Friday night comes, and husband is pretty adament about going out to the bar (I HATE THAT LIFESTYLE) to sing karaoke. I hate to do that too, but - decide to go along and meet his needs for recreational companionship.
All is going okay. SIL is there and SD. So who walks in? OW. She is prancing around the bar and definitely trying to get my husbands attention, she even finally comes over to our table. <p>So I warn H - Here SHE comes, and I want you to ignore her and look the other way so I don't have to deal with her. He moves my chair a little closer to his, is still acting all happy like nothing is wrong. I am P.O'd!!! BIG TIME. I ask him to let's go. Waitress comes over and he orders himself another beer. UGGH. So finally here comes OW. <p>SIL and SD had walked away from our table leaving just H and I. I looked at him, and he's trying to act like nothing is wrong. OW is standing in front of our table raising her arms, yelling "whoo hoo" and shaking everything she's got. H is trying to pay attention to me, so that I don't throw a fit, but he is also not ignoring OW. <p>So then she asks me if she can use the pen that was on our table. I make NO eye contact, look at husband. He's acting non-chalant again, like she hasn't been standing there in front of him for the previous 10 minutes.<p>I hand her the pen without any eye contact, she says thanks. I don't say that she is welcome, I REFUSE to acknowledge her presence. It is driving her nuts so she starts parading again.<p>Suddenly, all the songs on the slips that my husband has filled out but not turned in is suddenly missing. She is standing in front of the DJ (right in front of us) and going through the basket of the song requests. I Just had this awful feeling that he had filled out "lost in the 50's tonight" (I suspect that is a special song for him for someone outside of our marriage - this may not be just the only OW, ya know) and I am getting madder and madder and madder. <p>He gets up and walks to the restroom so OW walks away from our area. (duh, so obvious is it sickening.)<p>He comes back, and orders ANOTHER beer, and I said "look, I want to go home NOW." He denies ordering a beer. (I want to spit in his face now.) Here comes a waitress with a beer, and now OW is standing in the corner behind the DJ, only 5 feet away from us. THERE IS NO ONE ELSE THAT CAN SEE HER - she is on the side of DJ, in the corner, and my back is to her and my husband can watch her stand there and dance like a pig slut. There is no one else that can see her EXCEPT him.<p>FINALLY the DJ announced it is over, and by that time my husband has another beer. I put my coat on and he has to go to the bathroom, so I decide to go to bathroom. Suddenly, OW is missing.<p>So I wait for him, and he doesn't come out. So then I go outside in front of the door and I look over at my car and OW IS SITTING IN MY CAR with my SIL! Unbelievable. I was even madder now, my knees are shaking.<p>I walk straight over to my car, take out my keys and start the car (it is 20 degrees out and cold.) I make NO eye contact with OW, and she says "Connie can you give me a ride home." I do not answer her. I get out of my car, with the engine running. She says "I live right by your house you know." <p>"I VERY well know that." I said, and still made no eye contact, slammed my car door and walked back to the entrance of the car. H is still not out of the bathroom.