something else to keep you in the 95% range. The control you think you have over the situation by keeping in contact with WH might fill some kind of gap for you, but it is damaging you and you need to stop it.

I see this happening everywhere around me. High functioning women who have always been able to keep everything going, are wearing themselves out. Until they are forty they can handle anything, but meanwhile, they have been burning through their reserves without noticing. They also have a very good autopilot, so they can run on empty for even longer.

Not going into plan B will drain your reserves and you won't be able to be the best mother of your children you can be.

I see in you an intelligent, ambitious woman who went to another continent to find love and a career and who is capable of handling everything quite easily. Your exposure was by the book, one of the best I have seen. Unfortunately, your plan B is the worst. Somehow, you don't see the real value of plan B. If you would, you would be in a stellar, watertight, unbreakable plan B.

MB is a fool proof plan, anyone who follows it can recover. You don't need to know why it works (and I bet you want to know the tiniest detail why it works), you just need to follow the plan.

You don't need to do this for me or any other member of this board (we are just some bits and bytes on the internet). If not for yourself, you need to do this for your children.

Hi Goody2Shoes, everything you say is right. I am both a scientist and a business person, I love making stuff happen, and I love devoting huge effort and energy to coming up with plans to beat expectations. I don't think I have ADHD (i really love being lazy in front of the TV too ;)) and I'm very emotionally resilliant rather than depressive, but I am struggling to embrace the calm of doing nothing active to tackle the situation - even though I know it is the best thing for me, for the kids, and for WH.

I just heard 5 mins ago that OC has got his visa, so he will be home within a week. And that makes a HUGE difference. The nightly frustrations of Skype with OC and WH together will be gone, and we will all feel the proper separation between "the family (me and kids)" and WH. With all the kids with me, and the divorce and maintenance stuff now with lawyers, there is not any reason at all for me to contact him, or for him to contact me. I know I should have been able to break contact earlier even with these issues still hanging over us, but it is definitely a lot simpler and easier now.

You're right about the email address. I set up a new one back in March, I think, but didn't do a proper job of switching all my bank stuff, accounts, car stuff, etc, contact details so I never really managed to give up the old one - and told myself that because I had blocked him from most stuff that was OK. But I wouldn't accept that solution as adequate no contact with OW, so why should I give myself lower standards?! I am working on switching everything over properly now, with the aim to have it done by next week so I can properly close down my current email.

Thank you for pushing me!


BW (me) 40
WH, serial cheater, 41
Four children:
DS1 8
DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me)
DS3 6
DD 2

D-day Jan 4 2017
Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017
Plan D Aug 28 2017
Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 139
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 139
That's lovely about your son getting his visa. That will knock down the stress levels considerably. Congrats.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,349
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,349
Likes: 3
How did you hear about OC receiving his visa?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 139
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 139
I read chalkncheese's post from 7:53am today. Sorry, not sure how to put it in quote. She said:

I just heard 5 mins ago that OC has got his visa, so he will be home within a week.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,349
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,349
Likes: 3
Originally Posted by JanetS
I read chalkncheese's post from 7:53am today. Sorry, not sure how to put it in quote. She said:

I just heard 5 mins ago that OC has got his visa, so he will be home within a week.
Thanks I already saw that. My question is to chalkncheese on how she heard this information.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 139
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 139
LOL Nevermind!

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
How did you hear about OC receiving his visa?

frown Via the same route (clusterbombing of all my email addresses) because I have not closed the old email account yet like I should have done. I'm sorry to everyone for not implementing advice. I've got to let go. It's weird that what should be one of the easiest bits of plan B, is actually hard. Moving was not so difficult because it was full of action and the excitment of a new life and experiences. I am dragging my feet with closing email because it takes quite a lot of admin work to make sure all I switch contacts with all the important places, and I guess I am not properly feeling the urgency of how these contacts from WH are stopping me moving on with my recovery. But rationally I do acknowledge that I mustn't see these things, and it keeps me hooked on the story of what is happening with him. So I need to ignore the feeling bit and just do it. I'm usually so good at that.


