Just got an e mail, from H saying that he has not changed his mind and it is time to tell the youngest and family as it has been to hard and stressful for him. Says that he has tried keeping things as normal as possible, but thinks that that has been harder on me.<P>Wants to talk tonight but wasn't willing to give up racquetball or school tonight says that he'll see me about 10. Hadn't planned on being home tonight when he got here anyways, thought about a late movie, not sure now.<P>I know that this will probably end in Divorce, still not what I want but I can accept that now and will move on with my life. What it is going to do to my kids is what tears me up the most. Neither H or I come from Divorced families, and never thought that this is where I would end up. I so wanted a strong and stable family life for them to have, an to hold on to, like what H and I each had from our parents. Just doesn't seem fair that he wants to take all of that a way from them, for his own very selfish reasons. It makes me so mad, and I haven't really gotten that mad about the things that he has done to me or put me through, it's my kids, the youngest one especially, she has sensed that something is up and asked when she saw me reading divorcebusters and I explained that it was to help couples that were having problems so that they wouldn't divorce, then a few months later she seen me looking for airline tickets to go home and she asked how long we were going to stay and I said I didn't know, could be a while, she asked how was she to see her daddy. I just cried and so did she. Then a few weeks after that she couldnt sleep and asked me if her daddy and I weren't getting along and I said no, that everything would be ok. And I truly believe that it will be ok, it's just not going to be what she is use to.<P>Again I have rambled on, but really don't have any friends here and have always been a very outgoing person with lots of friends and haven't had that here, my parents are very supportive and so is my younger brother, he's been thru a divorce, no kids though, is very close to mine and will help them.<P>Thanks for reading and supporting, the end is near it's been 6 months in the making, still not sure how I will handle things tonight, don't want to cry like usual, wish I knew what had pushed him to do this today. Dawn <BR>

Dear Daybreak,<P>My heart is hurting for you and your children. Your H wants to notify the family but only after his things are done? Well, what does that tell you? Do you keep your kids up late just for dad to talk at his convenience? You decide. <P>For me, I told H when he wanted to do that. Ok, but when we are available and then H would need to face our child and tell him, himself. No help or coaching from me. It was heartbreaking. Both cried, my son is only 6 years old and his immediate reaction was, why do other children get to have a dad & I don't? I can't go to school because the other children will make fun of me since I don't have a dad. <P>That reaction was totally unexpected to both of us but it did have an impact on H. Our son has been damaged by that incident. Our family will have to live with that permanent scar. The only thing my H can do is to fix it on a go forward basis. Mind you OW is out there saying that our son will be 'ok' without his dad, that our son will 'survive' without his dad. Easy to say, creepy OW but not easy to do. OW has no feelings. Let your H see some of these statements on how other children react. Then let him hear his own react to him. <P>Daybreak, there is not much you can do if this is the path your H takes. Just be there for you children when they need to have your reassurance that you will not leave them also. Let them know they are still loved but do not make excuses for your H. Let him bear the brunt of his decision. Be honest with your children. They can see the truth and will react accordingly. You never want to betray your children's trust in you, that is all they have right now and you have us. <P><<<<here is a hug>>>><P>Take care,<BR>L.<BR>

Daybreak,<P> I am very sorry to hear your story. Anytime children are involved it does two things to me. 1) It makes me want to cry. 2) It pisses me off to no end. <P> Maybe I don't understand, having never been there myself, but...then again the WS is all about "ME" anyway. Why should they care about the kids? Take the Bast**d to the cleaners.

You have lots of friends here: you just haven't met them all yet.<P>My exW left me and my children. I was totally honest with them from day one (it was a small town and she wasn't being discrete). It did tick her off royally, but I felt the children had a right to know. Since that time, she has tried to work on them, implementing "revisionist" history, etc.<P>But because I was honest and upfront with them from the beginning, they pretty much see through it. One main thing though: I have not tried to make them "choose sides" ... my exW is their mother, and nothing will change that fact. Nothing will change the fact that she decided to abandon her family.<P>So time wears on. The children are off visiting her now, as a matter of fact.<P>If the marriage cannot be reconciled, then you must be their protector; but protection does not mean sheltering them. Be honest and open. Love them harder than ever. In the long run they will thank you for it.<P>Godspeed and good luck,<BR>STL

Thanks for the responses, was getting a little worried as I wasn't getting much response from MBers lately, but know that there are many out there hurting, and some not as strong as me, I usually only reach out in times of weakness, I didn't want to cry anymore, and I am setting here in tears now, from just reading your posts, it tears me up thinking about my kids.<P>The 19yo and 16yo know already it is the 10yo that doesn't know yet. The 16yo asked her dad what was up, which was a shock to him, we then waited up to tell the 19 yo together. Not much of a reation from either of them, being military they are use to dad being gone a lot of the time due to his job on the avg he has been gone about a week and a half out of each month sometimes more sometimes less. So they are use to dad not always being her with us, I've done alot of this parenting thing on my own already and was so careful to make sure that he always felt a part of it. They both said that it is probably for the best, H and I never fought or had loud arguements. I guess they figure that he was on his own he looked else where for compainion ship. Hadn't told the 10yo as of Sat before Fathers day and dad was due to go out of town the next day and I did not want him telling her and then leaving for 5 days, so said to her in front of H that we might have to stay in SD for awhile waiting for housing at the new base. He asked later why I did that I explained that it wasn't fair to leave me with the aftermath. So now he wants to tell her. Don't think tonight though says that we need to be on the same page, so will be us tonight. He will have to tell her that it is because of another women that he wants to leave his family. 19yo son does not want to move from here but is not financially secure with job and such to stay here on his own so all he is thinking of is himself and how he can stay here, 16 yo has a steady boyfriend that she is concerned with leaving, so there thoughts aren't dwelling on mom and dads problems. I don't know if that is good or bad.<P>Since the other two found out nothing in the house has changed, he is still on couch. Things look normal, had overnight company from out of town this week and they didn't catch on. I think that he needs to leave for now, but will not say that to him as I don't want to be the one that kicked dad out. He will have to come to that on his own.<P>Would I like to call the OW and say you won, but I don't think He is going to be happy and now you can deal with him. I know that is not good to do, but I haven't gotten to do anything mean through out all of this, I chose to take the high road. And that is a pretty narrow road. My counselor says she can't believe how well I have naviagated that road.<P>Again thanks for the support, I just fear for the pain that the two of them will be going through. She knows that something is up as she has been getting a lot of one on one attention from H lately. H will be about 675 miles from the kids and I. Not but a days drive, hope he plans on driving it often.<P>Am going to go play board games with the kids, as 19 yo took my car to help out a friend so I guess I will be here at 10. Schucks can't even be mean about that and not be here HA! Dawn