<p>FINALLY he gets out and I let him have it. I told him to get her OUT of my car. <p>So after him-hawing about it, he knew I was gonna call the cops on her if he didn't - and he was drunk so I know he didn't want a scene. So he went outside. <p>My SD comes in and says "what is the problem? let's just go." I said NO WAY, she needs to get OUT of my car. <p>SD tells me I am a stupid freak, and that there is no problem. So, a lady in the bar says "is it JODY that you don't want in your car?" Never seen this lady b4 in my life. I said yes. She had an affair with my husband 5 years ago, and I do not want anything to do with her, she is NOT riding in my car.<p>So the lady said she'd be willing to give her a ride home. I told her I didn't have a problem with that, I just want her to stay out of our lives.<p>So husband walks in and says - they are out of the car. (SIL and OW.) We are supposed to be giving SD and SIL a ride home, (it is 20 degrees outside - cold.) So we leave the bar and who is walking down the highway? SD, SIL and OW. H stops. <p>"I can't let them freeze, that is my daughter."<p>"Your daughter is CHOOSING to freeze, and so is your stupid sister, but we can't pick them up but NOT OW". I am stuck in the stupid car while he trails behind them while they are walking down the highway - stupid SIL and stupid SD are BOTH feeling embarassed for OW, and thinking I am evil, and refuse to get in our car. HE refuses to drive home. (7 miles, and there is nothing but fields and a highway between our house and the bar.)<p>I am accused of wanting his daughter dead, being ridiculous, back to the same old story about how it was only an "almost mistake" and not an affair, and you name it. <p>We are back to where we were on D-Day. You all know when he is not being admired by me he is an *******. He was violent last night after we got home, and I did not get to sleep until after 6 am.<p>I haven't said hardly a word to him today, he knows that I am so P.O'd - that I will just holler and scream my lungs out. Is he sorry? NO, I am a rotten person.<p>unbelievable.<p>SIL says "I didn't know that they had an affair."<p>I said "You most certainly did, don't give me that. I talked to you about it on December 9, 2000 - when he ADMITTED it. Don't you EVEN tell me that." <p>"That was so long ago, I forgot." she said defensively. "Jody said that you wouldn't want her to have a ride home in your car, because you didn't like her. I couldn't figure that out. I totally forgot."<p>This is the same SIL that we visited on our honeymoon so I could meet my new relatives. This is the same SIL that brought out a picture of one of my H's OW in his first marriage, within the first 30 minutes of us arriving in MN on our honeymoon. She plays like she is stupid, but she isn't. I never want to speak to her again - but I know I will forgive her, because she IS my husbands sister. <p>"I have NOT forgotten about ANY of it, and you wouldn't either, if it happened to your marriage." SIL works with OW, and also goes to same church as OW. I belonged to that synod and went to church the first Sunday that I moved up here to MN, and OW and I and H took communion together. I think that is what makes me the angriest. (FHL would understand, I am LCMS.) So, I told SIL "SHE KNOWS WHY I DON'T LIKE HER, SHE KNOWS. BESIDES!!! SHE WENT TO THE COMMUNION TABLE WITH ME THE FIRST SUNDAY I MOVED HERE? I DO NOT EVER WANT HER IN MY CAR AND OUT OF MY LIFE."<p>I did give SIL my new leather gloves to wear, beings how she kept choosing to stay and walk down the highway while it was freezing outside. SD, on the other hand was irate and wouldn't even talk to me. THAT IS WHERE HER LOYALTY IS - TO OW. <p>I am sooooooo angry and just exhausted. I feel soooo almost detached and numb about my marriage right now. I just want him and her and everyone to fall of the face of the earth!<p>UGGH
tnt

