I have been worried! Are you okay! Can I help!

Hi Cherise,<P>How nice of you to ask about me. Me? Well, still not doing physically well. This stuff has taken it's toll on me physically. In fact, I was just thinking about starting a post about it this morning but I am stuck here at work. <P>Oh yea, we get to deal with their mess and still keep our lives going.......what a deal!!! <P>Let's see where are we at? For the 'moment', H is at home. However, I just found out this morning (by way of asking that dreaded question - please tell me of any communication since last time I was notified - hmmm... last week Monday). The response I received: "I don't know."<P>Well, the other responses like then in the past meant, he spoke with her and slept with her. So where do you think my mind is at now? Well then he changed it to a 'couple of times'. Couple of times what?!?!?!? <P>Well, H says he is stressed about his job conditions (which he is not actively looking for another job anyway - making excuses for the ones available for him), his financial situaion and this withdrawal stuff. Me too. Think we live in 2 different worlds in the same house? <P>Last night we were invited out to dinner and a movie with my cousin and her family. 1st invite as a family anywhere since d/d - 10 months!!! We went. On the way there, H decided that he needed to share his stress about his finances and lay the blame on me. Made me feel like c..p. H said we needed to live like paupers and pay off our debts. We have no right to even to go to dinner and a movie. Ok, I said let's go home, I can find something to fix for dinner. We don't need to spend family time or enjoy anyone's company. I lost my appetite and did not want to go to dinner..... We were in the parking lot by then and son was crying. I just had no energy to fight this. H decided to have an attitude and son kept crying. As much as it tore up my heart, I could not move. It was as if my body was frozen. H finally came to helped me out of the car. Apologized for yelling at me and we went to dinner. Of course I didn't eat much and that was noticed. Then we went to the movie, then home. This morning H said that he did not want to go to the movie but really wanted to 'talk' to me tonight. <P>WOW! Really?!?!?! Let's see, when was he going to give me that revelation? It was not when I called him and asked if he would like us to join my cousin & her family for dinner & a movie, it was not after we got home....when was I suppose to know about this? Hm.....when I asked him the next morning?....... Was it true that he was going to actually talk to me about any of this? Well, this is his 2nd 'supposed' attempt in 2 days. I was not aware of either of them. Funny?!??! doncha think?<P>Well we both had to go to work this morning. I called him on my way to work to say that I am taking the news of his 'supposed' 2 contacts with OW very hard. The reason why I am worried is that I can almost tell when there has been contact. But I have been waiting for that 'honesty' arrangement to happen and have not asked for a few days. Well, I got sick again and could not wait any longer. So for my health sake, I had to ask. Now I am still ill (OW makes me sick was going to be my next thread), but I can focus on fixing future ill attacks. <P>I called H while he was on his way to work to say that 'any tool used as an implementation devise to contact OW in any way shape or form, was no longer allowed in our home since it makes me sick'. Remember I broke the cell phone 2 weeks ago? Well, all that nausea is coming back (h has a new work cell phone with his other company & OW has access to that & his pager)....... Anyway 'no tool, including H can be allowed into the home or near my family (me and son)'. Reason: OW actually makes me sick......<P>H's response? Lots os silence and then he said he would talk to me later....... ahhhh..... during this he said, 'I'll bet your site (mb) says it is easy to get over this stuff'. I said, nope quite the opposite actually but I am disappointed with the lack of honesty that you (h) agreed to. Again more silence. <P>So right now? I am at work, wondering if I go home and repack the boxes I unpacked last week. <P>The crazy part is that I see him making 'attempts' at being a better father...... that is good and I consider it progress. He has been on the couch and we both agreed he can not come back into the bedroom until he is ready to fully commit in his heart. Ok, been 2 weeks. He says he wants to come back soon. Am I patient or just a fool? Ya know, I am beginning to wonder about that myself.....<P>Thanks for asking, sorry for the long response. .... How have you been?<P>Take Care,<BR>L. <BR>

Hi Orchid.<P><<<<<<hugs>>>>>>><P>You should probably go back and read your post from the week before last to figure out what to do. Your H has contacted OW again!! Again!<P>You are going to put yourself in the hospital or the morgue. I care about you Orchid, and I don't want to see that happen.<P>I know what you mean about making progress, it's hard to be tough when that happens. But contact with OW is your boundary, it has been for the longest time. It makes you physically ill for goodness sake!!<P>I know how hard you have tried, I've seen it, I've heard it, but your H is not thinking about you, he is only thinking of himself right now. You need to think about you, and get that bit*h out of your life. <P>I like the idea of not letting any of the "equipment" into your house that H uses to contact OW, but that doesn't really solve the problem. He can just go outside to do it...<P>You are getting nowhere. It is time to jump ship with your life vest, and hope that your H will have the sense to find his own way off the ship before it sinks. At this point, if you tried to help him, he'd take your life jacket and leave you for the sharks!!<P>I know it is tough to kick him out or whatever because he was honest and told you about OW before you found out, but that's still no excuse. It is tough, I know it is, but your child needs a strong, healthy mother. Don't keep taking that away from him by not being able to stand up to your H and say "I'm done".<P>Take care Orchid, let us know how you are doing. Feel free to vent, we will be here.<P>HbH