Okay for the past few weeks my WH and I have gotten in some of disagreement every Thursday. We have been getting alonggreat this week no LB's no arguments since last Thurs. Tonight I called him because he had a big meeting at work today and I know he was really anxious about it and I wanted to call and see how things went. First he didn't answer his phone and then he called back and ask if I had called and I ask where he was and he said in my car I said are youjust getting off and he said no I'm on my way to a dinner at this restaurant. one of the supervisors is leaving and I guess there having a dinner for her anyway I said oh great i was going to go to the gym tonight and needed to know if he could pick the kids up from practice. he started yelling at me that I went out last night and he has plans too. Well, hello maybe he should have let me know that he was doing this I had no idea. I said fine you go have a good time with your co-workers and OW (she worksthere to) and he said something back and I hung up on him then calling him back telling him that he could have at least had the courtesy to call me and let me know he was going. Is this asking for to much? he said get a babysitter in a nasty tone I preceded to tell him to F off and hung up. I know it was wrong but I just opened my mouth and it came out why did I even bother to call him. My friend works at the restaurant that he's at and she called to tell me that my h was there told me she'd call me later and let me know what happened. I have never seen the OW (I mean married tramp) oops did I really type that! do I have any reason to be mad or feel hurt and angry? Now I know exactly what he'll say. See, you haven't changed you need to get over this OW thing. I am so tiredof this S***! He obviously knew that there was a dinner it wasn't as thouhe just found out about it and we talk everyday so why didn't he just say listen Thurs. night I have plans? It would have been that simple. I hate this! I hate feeling like he has control of our destiny.Why can't I just,move on and say too late you waited to long I loved you,cared about you, you made a fool of me and our family and I won't be played anymore. He use to callthe kids everyday now he doesn't even do that. Is the fog that thick that you even put your children on the back burner? I'm so mad right now. Am I wrong in thinking that if they don't tell us something and we find out on our own that it's a lie? I have finally realized that WS's are really good liars and they continue to come up with them. I guess they think we are really stupid. I know this is long I just really needed to vent!<BR>cybil

Dear Cybil,<P>Thursdays are bad for you? Sorry.... You can vent here anytime. I do know the feeling. Because they know so much more than we do, they feel it is ok to react their way and then expect the rest to understand. <P>So.....not to be bad or anything. You find a way to share this special feeling you have. No LB, just let him be the loving parent you are. With ample warning time, let him have the children. Give him reality responsibilities. He is able to do that and play (go out with the workers for dinner), ok. He will be giving you your time. <P>Then when you are together, you can share how hard it all is with only one handling the children or other responsibilities. Hm..... no lesson here just sharing.... You know I think we enable our spouses too much. Especially the H's. I know here are a lot of guys out there who enable their wives. Boy, I sure wish someone would spoil me.... LOL!!!!<P>L. <BR>

Hi Cybil:<P>One of those days, huh...what is it about Thursdays anyway? <P>My particular hard day is Friday...because I'm with my WH on the week days and don't see him on Saturday or Sunday (usually). I can feel the tension building up all day...the sadness and sense of loss...so I'm lucky if something doesn't set me off.<P>But I have come to realize that the problem is mine...my reactions...he basically does not change from day to day...and at times I am overreacting to the situation. Take for example my Husband yesterday called me back to his office to look at his newly trimmed beard...he had just gotten there and was trying reconnect with me...but....I know who did the beard trim and that really just set me off...how dare he remind me that OW is cutting his beard now!!!!! I didn't LB but it ruined my whole day...over nothing really. <P>Are you really doing this to yourself? Sure to us they seem insensitve and uncaring....but they are really not doing this intentionally...they are just being themselves (and in my WH's case really was trying to do something nice...it just backfired on him). If we were in a normal situation...not dealing with an A...then these things would roll off our backs...or just cause slight irritation or could be resolved by a little give and take.<P>I'm trying to use the same principles in dealing my WH as I would if he were the perfect husband...taking time before I speak, reasoning with my head instead of my heart, really looking at the situation from WH's point of view (if he has one), telling myself being right is not always necessary and apologizing if I slip up and LB...as soon as I can manage. It's a change for me...and I hope it's working.<P>Faye<p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited August 30, 2001).]

Thanks Orchid and Buffy for your replies. Maybe I did overeact. Why couldn't he have just said I have plans I'm sure it was not a spur of the moment thing. Orchid you are right I need to give him more responsibility with the kids he has none right now and that is so unfair to me. I care for them, take care of any and all needs they have, carpool,practices,doctors appts., dentists,etc. and he gets to come over and just take them places or give them hugs and kisses and off he goes. Sorry am I missing something here? Buffy you must be one really strong woman or either you have mastered Plan A because there would be no way I could work with my H I would have strangled him by now! Can you tell I'm just a little edgy tonight? <BR>cybil