Okay...I'm trying...trying NOT to have pity on myself and feel sorry for myself...okay...so I am not trying very hard...<p>I have pneumonia...I don't feel very good...this is what I get...<p>H: You should be in bed.<p>H's actions...goes to gym everyday afterschool. Doesn't ask about dinner each night...doesn't plan for dinner...doesn't clean up dinner mess...<p>H: You should be in bed.<p>H's actions...finds somewhere to go almost every night this week...drama rehearsal...store...who knows where...Doesn't think about kids getting ready for bed...baths...homework...<p>H: You should be in bed.<p>H's actions...never comes up to ask if I need anything...doesn't ask if I'm hungry, thirsty...comfortable...uncomfortable...<p>AM I BEING A BABY?<p>Oh...and there can't be any affection...no HUGz...no pecks on the cheek...NOTHING...I FEEL SICK D#####T. I WANT TO BE HUGGED BY MY H.<p>Sorry...just a little blue.<p>C A L I<p>[ November 16, 2001: Message edited by: TryingAgain ]</p>

You're definitely not being a baby. He should appreciate and take care of you! Get a good night's sleep.

C A L I - if you were here, I would be tempted to point my finger ( yes, I know) and say "NO, you are no baby, Baby!" <p> To me, one of the deep joys in life is to help or comfort those whom I love who need it. What has value in life? Our actions define who we are.<p> I would constantly do "loving" things for my wife and kids. Bed, baths,cooking,massages,etc. My WS told me this week that they were just "actions, tasks. You weren't looking at the connection..." OK, but, to me, I thought it would help the "connection"....<p> Rambling,sorry. You deserve to be loved, hugged,validated and supported.<p> Treat yourself well. You deserve it!<p>((((((((((( C a l i)))))))<p> Dan

No, you are NOT being a baby!!! He should be there taking care of you. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I had a simple virus Friday, but by Friday night all that was left was the fever. My H actually offered to stay home with me, but I knew I could handle it on my own. And it was a playoff football game. I knew my son didn't want to miss it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Still, it was nice that he asked!! Yours should be ashamed!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

TA,<p>Not to be a spoiler here, but did you ask him to do any of these things for you? Could he have been waiting for your requests of how he might have helped?<p>I prolly would've stayed in bed and let there be NO dinner, then when he asked, say, "YOU TOLD ME to stay in bed. Can you fix dinner for the boys and youself, please?"<p> [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
Lupo

I'm sorry your sick - everything seems far more dismal when you are achey and tired and just plain yucky.<p>But, I have to tell you....<p>Expectations are premeditated resentments.<p>Reality: Your H is someone who does the things you are describing.<p>Fantasy (expectation): Your H is someone who lovingly takes over the household while you retire to bed with the secure knowledge that he loves you so much that you don't have to worry about a thing.<p>Acceptance of the reality makes it much easier not to be resentful.<p>And lupolady made a very good point: Have you told him and asked him for what you need? Or are you sulking because he doesn't just automatically know and understand and do what you want?

Thanks RJB2, FamilyMan and Bellea for the support...I was just whining...<p>AND--BrambleRose and Lupo---<p>YEP YEP YEP...<p>Kick me in the butt...amounts to things left unsaid...<p>...because I'm afraid to ask anything of him.

Hey M,<p>I feel bad about this, I think I may have encouraged you to have expectations regarding having Eff'dup help and take care of you. <p>I don't know how Eff'dup was before the A in terms of caring for you when you were sick, but some males aren't that sensitve to illness of their spouses. [I hope I don't get flamed for saying that]<p>Anyhoo, I'm sorry he's not caring of you right now, and "NO" you're not being a Baby about it. You're pretty sick Hon, try not to think about what he's doing or not doing and concentrate on YOU and getting well, let your mom take care of you ... Mom's are good at that, thank GOD!<p>Please take good care, read, sleep, drink liquids and sleep some more. We need you healthy!<p>Love,
Jo

Ahem, well then, one more kick in the seat of the pants....<p>Radical honesty applies to the BS too!<p>What is one of the biggest gripes that we BS have? That our spouses weren't honest with what they needed, giving us a chance to meet those needs.<p>Well sweetie, how can he meet a need that you haven't told him about?

I'm with BrambleRose on this one.... TALK TO YOUR H!!!! Tell him what you need from him right now.<p>I'm feeling rotten too. I had my tubal ligation surgery on Wednesday. I planned it out with H weeks ahead of time, to prepare him to have to do EVERYTHING around the house (just in case I couldn't do squat).<p>You know what? He IS doing everything! I feel bad, and I'm trying to help out too... then I get yelled at b/c I need to rest. Fair trade off. I deserved it.<p>My suggestion to you, is when your H next says, "you should be in bed"... tell him that you need to get this, this, and that done first (laundry, lunches, whatever). Then ask him to help you with it all. <p>Karen

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Thanks all...again...<p>Resilient...you Irish or Jewish??? What's with the guilt??? I would have had 'expectations' of Efft regardless...<p>Bramble and Topie...you are right...again, it is just fear...he is not here 'cause he wants to be' and I am afraid to open my mouth for fear something I will say will push him out the door...boy that looks horrible in print!!! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I am feeling better today.

No you are not being a baby, you and the kids derserve to be taken care of, especially when you are sick. I think he is being very selfish and uncaring, I would not put up with that at all. Please take care of yourself and get better.<p> Love Sally

Missed the mark, M. Brought up strict Catholic. We do everything based on guilt ... just kidding, but at the same time half way serious.<p>Jo