Sorry the subject line may not be very clear. It's really a question for those who might know something about spouse abusers.<P>My wife has two women friends that she goes out with 2 nights a week, and all 3 cheat on their husbands. They cover for each other and so forth.<P>My wife says one of these other women friends has been physically abused for many years, by her husband. At least one time she's gone out late at night just to meet this woman to comfort her after an incident. For whatever reason, this lady won't call the police. I think this is probably true, that is, I don't think it's part of my wife's own cover stories.<P>Last night around 11, the husband called our house looking for his wife, and also asked if my wife was "back yet". Well, my wife was sleeping by that time. We ate dinner with our 3 kids, then we went out looking at gas fireplaces, and when we got home everyone was quickly in bed except me. It seems obvious that my wife was unwittingly involved in a cover story that fell through.<P>I've asked her a couple of times about her personal safety, getting mixed up in these situations. She said that abusers won't do anything when somebody else is around. Is that true in most cases?<P>On the other hand, she says this guy takes steroids to look good and she describes him as "crazy". This guy is in his mid-40s and he cheats, too. The steroids seem a little odd, but again, I think it's probably true.<P>I'm a little bit worried. Is that reasonable?<P>- Tom

Tom be worried, be very worried. I come from an abusive home, not my married home but the home I grew up in. And people being around wouldn't stop my dad from beating his W or his kids. My Aunt tried to sop him one time and he yanked a peice of the window from off the wall and threatened to beat her too. <P>Many times people on steroids are very very agressive, and if they get angry anyone in their path could be in harms way. Your W is playing one hell of a dangerous game IMHO.<P>How do you feel about your W hanging out with these women ? Since you know they all cheat on their H's (including your W) and cover for one another ? <P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Thanks, Deb. I was afraid of that. I need to find some Web sites or articles about this and point her there. Often she has good judgement about people but not over these past several months. She is rationalizing a lot of things that she would not have, before.<P>I don't feel good about any of this, but I can't stop it.<P>- Tom

Thanks, Deb. I was afraid of that. We talked about this again last night and she acknowledged the impact of steroids, but still said he likes to do this in private. Her friend is trying to get the husband to move out. Then my wife mentioned a choking incident that had left marks on her friend's neck. Often she has good judgement about people and she has training in counseling, but this is just weird. It's like another fog.<P>I'm afraid that if she is identified in this husband's eyes as supporting her friend's infidelity, she won't be regarded as just a bystander. I told her that I'd rather not have her mixed up in this. And that absolutely, our kids should not be over at their house.<P>This has to be brought up again, but I have a phone appointment with Steve Harley tomorrow morning and I want to bounce some ideas off him first.<P>If anything happened to her, I'd be crushed. I guess that says something. Lately it seems my good feelings have been going away.<P>- Tom<P>PS - I made a short reply yesterday afternoon, and then the site appeared to hang up. I can see yesterday's reply in the topic review as I write this, but it's not showing up in the thread itself. The only other thing I said yesterday is that I don't like any of this, but there's nothing I can do about it directly.

Now it's there. I'm going nuts and keeping my own thread alive.

tmmx,<P>keep going - you've obviously a lot on your mind. We'll listen. Some out here will be able to help. If you need to vent, keep going.<P>- Freddy