Oh boy Tnt, <p>You sure could use a hug. The OW you are dealing with is crazy. Flaunting it?!?!?! dumb bunny. <p>The SIL and SD are also dumb. Them you gotta keep dealing with since they are family. <p>Well if they did forget (you gotta wonder how), but if they did, then this should be a good reminder. <p>Now my question is why were they walking in the cold? Where was the lady that offered to give them a ride?<p>L.

I was inside talking to the lady while H was outside telling OW she cannot ride in my car. Apparently they all 3 got mad and started walking down the highway. <p>Yes, I have to deal with his loose and insensitive family (who has NEVER respected our marriage - NEVER!) which has been my challenge since I married this guy. SICK OF IT!

trustntruth,
wow, you really have alot to handle. What struck me the most is that your husband got violant. This is a whole other issue that is far more serious that the OWen. Truly, get out of this marriage. When violants is part of the equaision, the rules change.<p>Please, everyone address this with tnt.<p>violant

That has got to be one of the all time disgusting acts of an OP that I have read.<p>PIG is too nice a word for her.<p>Work on giving her a really appropriate one.<p>((((((((((trustntruth))))))))))<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

TnT, <p>I read your post a few hours ago and I think that I am calm enough now to answer it.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, in fact I think you handled yourself wayyyyy better than I would have. If it had been the XOW in my case I think I would have snatched her bald while singing Loretta Lynn's Fist City (Well they were doing karaoke right ? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] ). <p>So what were you supposed to do tnt ? Just say nothing, give OW a ride, a free night with H and anything else she wanted ? Crew that (with an S in front of it !). [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You are a human being too darn it and if you don't stand up for yourself who will ? <p>Your SIL and your SD both chose to walk, you were willing to have them in the car. Did either of them pay for the car ? Do they buy the gas and pay the insurance every month ? Is the title in their names ? Are they married to your H and entitled to half of everything he owns ? No ? Then they have no say about who you will and will not have in there period the end. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>As for your H I will be nice 'cause I know you love him tnt, and you are my friend and I don't want to hurt you, but he's a big butt head at times ! Every night when he goes to bed he needs to say this prayer "Thank you God that you didn't give me to Deb because she would have fried my butt long ago amen" [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] I think he needs to ask himself how he would have felt had it been you who cheated and your ex OM who had pulled that trash. <p>I'm sorry they acted that way , but again YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, THEY ARE WRONG ! <p>I have to go take a chill pill darn it. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Tnt wow I also think you handled yourself quite well. I can't believe that OW had the guts to get in your car and expect a ride home. What a LOSER !!<p>I'm sorry that your SIL and SD are so friendly with OW that has got to be frustrating. It seems as though your H plays right into the game though. What does he have to say about all of this?<p>Good luck to you. You don't deserve to be disrepected like that. H and H's SIL and SD need to realize this to.
C

OK, first let me say tnt you did not deserve to be treated like this, and based on the evidence you `offered, it is probably time for plan B, although I personally do not understand why you do not go right to plan d (divorce). This individual does not sound like marriage material. <p>But a couple observations. <p>1. You should not have agreed to go to bar, giving in is not a poja, you must enthusiastically choose the bar cause YOU want it too. You just let your H control you. If he continues to do ANYTHING without your enthusiastic agreement (and same for you re stuff you want and he must be enthusiastic), then the marriage will fail.<p>2. YOU chose to be angry. Angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements, and selfish demands are always wrong, your behaviour was terrible as well. Playing the justification game does not make any difference, you just Love Busted all over the place. You could have reacted with dignitiy and control, endured the circumstances of the bar (a place you chose to be), and given ow a ride home. Then discussed the whole incident next day with a sober H. Whether you leave or stay tnt, you have a lot of work to do on you as well. Good luck.

tnt,<p>I think you handled the situation very well..
Yes, there are other things that you
"could have" done..but you didn't..and as they
say hind-sights 20/20..<p>I know many women..like some here who have posted
would have taken her by the head of the hair and yanked her out of the car..and felt justified in
doing so..but, even that isn't the best answer..<p>When she came over to the table to ask for a pen
you should have looked her in the eyes..made eye contact, and let her know you are on to her..
even though you don't like going to the bar..you did choose to go so that you could meet that need
for him..and that was a good thing...are there
any other bars that have karaokie night that you two could go to??<p>As far as SIL and SD, I think you and your h needs
to sit down and have a LONG talk with them..(if he
wants to be married) and tell them..Hey..this is not acceptable..doesn't matter if this is his D..
he is THE DAD!!! And if he loves you..he needs to let her know..SHE WAS OUT OF LINE!!! Doesn't matter how dang old she is..he is still her dad..
(but hey, she doesn't have any respect for him at all, you can tell this by how she acted) and that is HIS FAULT!!! NOT YOURS!! And as far as sil. he needs to sit her butt down and talk to her too..
and let her know..This is my wife..I chose to marry her, and if you can't respect that then I am sorry, you are no longer welcome at our home, until you can respect it...my wife deserves that respect..and he also needs to treat you with respect..<p>and if h was drinking..you should have been the one driving anyway..not him..<p>I honestly don't know how I would have reacted..
I probably would have given them all a ride home..
stewing the entire time..but, thats me..and I would have dropped OW off first..then taken the
other two home..<p>You say that you all go to the same church..
I'd suggest you could take the biblical perspective, go to the church elders and explain the situation..use the scripture as your back up..for doing so..and ask that they go w/ you to confront these people..if they still ignore this ..then take it before the church..if you are in a ladies class, at church..ask them to pray for you..you don't have to say anything about what you are asking for prayer about, just that you need prayer..and if they have discernment they will
know..(they probably already know whats going on anyway)..you really need their prayer/emotional support right now..but, you could try that..and see what happens..<p>remember..what goes around comes around..the sad thing is..your SIL, and SD will probably go through the same thing you are when they marry..
and if by chance you are still married to your h,
they will probably be to ashamed to come to you,
but, you can be there for them..without..saying..
REMEBER WHEN?? and teaching them what God's love,
grace and mercy really are..

