Marriage in recovery from A now 14 months and doing great. H had A with coworker for 2 yrs.<P>Tomorrow is company picnic and we are going! We didn't go last year since we were in counseling and pain was still so raw. The company picnic of l999 was so humiliating because the two were so flirtatious and it was so obvious they or she was stuck on him. Still dday wasn't until 12 months after that, but tomorrow is the first picnic since d day.<P>I am so nervous. I am worried about my looks, my hair, what I wear, etc....as if I am competing with this woman. I know I am not, so why am I feeling like this? What if I get there and have a panic attack or something? We have ran into her at Wal Mart before and both of us gotten a little nervous, but I feel VERY nervous. Should I even go? Any pointers on how to calm me and help me maintain my cool?<P>I know she will be nervous too, especially since she claims to still love my H and want him back after no contact for one yr now. So should I just go knowing this will hurt her seeing our marriage is still together?<P>

YOU GO, you look beautiful, you hang on your H's arm and on his every word, you laugh, have fun, and keep those eyes peeled for her (but don't be obvious) -- don't FAKE it or anything -- just be very MARRIED!!<P>Good luck!

Hi Kaymac,<P>Go to the picnic. Hold your head up high. He is your H and he is with you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. <P>Can you let your H know how you feel? Will he be there to protect your feelings and meet your EN? Are their others who can be around you for support?<P>If she tries to do anything and you start to feel nervous, are you strong enough to look at her straight in the eye? Maybe that might be hard. Ok, then have your family around you. Remember you are the wife. She is a pile of nothing who is really jealous of you. <P>It is not what is on the outside that makes one 'beautiful', it is what is on the inside. <P>L.

Thanks for the encouragement and suggestions.<P>We have discussed my feelings and his and have even went into the "what if this happens" discussion and came up with some solutions.<P>We both agree to leave if one feels overwhelmed. I do not wish to look into eyes, but I admit if I catch her looking my way I will probably give a dirty look back.<P>We are surrounding ourselves with other employees and their wives who no nothing of this A, and also bringing some guests to help ME feel comfortable. H will not play activities (volleyball, baseball, etc) if she is playing.<P>I don't know that I will sleep tonight. I am so nervous. I know I have him, and I know he loves me and I won, but still I feel some sort of betrayal just having her in same area knowing they were so intimate for 2 yrs. I fear he will have thoughts of what he may be missing and that is crazy! He is completely different. It's just what is in my head. After tomorrow I will be fine. I just need to vent.