When i was 15 i was dating a 21 year old<BR> of course my parents had a fit but i loved him and disobeyed my parents to be with him. the first 2 years were normal his mentality was lower than mine and we had all those TEENAGE problems thet we go through <BR>when i was 17 i became pregnant and we moved in together thats when the abuse started <P>at first it was just verbal abuse and raising his hand to make me cringe in fear and then it was a smack here and there<P>when i was 4 1/2 months pregnant.. i cannot remember how this fight started but what was said was the baby was not his and he wanted me to get an abortion.<BR>i was so blinded by him that anything he said was like gods word.<P>that night he raped me analy in order for me to keep the baby.this was his way of getting what he wanted. it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life <P>things just got worse from there <BR>about a year later i had tried to leave him and he hung me from the ceiling of our apartment with a meathook <BR>i was naked and he prodded me with things broomsticks and beerbottles and knicked me all over my body with a knife cigarette burns cut off my hair etc... iwas suspenmded there for 3 days before he let me down and i promised to stay.<BR>4 years later i finally got away from him through going to prison and being released before him.<P>the reason that i am bringing this up is because my H has started to yell at me constantly, he knit picks everything i do. <P>this is how the abuse started in my past relationship and im worried that history will repeat itself not necissarily to the abuse extent but i married my H because i thought he would love me and cherish me forever and now i doubt that he will.<P>is this a temporary thing with the anger? <P><p>[This message has been edited by LuvOnTheRox (edited September 01, 2001).]

Dear LOrox,<P>Oh, that is horrible...... I am lost what to say. You have certainly been through an absolutely horrible experience. <P>What to do about your current situation? Let your H's anger subside. AS you can see, H's anger may not be because of you. Maybe keep away fro a while until his anger subsides. I am shaking at the thought of your story. I also have to go out for a while. <P>Don't stop posting here. ok? Keep a lower profile with your H until you can both face each other. <P><BR><<<hugs to you>>>><P>take care,<BR>L. <BR>

thanks for the fast reply orchid.<P>let me just say to everyone who reads this post that this is not an attempt to get pity or sympathy ... it is pointly to show how far <B>I </B> have come as a person how much stronger i am today than when i was 18<P>I love my husband very much but i cannot keep my self respect and let him walk all over me.. and treat me like dirt<P>i feel that if i let him treat me like dirt now cause hes waffling or depressed or whatever he is blaming for his outbusts that he will only use my 'pliancy' to his advantage. and gaim momentum<BR>

Rox, I too am at a loss, such things are barely comprehensible to most of us, and if you have fully recovered emotionally my hats off too you, and if not, plz keep seeking the right professional help. Re your husband, would have to say odds are slim he would abuse you to that extreme, simply cause it was so extreme. But no verbal abuse should be acceptable or tolerable, and the pattern is is that it starts out small, and as it is accepted, it grows. So set a zero tolerance boundary now, find anger management help locally, and make attending (if necessary) non-negotiable, or leave.

ok let me just say that what H is doing is not verbal abuse<BR>he is angry and edgy and knit pickin evertyhing i do or say but he is not insulting to me in any way. except by hurting my feelings by me wondering what did i do now. but not degrading me as a person<BR>

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