My W lives in Denver, The OM in Albuquerque. About 450 miles. Short enough to spend the weekend. But easier to see on the phone bill.<P>I just found about the A. She seems addicted to him. Can't stop calling him, and he her. <P>At first I did not meet her EN's, but since counseling and visiting this site, I have tried to turn things around, with no sucess because she is not giving us a chance by seeing the OM.<P>My plan is to stop trying anything till the A ends.

My W long distance A started in October 2000 with email. Progressed to weekly phone calls in November. By June, she was calling him up to 6 times a day, and he the same to her. They have seen each other 3 times that I know of. My guess is that it is still going on - even though they say they are no longer in communication.<P>I wonder if the long distance A is harder to quit because they are not together often enough to see each others true faults. Everything over the phone is a projection of their best side.<P>S&C

I am thinking the same thing, that Long Distance A's are harder to stop, because of not seeing the true faults. <P>I believe my W is moving out. We haven't talked about it since I told her I knew about the OM. But when she stormed out after that, she said she was leaving.<P>I feel hurt, but still love her. I think her away from our house and our kids ( 2 labrador retreivers, no true kids) She will at least get to explore the A even more and find out if that is what she truly wants to do.

With my W, she asked me for a temporary separation in March. She told me that she just needed to miss me. Turns out she was talking to OM the whole time. Within 2 weeks of me moving out, thinking that it was a way to save our marriage, she was talking divorce. We have four children ranging in age from 6 to 14 (plus 2 four-legged children).<P>We are trying to make this marriage work. My W, who told me up until she started the communications with OM, that she loved me completely and there were no changes that she needed me to make. Now there's a list a mile long. Nevertheless, we are in counseling, and are talking about moving back together maybe sometime in December (her choice not mine).<P>S&C<P>

I agree, the WS only hears positive feedback and when they have not seen each other only imagines them together. My H has not seen the OW since March 2001,(350 miles apart) 4 months after d-day from his first A, he was not being honest about the current one and I sensed the dishonesty and in March was when our marriage was the worst. The OW is married & her counselor suggested a 45 day no contact and during that time I work on EN, but mostly myself - now I am uderstanding my relationship with God and I have CHOICES and can feel good about myself. But there are back lapses or tiggers where I revert to "Basement or 1st floor behavior." During that time we made great strides in our relationship - discussing honesty. At the end of each of their imposed call restriction they always resumed calling each other to see how they were doing and I feel giving each other moral support in dealing with us BS's. I sense the difference each time there is a time frame with no calls and then my WS going through withdrawl and wanting to meet you and see her.<BR> <P> One of those bad times after he quickly scanned a anniversary letter I decided to send a copy of it to the OW. My mistake was telling him what I did - I was trying the future honesty thing. Boy did that create the phone calls to each other. HE uses phone cards. I originally thought I would give him to the end of August to get off of the fence and decide if he wanted to commit or to separate, but since I have been lurking around for a month and do see improvement here and there I will still try PLan a for 6 month. Lurking has certainly helped me.<P>I don't know what I am going to do if he decides to see the OW again. I have thought about the SEparation Plan a if it is before the end of the 6 months.<P>I know the anger you feel - But reading here has helped me defuse the firecracker.<P>BTW - It's my b-day and my H was never one to plan ahead about other family needs. We have tried talking about my EN. Any way for the first time in many years he wrote more than luv ya. We live two hours away from any mall, so it does take a little planning for future events. A month ago, when he was fogger than today all he could think about was the OW, let alone our anniversary or my B-day, or me going back to work. He did find a nice ceramic candle holder and I liked it along with a candle, but the fact that he wrote something probably means more to me. <P> He wrote: " ___ I do not do a very good job of thanking you for all you do for us! You are a great mother of our children and do so much. Have a wonderful day and we will go out this evening for supper. love ____ P.S. As you see my ADD has struck again. Sorry. <P>I know it isn't much, but it is the first time he has ever acknowledge those facts and I do love him.<P>I think he has not called the OW in 4 days, but last week I was exploding when he was calling her every day. Oswald ? and others have give me hope so I am still PLan a and asking about calling a few times he tells me. I am working on controlling my anger when I ask or get told. It is so hard to still PLan A. I am also going to trying not discussing the OW.<P>Zeeman I feel you need to work on plan A and lurk and vent here. Good luck, my heart feels your pain. Sorry this is so rambling.<BR>

Zeeman,<P><BR>From what I've lived through and read about, LD A's generally last longer that they would if the OP was local. I think the general philosophy behind it is that the distance helps to keep the WS from seeing the OP as they really are, less chance for LBs and places even higher expectation and anticipation on their next get together (fantasy).<P>My Wife's LD A lasted as a PA for over a year and I'm not absolutely the EA is over a year after that. The rest of my story is way too long too include here, but can be found by scanning the "read only " and "GQII" boards.<P>The best thing I could tell you is you might have the situation that beats the odds and the MB plan is a good way to live no matter what your situation or potential outcome.<P>I wish you the best.<BR>

My wife's EA and PA is long distance (1000 miles) and it just seems like it is never going to end. It is too easy for them to convince themselves that it is really over, but they are just in another one of their 30-day waiting times in between seeing each other again. This isn't very encouraging <BR>

W Came home last night and would not talk to me. She seems to be angry at me for finding out.<P>The only thing she mentioned was that I need to think about a settlement on the house. She says she will be talking to a lawyer soon.<P>Question? How can I implement plan A if she won't sit down and have a reasonable disscussion?<P>How come she is mad at me? I know I didn't show her EN's months ago, but I was trying before I found out about the A.