covenant,<P>You can NOT make your W stop the affair nor MAKE her come home and want to work on your marriage. She either wants to or not. It sounds like you are still in the early post-discovery phase. All the anger may have driven her to wanting the D.<P>What you CAN do - keep doing Plan A - be nice and try to meet her needs. If she has ambivilence about the D vs. OM, planA will show her your commitment to change and meet her needs. If she doesn't see any of that, why should she ever look back? Remember, this is no guarantee, just giving her something to look at when she considers how "fantastic" the OM is. <P>Like the rest of us, you probably have some things you could work on personally, too. If so, do that now and show your W that you are willing to grow for the better. Agai, this won't guarantee her to come home, but it might sway her your way. And, even if she never comes back, these positive changes for yourself can only benefit you and any other future relationships you might have.<P>I understand how you feel - my H is gone, too. Like you, I read the books and gave to him, etc. You are right - you can't make that horse drink the water - so STOP TRYING! One thing I found out the hard way - the more I have been trying to lure my H back and "fix" our problems, the more obstinate and resistant he became.<P>Be nice and empathetic as you can, work on your own problems and as much as you can, give her the loving and supportive space she needs to sort things out for herself. Trust me, if there were magc words tosay to get your S to see the light and understand logic, we would ALL be using them. <P>Try to have patience, my friend...<P>Roll Me Away