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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 338
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 338 |
Hello all - I would like to know if I should switch from Plan B to Plan A behaviors. I usuallyt post on the preg/ board but I am looking for a wide range of insight to this question. It has been over a year since D-Day and 10 months since I started a real strong Plan B. My husband and I just started counseling together. We are both very cautious. So..... should I still be avoiding all contact and making things as difficult as I can for him or should I revert more to Plan A type behaviors? I'd love to hear oyther opinions about this. Thanks<BR> Kris
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Joined: Oct 1998
Posts: 2,075
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Joined: Oct 1998
Posts: 2,075 |
I responded to your message over on the P/C forum. ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>Terri
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 587
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 587 |
Hi Quakermom!<P>In my opinion, I think you should go back to plan A. Going to counseling is a first step and you need plan A to reinforce that progress, I think. <P>
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,244
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,244 |
I'm not experienced at this phase, but I personally believe that in order to benefit fully from counselling, you'd have to be in Plan A rather than Plan B. Not having contact other than the counselling seems like a very slow way to try and make progress.
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 4,297
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 4,297 |
I think it depends on whether or not he is living with the OW.<P>If he is, then are still in Plan B. Your counseling sessions would be the only allowable contact with him in a Plan B.<P>If he has had no contact with OW AND he is taking all the right steps, then moving to Plan A would make sense.<P>You may want to re-read the Plan A & Plan B material. <P>Good Luck<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 338
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 338 |
Hi to all and thanks for your responses <P> My husband works with the OW but says they don't have a physical realtionship now. They do have some sort of relationship though because she gave birth to his child the day after X-Mas. He does want to have contact with the child. We havn't even started to deal with the oc issues in counseling but are really just focused right now on how we got here and do we want to continue (I do but I don't want to be hurt again). I think he does but doesn't know how to put everything back together again.<P>We see each other at counseling. When he picks up our children I have stayed inside but have talked to him occaisionally outside where during Plan B I avoided him totally. <P>So again....is this Plan A or B and if so how do you act accordingly?<P> Kris
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 407
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 407 |
The way I remember it in Harley's book, you go to plan B until the WS agrees to work on the marriage. I would consider counselling working on the marriage,so I think you should be back to plan A.<BR>Since it's been so long for you two, could you start with dating each other besides the counselling?
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