Well my marriage is over. Today he took my kids out WITH HER!!! She even told them she was daddy's girlfriend. I phoned him and gave him hell. I din't care if it was LBing or not. How DARE he introduce that ***** to them when he hadn't even admitted a relationship to me. <BR>I'm sitting here crying my eyes out...I am totally heartbroken that he could involve the kids. He didn't tell me, they did....he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore.<P>So now it's time to Plan B. He won't give her up to work on us because he doesn't want to... I am booking my tickets for ASAP now. This week if I can. I just can't deal with this. An HIS voice...Mr Calm...I'm sorry you're hurting...yeah??? Getting coaching from his little NLP A+ whore.<P>God I've been so stupid to think I even had a chance."<P>I don't want to try now, I think I'm moving to Plan C...How can anyone be so cruel to another human being? And that was my husband!!!<BR>

Nina, sweetie, I know how bad you're hurting. I'm so sorry, you certainly don't deserve this.<P>How long have you been in Plan A? Do you feel you've been successful in demonstrating your changes to your H?<P>We all have a hard time not LBing when our spouses do such hurtful and unconscionable things, so don't beat yourself up about it.<P>Have you composed a Plan B letter yet? If so, why don't you post it here so we can review it for you.<P>I'm just so sorry. Pls post back so we know you're okay.<P>Jo<P><BR>

Hi Jo,<P>No, I'm not okat with this. I have been Plan A'ing for 8 months and for 5 of them so was he. And I felt it was very succesful. Then one day it was like a switch went off....and he had a wall up. I now realise the switch was 2nd OW.<P>He said before he left 7 weeks ago that he didn't want to work at it, and the old re-write history stuff that they all come up with. And today, nothing's changed, well why should it, he's got her.<P>I'm not beating myself up over LB'ing today...he involved minors in his illicit affair, and that is JUST NOT ON in anyone's book....he knew they would tell me too. I HATE him right now. I can't wait to be away from him and his poor morals. He will NEVER again get the chance to do that to me or my kids.<P>Well he got his wish, he said the other day he wished I hated him. But like most parents with a brain in their heads, you know you should NEVER involve them in any negatives if you can help it. He absolutely destroyed my 8 year old today. For that, I hate him, and he will, if he ever considers the possibility, have to work like a trojan to win me back.<P>

Nina I'm so sorry for your pain I know the hurt is deep. I think your H is a big a** to do this to your kids. I'm sure somewhere deep down he knows how wrong he is for doing this. I want you to know tht we are all here for you. Take care of you right now and your kids. You are in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>cybil

How are your kids handling it all? The kids are always my primary concern in A situations. When my H was screwing around, at least my kids were all young enough that they won't remember anything... and to the best of my knowledge, he never took our 2 yr old with him when he saw OW#1.<P>You say your 8 yr old is destroyed? What happened? <P>Karen<BR>

What "happened" according to him, is that she did call herself Daddy's girlfriend....obviously so it would get back to me...he is an intelligent kid, and while he was telling me about daddy picking up "his friend" the penny dropped. He realised what he had lived through today, and tyhen had to deal with my knowledge of it.<P>THIS is why I am so angry.<P>I have her email address...should I write and abuse her??? It would make me feel a LOT better!

Nina,<P>As much as I understand your wanting to run back to Oz ASAP, think of your children. Sometimes uprooting so fast, could be harmful, is there someone you could talk to about how this affects the kids.<P>when my STBX quite his job, packed & shipped us back to the states, after the boys & I were here already on homeleave, my YS (9) took it very well, he was glad not to be going back, my OS is a different stroy but then Singapore was so bad for him, that his feelings were irrevelant in many ways.<P>My long winded point is while I believe that returning to OZ is in all of your best interest, doing it while you are so emtional may not be in the best intrest of your children. Leaving during a school break, etc, might be better. <P>Just my thoughts from a former BS expat.

Thanks for the input, but since he left, he has wanted ME to go back to Oz. So I prepared the kids in advance...we may have to go back to Oz without dad, etc, and they are cool with it as far as I can tell. They look forwward to seeing all their relatives....well the older two do, the youngest hasn't got a clue.<P>So while I feel it is rushing it myself, I know that because I have already discussed this with them many times, they are prepared. They will NEVER get used to being without dad, but that is something I can't help.

Hi Nina,<P>I sent you this post on another thread. Not sure if you read it so I am putting it here on yours. <P>Here is your post: <P>I had a horrible day...look over in D/D.<BR>I wanted to have him come home, but he doesn't want to. I told him, when ever he is ready to come home, we will be waiting, but he doesn't think I am what he wants...no he would rather a three times divorced slut. So what am I to do?<P>IP: Logged<BR> <BR>Orchid<BR>Member posted August 26, 2001 05:53 PM <BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<BR>Nina2,<BR>You have to decide whether you want the real H or the one he has become. Do you want to share your H with the OW? If not and he does not want to come, then really what good will he be to you and your family if he comes home 1/2 a man? <P>My H came home prematurely twice. I am still wondering about this 3rd time. Many warned me here that it was too early, but like yourself, I was afraid of losing him. So I made the fatal flaw of letting him come home too early and walk all over me. He had his cake (security of the home) and could eat it to (OW at his disposal). See OW is willing to settle for 1/2 a man. Why not, the other half she might be able to get from another man..... These OWs (manipulative ones who persue and plunder) are never in want..... they are selfish creatures who know how to please themselves. Even pleasing our H's are not their #1 priority. <P>That decision took me on a roller coaster ride that I would not wish on anyone. During this ride I got pregnant and OW claimed the same. I miscarried and OW claimed the same. Are you getting this? I did not have to go through all this cr&p....... I should have let him stay out there longer. Like this last time. He begged to come home for 10 days straight, then when he finally was able to call from OWs house and ask to come home with OW yelling in the background "L. take him back". I let him come home. It has been 3 weeks but 3 rough weeks for me and he is doing better than the last time but still has a ways to go. <P>So think about your request. I understand your feelings but the man out there may not be the same one you knew before. <P><BR>L. <P> <BR>

Too late.

Nina im so sorry for your pain i dont know what else to say, that was an awful thing for your H to do they seem so blind to our suffering.<BR>you will be in my thoughts tonight take care<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Me again forgot the big hug<BR>(((((((nina))))))))))<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Hang in there, Nina. I've read your story and from what I have read you are a fighter so HOLD ON TO YOUR MARRIAGE WITH A TENACITY, please! He is Evil, wicked...She is the same, but things can change. Hang in there. I am going to pray for you right now.<P><BR>

Thanks so much everyone for you support....yes he is doing some horrible things right now. Not the same person I knew, only a short time ago.<P><BR>I'm trying to be strong, but I am getting SOOOO tired.<P><BR>I have been posting over in D/D if you want to follow my story. I'm sorry, I don't know how to do links.<P>Thanks again.