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by sad_n_lonely:
<strong>OK, first let me say tnt you did not deserve to be treated like this, and based on the evidence you `offered, it is probably time for plan B, although I personally do not understand why you do not go right to plan d (divorce). This individual does not sound like marriage material. <p>But a couple observations. <p>1. You should not have agreed to go to bar, giving in is not a poja, you must enthusiastically choose the bar cause YOU want it too. You just let your H control you. If he continues to do ANYTHING without your enthusiastic agreement (and same for you re stuff you want and he must be enthusiastic), then the marriage will fail.<p>2. YOU chose to be angry. Angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements, and selfish demands are always wrong, your behaviour was terrible as well. Playing the justification game does not make any difference, you just Love Busted all over the place. You could have reacted with dignitiy and control, endured the circumstances of the bar (a place you chose to be), and given ow a ride home. Then discussed the whole incident next day with a sober H. Whether you leave or stay tnt, you have a lot of work to do on you as well. Good luck.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Sad-n-Lonely, I have seen your posts here on MB and for the most I have chosen to ignore you. Well no more. I'm sorry but you are full of yourself here. How much do you know about tnt's story ? How much do you know about how often she has put up with disrespectful treatment and said nothing until later ? I have followed her story for a long time, that woman has bitten her tongue so often that I'm sure it's had to be sewn back on several times. <p>She had every right to refuse to have OW in her car, no matter what action it took to get her out tnt had the right to take that action. Period the end. You talk about POJA well what if her H doesn't follow MB poja ? Then what ? If tnt's H and the OW had decided to have sex in the car right in front of tnt I suppose you think she would have had no right to say any thing about that either. <p>I'm done with you over this, and shall do my best to avoid your posts. But someone has to let you know that this is MB marriagebuilders, not the door mat of the year board.

Well deb will make ya a deal, call steve harley and if what he says I was way off base, then I will pay the bill, if not you do......are you willing to put your money where your mouth (no disrespect intended) is?<p>As for what I know or don't know about her circumstances, you have been here long enough to know none of really knows anything about each others lives, we can only respond to what is posted.....right? Not some conjecture over what else might be happening. Her behaviour was not helpful, plain and simple, you know that as well as I do. This is not a judgement of her self-worth as a human being, heck I wanted to kick the ow butt myself, but that is not the point is it? We are supposed to help each other with pertinent and appropriate (and hopefully much calmer) advice...right?<p>As for what her rights are or aren't, sameo sameo deb, ya wanna be "right" or ya wanna be married? A selfish demand is a selfish demand, no matter what your justification. So her H selfish demand to take ow home is not right, but her selfish demand he not use the car as he wants is no better.....ya know? Yes, it was a bad situation for tnt, but she also handled it poorly, we can join her in woe is me, or we can be more helpful and suggest alternative views......... what do you think the purpose of the board should be? In any event not using angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements, or selfish demands, does not make one a doormat. However, remaining in a marriage and being continually subjected to LB while meeting any of the abusing spouses needs, might qualify, and I specifically observed might be time for plan b/d. Deb you CANNOT lb back into a marriage, you know that. I am quite confused over why of all my posts you could take me to task for, this would annoy you, but anyways thanks for your observations.

