Last night when H got home from work he seemed kind of cranky saying things like ... Im not chasing the baby after working all day Im tired... <BR>OK so i ask him if he would like me to fix his plate. he says no im not hungry now.<BR>not 5 mniutes later he fixes his own plate. ok fine <BR>his friend calls wants him to come over and show him how to do something on an engine.<BR> H says Ill be right back<BR>1 1/2 hours later he comes back<P>then h says he didnt send me a Vcard for our anniversary because i asked for it.<P>i said to him ok so next time you tell me what you want for Xmas remind me not to get it for you cause you asked for it.<P>No comment from H on that one<BR>about 10 minutes later he apoligized said he was cranky and stuff... ok snuggle i want to have a nice anniversary.<P><BR>about 20 minutes later<P>i dont even know what the fight was about but it came down my mom never does anything for us (babysit) so he sat there and rankled about my mother for about 15 minutes. when he stopped to catch his breath i said.. i dont like your mother either and procceeded to give him the reasons why. after i finished i asked how he liked it when i said things about his mother?..... TRYING to make him understand that reguardless of what my mother does or doesnt do for us she is still my mother and its an LB to knock her down to me.<BR>Then i told him to get the hell away from me cause frankjly i was sick of listening to him. i told him why dont you go live with you friend. (Same sex) his reply was id leave if i could.<P>so the arguing continues..... about dumb insignificant stuff like who smoked the last cigarette or whatever.<P>so the fight dies down <P>a 1/2 hour later H wants to snuggle<BR>frankly why would i want to after fighting with him<P>his behavior towards me is only pushing me away(see my post Everything i My fault).... He is making it so i dont even want to be around him. Im sick of being treated like dirt and walked all over.<P>of course if i say thins to H his reply is i dont treat you like that<P><BR>any advice for this one???<BR>

Have you read about the giver and the taker on this site? Also the three stages in a marriage.<P>It could be a good start to understanding him...<p>[This message has been edited by M&J (edited August 21, 2001).]

I'll bet that this is something that you are already doing, but large generalizations like "treat me like dirt" don't really give our spouses a big enough clue about what they are doing wrong. Try smaller doses like "When you worked late and were late for dinner, I felt unappreciated, like the cooking I did for you didn't matter." Point out small things that they can improve upon right away. Added up they feel like being treated like dirt, but if you can knock down one or two of those things every couple of weeks, soon you would feel like you are being dumped on so much.<P>Mrs. Job

Hi,<P>Well this is your H we talking about, so it can't be PMS or can it? ha ha!!<P>No, but it sure does seem like it. So how do you tackle such an obstacle? Well you tried the do unto others (non scriptural application version) so get my point across and it didn't work. <P>Howz about, when he wants to snuggle, swallow your pride before doing this. Go to him and ask his permission to ask a question. Oh yes, we do this in our home now. We both know that means a whopper might be coming but it semi prepares us. I say, can I ask you a question? H says what? (now he says yes..... hm....). Then I proceed. In your case, you could say something like, I see you have been troubled lately, pretty moody, ya know like when I PMS? What's bothering you? In other words say something to lighten it up then when he lighten us a bit, ask you question, you already have his persmission.....<P>Just a thought, it can back fire and turn into a full blown argument but after a few of those it tends to calm down. Remember you did make him smile then you asked your question, it really does a number to those in the fog. See they know they are acting this way but somehow they may be helpless in stopping themselves. Our acknowledgement of this can help. Just gotta watch how and when we bring up these sensative points. <P>Sorry your anniversary was not pleasant. Last year (our 10th) I didn't even have one. This year was better, next year ......well.... don't know yet..... looks like we'll have one but ya never know!!!! I keep smiling anyway. RE: it makes them wonder what I'm up to. <P>JHMO,<BR>L. <BR>