I cannot believe what happened today, here's the Story: I get home from work and go get the mail My H and I joint checking act. statement came in the mail, I don't use that act. anymore I have my own act. now, anyway I decided to open up the statement to see whats up with it,( I never check it) Well H has been saying that he is having a hard time paying bills without my check well I found out that he is bringing in over 6000.00 dollars a month and he has been making huge cash withdrawals for 2 months, where is the money going??? I am going crazy he also has a lot of debit card purchases that I have no idea what they are for. It does not cost 6,000.00 a month to support house and Kids etc. It also seems that he had a cell phone bill for over 700.00 dollars and he tells me he can't give me money towards food!!!! What is wrong with him?? I am going out of my mind with this. I don't want to confront him because he will just make up some excuse or deny it. I am going to make copies and show my lawyer if it comes to that.<p>I really don't want to presue a D because right now he is paying all the house bills except food money he refuses to give me food money. and I am sure if we are to D he will not have to pay all he is paying and then I have to work another job. I don't know what to do anymore, its sounds to me like he is supporting OW, could he really stoop that low???? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] he has taken out about 1700.00 out of his pay in a matter of 3 weeks, for what??? Oh please pray for me this really hard. Love Sally

Ok Sally, <p>Here is a wild idea. Direct deposit. Ask your H to have his checks directly deposited into the bank account. Since he is working long hours ask him if you can put the money into the family bank account and transfer as he needs it into the one he is using. <p>He might catch on or he might not. Be subtle. He knows he has to help the family out so this will make it easier. For me one of the things that made A easy was that H had his own business checking account. H even had my visa card with my maiden name on it. <p>Well he used to be a bit sarcastic because I was paying all the family bills out of my paycheck and since his business was not doing well and he was 'trying to catch up on his bills' I did not force him to give me money every month. Well, I should have and do so more now. During that time the OW and the man with the broken calculator somehow thought that he had a lot of money (maybe because he had a lot of blank checks?) and that WS could move out and do even better financially. Oh yes, also OW promised to make him rich. Send him to school, get him a good job on the internet, take him on her travels to the orient, etc. Despite all that fogese, 2 + 2 still = 4 and 0 - 0 = 0. Soon the WS turned back to an H and his calculator has been charging up. <p>Maybe your H's calculator in his brain needs new batteries. I know mine did. His BIL and I even sat down with him to go over our finances which I had done up on a spreadsheet. He argued over the figures. He wanted the utilties to be less. Ok maybe for the future months but not the prior months. Then he thought if he handed me a check that his bills would automatically be paid. Hm.... ok, bills = $1500.00 but you only give me $700.00. Who is going to make up the difference? His answer was "I don't know". More fogese.......<p>L.

I have to go off the computer until tomorrow, if anyone answers my post I will reply tomorrow. thanks everyone have a good night. love Sally

Hi Sally- If I were you I would be thinking he might be using the money for a attorney retainer to start D. I know my H used his separate account to do that and it cost him 1500 to get started. He didnt use our main account as I would have been suspicious and he surprised me with the papers- he didnt announce when he filed because he wanted to be sure I couldnt take the kids out of state and put in a restraining order to that effect. Do you know if your county has a website that shows domestic case info when it is filed? I know ours is online and if I had known the web address I could have seen right when he filed. Fortunately my H cancelled the D papers and we are reconciling. If your H is using the money for OW then definitely keep track of it for your attorney. Sorry I cant offer more positive possibilities. I will pray for you. lifeissmessy

thanks Lifeismessy, i was thinking the same thing that he is using money as a retainer for lawyer. I guess I will have to wait and see and keep my eyes open. love Sally

Sally ~<p>Please don't think that what I am going to say is an encouragement to "dump him" or to get divorced.<p>BUT, you need to see an attorney, and you need to get yourself educated on divorce/child support laws in your state.<p>I thought for a very long time that I wouldn't get very much money in a divorce suit, and that I was going to be unable to make it.<p>I don't know your specific state laws, but if he is making 6k a month, then he will probably be expected to pay a hefty chunk of child support.<p>Also, you may have legal recourse on the money he is taking out right now. Sometimes you are allowed to sue for marital assests spent on the affair.<p>You should discuss with an attorney your rights, what to expect, and whether or not you should persue legal separation. Legal separation will give you some legal recourse for monies spent also.

I have to agree Sally, you need to make a copy of that statement and keep it. Even if you aren't seeing an attorney right away, you need to have that kind of hard data when you do (if you do).<p>Husbands can do some strange things with money. Especially if they are in a fog.<p>Best,
M

Bramblerose, Thank you for your reply. I realize what you are saying is true. I did go see a lawyer znd she did give me what my rights are, its just that he is paying all the bills and I guess part of me is sacred to make that next move. <p>wiffle, Hi yes I plan on making a copy of that statement, he tried to explain where the money went, but I don't believe a word he says anymore he has lied to me to many times. love Sally