Let me start by saying I am a BS. My wife told me about the affair after it was over so I did not plan A her to get her to recommit to our M, she plan A'd me.<P>I read all of these stories about BSs plan Aing their WS for months or even years while all this time repressing their own anger and hurt so that they do not LB. <P>After the emotional, spirtual and physical drain of plan Aing for this amount of time and not receiving anything in return. Is the return of the WS enough and when does the BS recover from all the crap that they have had to deal with.

Has no one ever felt this way

Champ,
Read some of my Post -- My experience is very similar to what you describe!
Kind of amazing, they put a big bunch of crap down our throat with the betrayal, throw a lot of the blame our way, then refuse to address issues of the marriage, thus eventually getting back to the kind of relationship we had before & then they expect us to forgive & forget and feel secure in relationship ... DAHHHH?! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]
I think there is a strong trend that the WS tend to be somewhat self-centered??<p>Life in the Jungle!!<p>I'm trying to focus on self -- it's difficult, but it is the best alternative. I have read that that is a part of plan A.<p>Thoughts, hope & prayers are with you!
HH<p>[ October 25, 2001: Message edited by: Hurrian Hoosier ]</p>

champ,
Yep. We feel this way. Quite often. Here's a link to some Plan A basics. You may have already read it. <p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=30&t=000176<p>One thing that caught my attention in your post is that you think we "repress" our anger and hurt. I think that we actually learn to deal with our anger and hurt. Repressing is not healthy for ourselves or the marriage. We learn to channel it appropriately, forgive where necessary, and release it in an appropriate manner without LB'ing. <p>You might also read Cali's recent thread today that says "everybody read". THat's an excellent collection of the personal growth and benefits of the MB principles. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Again, I guess I'm trying to say, that the main purpose of Plan A is for personal growth, and to demonstrate changes to the WS. If this is done correctly, the emotional, spirtual and physical drain you are asking about doesn't really occur. YES, Plan A is difficult. It is draining. But overall, it SHOULD be a strengthening process for you. Plan B is executed before all love for the WS is lost, to preserve the love, and preserve your sanity [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] , and self-esteem.<p>And about the WS re-committing. Well, Plan A and B occur and help the BS whether or not the WS returns and commits. If the WS commits, hopefully they will begin making deposits into your love bank, which gives you energy to keep going. Then the love can begin to grow and be restored.<p>Hope this helps a little. It's my 2 cents [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Hang in there, and keep reading and posting. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ October 25, 2001: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Faith1:
<strong>champ,
[ October 25, 2001: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Faith1,
Just noticed your impressive BIO. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You seem remarkablly composed!<p>Hope all is well!
Your input is worth a very good review, thanks from me! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
Thoughts & prayers are with you!
HH