BW (me) 40
WH, serial cheater, 41
Four children:
DS1 8
DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me)
DS3 6
DD 2

D-day Jan 4 2017
Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017
Plan D Aug 28 2017
Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
Originally Posted by JanetS
I read chalkncheese's post from 7:53am today. Sorry, not sure how to put it in quote. She said:

I just heard 5 mins ago that OC has got his visa, so he will be home within a week.

Thanks Janet S. BrainHurts was 2x4ing me in the most gentle way. But I need it!!


BW (me) 40
WH, serial cheater, 41
Four children:
DS1 8
DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me)
DS3 6
DD 2

D-day Jan 4 2017
Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017
Plan D Aug 28 2017
Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,786
Likes: 1
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,786
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by chalkncheese
I have not closed the old email account yet like I should have done.


How hard would it be for you to get that old cellphone number back for a month? Or get the phone company to temporarily forward calls to you? That way you could recover access to the hotmail account and kill it.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,349
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,349
Likes: 3
Originally Posted by chalkncheese
Originally Posted by JanetS
I read chalkncheese's post from 7:53am today. Sorry, not sure how to put it in quote. She said:

I just heard 5 mins ago that OC has got his visa, so he will be home within a week.

Thanks Janet S. BrainHurts was 2x4ing me in the most gentle way. But I need it!!
I'm glad my friend, you knew what I was doing. I know you will feel so much better and really start to heal when you close all the Plan B holes.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
Zero contact (really proper zero contact) for four days and counting....



BW (me) 40
WH, serial cheater, 41
Four children:
DS1 8
DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me)
DS3 6
DD 2

D-day Jan 4 2017
Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017
Plan D Aug 28 2017
Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
The thing I really struggle with (in trying to maintain no contact) is when I do not have any way to access information that I need in order to plan things in life. For example, WH has still not given me any information about the medical insurance. I do not know if we have cover or not - so I do not know if I will get turned away if I try to take the children to the doctor. Not knowing, and not being able to access the information via any other means other than WH, is extremely frustrating.

Also, now that I know OC has his visa, I need to know when WH will be flying here with him. I need to be at the airport to meet him because I do not want WH to know where we live. Also, I need to arrange for him to be served with the divorce papers at the airport. WH has not answered inquiries from my IM about when OC is travelling, and I don't expect him to. So now I am stuck. I cannot make preparations for OC, I can't answer the school's questions about when he will arrive, I don't know whether I should pay for him to do the same activities as the other two for this month, and we can't plan our family time, etc.

I am trying to just let go of all of this stuff, but these are crucial pieces of information for managing my and the kids' lives and feeling as though I am being deprived of the information is really frustrating.

Last edited by chalkncheese; 08/08/17 03:45 AM.

BW (me) 40
WH, serial cheater, 41
Four children:
DS1 8
DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me)
DS3 6
DD 2

D-day Jan 4 2017
Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017
Plan D Aug 28 2017
Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,786
Likes: 1
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,786
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by chalkncheese
The thing I really struggle with (in trying to maintain no contact) is when I do not have any way to access information that I need in order to plan things in life. For example, WH has still not given me any information about the medical insurance. I do not know if we have cover or not - so I do not know if I will get turned away if I try to take the children to the doctor. Not knowing, and not being able to access the information via any other means other than WH, is extremely frustrating.

Will the insurance company not confirm coverage? Have you tried contracting them directly. Otherwise ask the doctor's office to do this.

When my son was ill, I had to pay at time of service and then put in a claim. Insurance covered it but the cheque went to XWH. He just trousered the money. Of course you can then net this out at settlement but it is extremely annoying.

Originally Posted by chalkncheese
Also, now that I know OC has his visa, I need to know when WH will be flying here with him. I need to be at the airport to meet him because I do not want WH to know where we live.

Let WH sort this out. If he does not know where you live, he will have to give you this information eventually. In the meantime, ask OC what his travel plans are.

Surprise is your greatest weapon. Plan on taking someone with you to the airport, maybe your nanny or even a security guard. That way you can sit in the car and not have to see WH.

Originally Posted by chalkncheese
Also, I need to arrange for him to be served with the divorce papers at the airport.

Oh dear, I hope you have not told WH that you are planning to serve him with divorce papers. If he suspects, it would explain his mucking you about and no amount of contact is going to work. Is there any way that he can find out your address?

