My H has always refused the idea of individual counseling for him or for marriage counseling.<BR>Now that I have decided to give up and file for divorce, he suddenly is acting scared and wants to slow this process down. I did not file to try to get this reaction from him. It just became clear to me that he was not willing to change so I had to move on. The limbo was killing me.<P>Anyway, reading some posts here (ANB3) I was thinking about divorce counseling. I had always thought about the purpose of marriage counseling as getting people back together. I never thought about it being a healthly way to come to grips with the end of the marriage.<P>Has anyone suggested divorce counseling to their WS and if so, did it help?<P>I understand that he is the one who left home, who is having the affair and who refuses to work on marriage but it seems like having a counselor help us work through the feelings created by ending our marriage could be a really good thing. <P>Is this better done individually? I'm already in counseling and on meds so I feel like I'm more likely to have the tools in place to help me deal with this in a better way. I'm not belittling my pain or despair by any means, just saying that at least I'm developing a plan for how my life will continue. <P>He is not doing that and it can't be healthly. Should I just drop it and let OW worry about his mental state? <P>I'm confused. I want to help him but don't want to do anything wrong.<P>Thanks for the advice and the opportunity to vent a little on my other threads!!!<P>Lynn<P>

I am so sorry I tell the same old story over and over but I really need some advise from those of you who have spouses that agreed to marriage counseling. <P>Does it work when only one party is willing to try or is it just a waste of time and money?????<P>Thanks!<P>Lynn

Hi peoplepleaser first let me say I cannot offer any advice because I am in the same boat my H also refuses to go to counseling. I cannot change his mindhe sees everything I suggest as an ultinmatum. Secondly please don't feel as though you ask the same things or that your questions are bothersome. We are all here for the same reasons we need support during this difficult time in our lives. Continue the counseling for yourself. Sooner or later your H will come out of the fog. I know you care about him and it's hard to see him not responding. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

just bumping for some more help hopefully.......

Hi Lynn,<P>I just found this site and I am very impressed with it. Here is a chapter from a book she has out, and in it she talks about therapists somewhere...my opinion of therapy is quite low, but then we only had one session:<BR> <A HREF="http://66.111.66.234/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=58" TARGET=_blank>http://66.111.66.234/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=58</A> <P>Do you really think he'd go for the idea though? <P>Love and light,<P>Jacky