I have read some of the posts and in a weird way I can relate. I have a wonderful relationship. He is a great man that I can see, but I find myself waiting for the worst. Waiting for him to cheat or do something I can't forgive. I find myself crossing the line and checking his voicemail and emails to see if I find something. I know this is wrong, and I don't want to do it, and he has given me no reason to do this..but in thinking that he may do so, makes me very sad and doesn't let me enjoy what I do have with him now. How can I stop this and trust him and let his actions show me the way to happiness.<P>P.s. This is my second marriage. I think some of this comes from damage done by first husband.<P>I don't talk to anyone about my doubts and this has probably magnified my feelings.<P>------------------<BR>Whildpooh

My advice would be to seek counseling for your insecurities. If you don't feel your husband has given you any reason for mistrusting him, you have some insecurity issues left from your first marriage. Believe me when I say this; I did not get the counseling I needed after my first H had an affair. I have struggled my entire 2nd marriage (16 years) with this insecurity. It's one of the reasons my H left me and found someone else. I accused him falsly, and now he says it's part of what drove him to finally have an affair. Get some help. Talk to your husband if you can.

Thank you Myownme. I am sorry about your situation. I know how it must feel to go through this for so long. Did counseling help for you? I have considered counseling and I almost picked up the phone today to schedule an appointment, but without going into too much of my past, I am afraid that some things from childhood that I have worked so hard to hide may come out and destroy my life even more. And when I say hide, I mean from myself. I have worked so hard to bury those memories, I don't want anything to bring them to the forefront. My H knows about my insecurities (maybe not to my extreme) and has tried to support me. The access I have to his voicemail and email is because he gave it to me. He said he had nothing to hide. And so far that seems to be the case. But I can't let go. And although it hasn't harm our relationship yet, I know it will and I don't want it to. It doesn't help that I am having a baby..I am sure.

Wow, lots of emotions coursing through you right now. I know that you feel you've buried things from the past. However, burying your feelings does not get rid of what's happened to you, however painful it was. Working through the problems and learning how to let go will rid you of the past pain. It will be a long hard road, but one so worth it. Don't let your fear of what happened to you in the past rob you of a happy future. Go to the counseling. A good counselor will do wonders for you. I've been in counseling since April. I've got a very long way to go, but not as far as I did when I first started. I'll say a prayer for you that you have the strength to confront this instead of stuffing it inside.

I can relate to your concerns regarding therapy & childhood "memories". If you find a "good" conselor & let them know you are "anxious" about your past he/she will be able to help you through it.<P>There must be rain before the rainbow.<P>Me. Had a hard time dealing w/ the past when my present was such a mess. I didn't care for my first few therapist...too freudian. I like you didn't want to deal w/ the past...I certainly wasn't dealing with the present.<P>I do hope your suspicions are just that and you are able to comminicate your concerns with someone who can help. Have you discussed your"obsession" with your H ??? <P>I never suspected mine....4 A's over 13 years...<P>Also, I see nothing wrong w/ having access to your H's email, cell phone bills etc. He probably has access to all of your so-called personal stuff. Marriage is about trust !!! If he had nothing to hide he won't hide it.<P>Good Luck...Post often, it helps.

Thank you all for your replies. Just writing some of these thoughts and fears yesterday helped. And know that there are people out there that understand allowed me to go home without showing my normal anxieties and enjoy and evening with H for a change. I am going to seek counseling. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I need it. Thank you really..and I will continue to post and interact with you all. I wish you all the best.