Hi everyone.<p>Up, Down, Up, Down, To the left, to the right. It is a rollercoaster ride, isn't it! That is just what Satan wants.<p>Thank you all for your replies - the good and the bad. Thank you for hearing my "woe is me" - rant. This board has been so helpful to me, and it has always been - for me, "Divine Intervention".<p>I feel the Lord led me to this board. I have made many friends, and grown tremendously through the MB principles. My marriage is a gift from the Lord. My husband is a gift from God to me, and I am a gift from God to him. Satan does not like that.<p>God is so good. Through a dear friend I have made on this board who has prayed with me throughout the years - God has revealed to us that Satan has used OW - through her weaknesses - to confound what God has for my husband and I through our marriage. <p>My husband has always maintained that it was an "almost mistake". The Lord has revealed to me that my husband is telling the truth. I have been behaving as my husband was not being honest. I have been behaving fearfully. That is wrong - God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.<p>The OW took communion with me the first Sunday that I arrived here in MN, in Aug 96. That really bothers me - as many of you know, I am LCMS. We have "close" communion. Many of you will not understand this, but God wants me to go talk to OW - when she is sober. I need to do this so that she fully understands how I feel about the incident, and about her lie at the communion table that day. I believe there are eternal consequences for her unless she repents. I need to put on the "full armor" and make sure I speak the truth to this OW in love, and pray the Lord gives me strength during this.<p>Other things were revealed to us (me and my MB friend) including an understanding about my husband, what he feels like when I do not believe him. His mother always played games with him, and never believes him. It makes him feel like hurt little boy when my behavior parralels his mothers.<p>Oh wow, I could go on and on, but I KNOW that the Lord was speaking to us, and I KNOW that the right thing to do is to go to OW and speak to her in truth and love. I KNOW my husband loves me, and I KNOW that the OW had been rejected by my husband because he loves me, and she needs to be validated through the Lord, not through my husband. <p>He insists on having sex when I am distant (he sees it as his No. 1 need during those times, I am feeling betrayed and sex is the last thing on my list of "needs"). The violence is a result of me fighting him away. This is totally unhealthy, yes.<p>WE have all endured the unacceptable in our marriages, if we have dealt with infidelity. It is a pain that is deeper than any other pain, to be betrayed by the one you love. Whether it is an "almost mistake" or a full blown affair, it is despicable. <p>I have had many "legitimate" reasons why I could go to plan B or plan 'd' - but, I believe this can be overcome with the grace of God. I STILL believe that a divorce would be the work of Satan. This is a spiritual battle, not just an infidelity issue.<p>Many of you will understand where I am coming from, I am sure. I feel sooo blessed right now, the Lord is so good. I do not want to talk to OW, ever! But, I will - because I want the glory of the Lord to show - and I believe this is what the Lord wants me to do.<p>Thank you all for your replies, and to Deb: I know you understand - and yes, you do know my story very well, and you are right: My husband does need to say "thank you Lord that I am married to tnt and not Deb!!!!" ha ha ha. You brought a smile to my face!!! You are so cute.<p>And I have always maintained we aren't fully recovered - and I am still in Plan "A" - because my husband does not believe in POJA. That is why have not moved to the "recovery" forum. Deb, you are right.<p>God bless us all!
TnT

TNT,<p>Hugs...{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{TNT}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. A special prayer coming your way,<p>Desiree

TNT,<p>I think you are taking the High road..
by going and talking to her..yes, I know
this will be difficult..(God said it's a narrow
path) and by going and talking to her first
to let her know she was out of line, yes,it
may cause problems..but, it is biblical..<p>And if she refuses to listen..do the other..
go to the elders of the church..thats what God
says to do..your actually blest (believe it or not
from my view point, you have OP that you can go
talk to..and confront biblically, I didn't..
I couldn't go to his job and confront it..or the beer..those are things..not ppl) and even going to him..I couldn't make him confront his own fears..
that is something he has to do..and even going to the church elders and asking then to talk to him..
didn't do anything..he still has those fears..and won't/ or doesn't know how to trust God..so from where I sit...you are very blest..and my prayers
are with you..in going to talk to OW..

TNT, I'm so sorry.<p>Prayer saved my marriage, saved my husband, saved me. Had my H not had a complete change of heart close to the time he did, I do not think I would be with him any longer, and so, I do admire your resilience as you have kept faith so much longer. I don't know what this has cost you, but I know what it would have cost me, was costing me.<p>You did well with the OW, given the circumstances. I also have spent time in the same vicinity as the OW...and so far have ignored her pretty thoroughly and she has never approached me, but my H is more than anxious to leave if I want to. He knows I'd like to kick her butt if she crosses me. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Your SIL is a dope. You can't do anything about that, you've reminded her of why you feel the way you do, and she remains a dope. SD...sigh.<p>Remember to keep your boundaries--the OW was way in your territory, you had every right not to allow that.<p>Your H's violence is always a concern to me. Satan can triumph through your being abused as well as he can triumph through the OW or any of your H's other weaknesses. Being drunk and violent is no excuse for the violence, it is an indication that he shouldn't be drinking and also needs to manage his anger more appropriately. But you know both those things. JUST BE SAFE! My house is still open to you if you ever need to run.<p>I hope your talk with the OW is exactly what you both need. I'm wondering what your H thinks of the idea. I think he needs a couple MB cyber frying pan whacks just cuz.<p>Deb & Sad N Lonely--I have no idea what's going on here. <p>Deb, I love you for being such a good friend to me when things were the worst and worser with me. But at least this post of Sad's reads like prime MB stuff. Hasn't everybody been complaining that actual MB is falling by the wayside? Sad doesn't know TNT like we do/did, how crazily patient [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] she is, Sad's advice is not at all contrary to MB. Next thing we'll hear about cliques again. Someday I'd like to get into one of those [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Deb--I'm feeling some concern for you as well, sending prayers your way....

