D-day was 4/21....Plan A took 4 months and then WS couldn't stop seeing OW so I forced him to leave. 3 weeks after moving out, he is depressed, weepy, feeling like he is seeing things differently. He just stopped by for what reason I am not sure but he came in the house crying and he told me he misses me so much. I tried to get him to tell me where he was at with OW but I don't think he knows. I asked if OW knows that he is depressed and feeling this way and he said "Yeah" OW said that she sees a difference in him. <P>I did not sleep last night cause I was obsessed with WS and his OW activities. My mind was running on overtime with stupid thoughts that I am not even sure have any validity. Then I was crying all day (in the bathroom at work and in the car) and felt like my arm or hand was cut off....a part of me was missing. WE become such a part of each other (even though some aspects of our marriage were poor) and when WS leaves, a part of me leaves or is missing. I do feel complete when we are together and doing something that connects us. I enjoy his company so much but it is the one thing he has deprived me of. He seemed to be always running away from me so when I obsess, I think about all the things he is doing with OW that I would love to do with him....but I do not know if they are doing anything.<P>WS was gonna stop here yesterday but my S and DIL were here and he could not face them but misses them terribly so he never stopped in. That is what triggered this. I get so confused as to what is going on.....I do not know how I will know if he is able to work this out.....I do not know if I will get hurt again and I do not want to do anything prematurely. He is not once suggesting to move back home cause I really think he knows that he has to change and we have to be ready to meet the challenge of working on our marriage. We both like some aspects of living alone cause we never lived alone before but we do miss what good things our relationship had. I am learning so much and how codependent I was. Hope I can leave that behind. I always cared obsessively how WS felt trying to fix his messed up feelings.....well guess what, I do not care how he feels anymore cause his feelings are his not mine. He has to deal with them and they are not mine to deal with just to try to understand. I will try to understand but I do not want to watch my every move cause he might be uncomfortable. Live and Let live is what I want for our lives. Freedom to love and feel the flow of what we are moving along to make a life for us and our family members.<P>Well----I guess Plan B is out the window and maybe we are in Plan A again. <P>Any thoughts on coming out of fog and timetables would be grealy appreciated. How do you know when WS is sincere and when he is over OW??????????<P>TW<P>------------------<BR>Psalm 23

Hi TW,<P>First {{{{hugs}}} to you... Sounds like you are having anxiety type of attacks. The uncontrolled crying and great feelings of despair. <P>How to tell when he is ready to come home? We want it to be soon but the signs vary. He needs to show you that he is over with the OW and interested in meeting your needs. <P>Mine cried a lot, many times. They were real but not lasting. He would get a call from the OW and transform back into a stranger. I watched him get angry over his transformations. <P>The fact that your H is showing signs of missing you and the family is good. Watch those signs. The more he wants to come back the more the A will deteriorate. If the OW wants to hold on she may inadvertantly LB. Let her. He needs to get over her in his own way otherwise it doesn't count. <P>You continue to be the best you can be. Let him see you and weep. Enough so that you become his consuming thought. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Hi tossed wave...<P>I sure understand the 'he completes me' feeling. Sounds like you and your H have been together longer than our 15 years (12 married), but I too felt like part of me had been cut out when he 'left.' And, mind you, he really only slept someplace else...also he was NOT living with OW...<P>However to answer question...an no I haven't had the experience, but from reading it seems that you know when WS is coming out of Fog or is out of fog when their actions match their words and what they do is prompted by themselves and not the BS.<P>Give him time...don't press...can't give you advice about plan B or not...but sounds like a 'modified' plan b where you can show off your 'changes' might be an option...keeping some boundaries up so that you are not put in a negative position...<P>Good luck...<BR>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Hi Orchid---you always respond to my posts. Thanks a million. I am always ecnouraged by what you say.<P>JPCali---thanks to you, too. Modified Plan B----I will have to think about that one. That sounds just right but how to do it will be something I need to think about. Protection but exposure. Interesting.<P>You both have helped me see that the actions need to follow the words. So simple but so profound.<P>I went to work this morning and my co-worker saw my H with OW at Home Depot last night just before he came here and was crying.......no action to those words, Huh???<P>Thanks---hope you guys are doing ok on your rollercoaster?<P>TW<P>------------------<BR>Psalm 23

Hi TW,<P>You sound stronger today. That shopping stuff, pretending to be a couple or some dumb thing. Looks funny not just to you but others too. Think no one will talk? Think again. I say this not to hurt you but H will see why he had to leave. This kind of conduct of his needs to be his responsbility. <P>You will heal better if he is away. If he is crying then this is a good sign. When my H went to Yosemite with OW and they went to the store, he cried. She even noticed it and commented in an e-mail that his sad times were not as much as their good times. Well, that is not what I heard but oh well, I wasn't there. Yep that hurt but I was also glad that he was crying. She didn't like it but hey, I'm not out to give her a happy moment. <P>The more he cries in front of her the more she may LB. Good thing. Maybe we should send the LB fairie over there. She did a number on my H in a post long ago. I think he felt it!!! Ouch!!! LOL!! It did help me heal. Funny the kinds of things that help....<P>L. <BR>