Originally Posted by chalkncheese
I am trying to just let go of all of this stuff, but these are crucial pieces of information for managing my and the kids' lives and feeling as though I am being deprived of the information is really frustrating.


If you are a good organiser, this this stuff will be immensely frustrating.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
Hi Living Well,

Thanks very much.

Originally Posted by living_well
Will the insurance company not confirm coverage? Have you tried contracting them directly. Otherwise ask the doctor's office to do this.

I've called them and they say they can't discuss the account with me since I am not the main member and my insurance is inactive.

Originally Posted by living_well
When my son was ill, I had to pay at time of service and then put in a claim. Insurance covered it but the cheque went to XWH. He just trousered the money. Of course you can then net this out at settlement but it is extremely annoying.

Yes, exactly! He would definitely take the money if I claimed, so I guess i just have to hope we don't get sick or injured - or be prepared to pay out of pocket.

Originally Posted by livingwell
Originally Posted by chalkncheese
Also, now that I know OC has his visa, I need to know when WH will be flying here with him. I need to be at the airport to meet him because I do not want WH to know where we live.

Let WH sort this out. If he does not know where you live, he will have to give you this information eventually. In the meantime, ask OC what his travel plans are.

I've asked OC but he says he doesn't know. Just that he has found a shop selling a present he wants to buy me so he can't leave before papa has taken him to the shop to buy me the gift (ah, he's so sweet!).

Originally Posted by livingwell
Surprise is your greatest weapon. Plan on taking someone with you to the airport, maybe your nanny or even a security guard. That way you can sit in the car and not have to see WH.

Agree! I've been reading up on the Art of War wink

Originally Posted by living well
Originally Posted by chalkncheese
Also, I need to arrange for him to be served with the divorce papers at the airport.

Oh dear, I hope you have not told WH that you are planning to serve him with divorce papers. If he suspects, it would explain his mucking you about and no amount of contact is going to work. Is there any way that he can find out your address?

Not to worry! I have not told him (apart from the general discussions in the past couple of months about wanting to divorce him). His not telling me the flight times are characteristic of his behaviour both past and present. He is an EFSP Myers Briggs type and persistently avoids being pinned down to specific times/dates/arrangements lest it restrict his ability to change plans at the last minute. I now understand (after doing a lot of reading about Myers Briggs personality types) that this characteristic explains so much of his crazy behaviour during the period when we were separated but still living in the same country. It also makes me see that he has real trouble with thinking strategically, planning future interventions to get a particular outcome, and predicting the consequences of actions or decisions.

Originally Posted by livingwell
Originally Posted by chalkncheese
I am trying to just let go of all of this stuff, but these are crucial pieces of information for managing my and the kids' lives and feeling as though I am being deprived of the information is really frustrating.


If you are a good organiser, this this stuff will be immensely frustrating.

Extremely!! I have just learnt I am an INTJ myers briggs type, so about as opposite as it is possible to be from WH (chalk and cheese - hee hee), and very focused on strategy, long term planning, data, information, etc. But this is the last hurdle. When OC is back, I really won't have any reason to rely on him for info at all and the medical insurance is part of the divorce stuff, so i guess i have to be patient about that and make sure my kids don't do too much throwing themselves around.


BW (me) 40
WH, serial cheater, 41
Four children:
DS1 8
DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me)
DS3 6
DD 2

D-day Jan 4 2017
Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017
Plan D Aug 28 2017
Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 599
PS. Just noticed I didn't answer the question about my address. He can't find out my address by himself right now - but it is printed on the summons for the divorce, so he will find out soon. Thankfully, though, we are now living in a security estate with biometric access gates. He can't enter the estate without having had his fingerprints scanned, and that requires me to fill in a form indicating my approval for him to be a visitor.

He would be able to find the kids' school with a quick google search, but I have given instructions to them not to let anyone but me or my nanny collect the children.


BW (me) 40
WH, serial cheater, 41
Four children:
DS1 8
DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me)
DS3 6
DD 2

D-day Jan 4 2017
Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017
Plan D Aug 28 2017
Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
Page 29 of 49 1 2 27 28 29 30 31 48 49

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 33 guests, and 46 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,804
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5