You know what SadNLonely, the day Steve Harley says a BW has to play free taxie service for an OW is the day I will advise him to seek help. And I mean that.<p>Lor, Honey you know I don't think there are cliques here. But you also know I am not one to keep quiet, I have done that with this man's post for a long time. But I just couldn't do it this time. Not knowing TnT's story like I do. I promise I will go back to being quiet now. I'm sorry if my attitude hurts those here that I care for deeply but that's me. <p>No need to worry about me Lor, I am fine. In remission and Mike and I are doing ok. I'm in remission and Mike is working at starting a new business. It is a part-time thing at the moment but we have great hopes and I get to keep the books.

I'm late on this thread. And I do understand. I think your first post was understandable, but I think the whole situation was set-up as a no win for you, in part because the people you are interacting with are not playing by the same set of rules and obviously don't hold the same values. I can understand looking at your behavior through their set of social (those "fancy" words we learned in sociology would be handy now, is moras the word I'm looking for?) standards, to them you looked like an unreasonable...well lets just say you looked unreasonable.<p>I'm thinking your H admires your value system, but tends to sink to the level of his family/peer group, especially when he is out socially. <p>Since we are cut from the same LCMS cloth, I completely understand where you are coming from and I respect your idea to talk to OW. Keep in mind you can speak the truth in love, but you can't "make" her hear it.<p>Although it seems reasonable to socialize in your town with your H, it may just not be possible, given the unique circumstances.<p>I have a few more thoughts, but I have to go.<p>Take care, OK?

Hi Hon,<p>Just thought I'd drop by, since your newer update is here.<p>(((((TnT))))) Hugs always come first!!!<p>Man, it's been such a long road for you... as it has for some others posting here... sigh... some good, some bad... as in life.<p>God is definately good, and He DOES work miracles! I know this, yet it is so very difficult to grasp sometimes. I continually pray for you and for your marriage. You have such an amazing story, and I did want to touch on one thing you said:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>And I have always maintained we aren't fully recovered<hr></blockquote><p>You know, I think if we're ALL honest, NONE of us is what you could call "fully recovered" EVER... let me explain...<p>Infidelity is like a disease. It infiltrates all that we are. It can make us stronger, or it can kill us in our prime... or we can just sickly survive.<p>I have asthma, severe asthma. I take lots of meds, and for the most part, keep the "disease" at bay. I have to take good care of myself or I succomb to the symptoms of my asthma, which can lead to a full-fledged asthma attack. It is never gone. <p>So it is with infidelity... we find out the "diagnosis" (infidelity) and we go through a grieving process. Then we begin the "recovery" process: we take good care of our marriage with a good Plan A and no LB's, but the minute we fall back into old habits or stop "taking care"... well the "recovery" becomes short-lived. It is a life-long process, I'm afraid. Just like my asthma.<p>Well anyway, now that I've delivered that chirpy message [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I guess I'll go back to doing what I was doing... cleaning the apartment... ugh... hope I didn't bring anyone down - not my intention at all.

Deb,
I can worry if I want to [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . <p>I'm the one who probably should have kept quiet, at least about what you said to Sad. I'm glad things are going ok for you.<p>FHL--a pleasure to see you post.<p>TNT--how are you doing?

I skimmed the posts the first time, and went back and read more closely after Lor's reply.<p>BE SAFE, TNT<p>No matter what you did or didn't do, you are not responsible for your H's actions.<p>You weren't specific if his violence was directed at you or not, or if you were hurt in any way.<p>By the way, how is your son? Did he witness any of the aftermath?