Hi all,<p>Anyhow, as some of you might know, I'm Plan A'ing as hard as I can. I see various levels of effectiveness - some days I think it's going great, other days it sucks. A while ago, I wrote a Plan B letter - mainly just to get out some stuff - made me feel better. I got some feedback, and figured I'd redo the entire thing from the ground up, hoping to get the same sense of satisfaction I did when I wrote the first one. I think I've achieved that. I've gone with "simple to the point" I hope.... Please look it over and provide feedback - I figured this forum is best because of the traffic. Thanks all - I don't know how I'd do it without a place like this!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hey, listening to some Tom Petty, and guess what comes on - great timing....<p>"I hope you never need no-one
Hope you treasure your independence
I hope you never fall in love with -
Some-body like you<p>And I wish you well
I wish you everything - and more
Forgive my ignorence
I was starting to ramble on and on -
Starting to ramble on and on<p>I hope you never give a damn
Hope you never get your heart broken
I hope you never fall in love with -
Some-body like you"<p>(Okay, not that I'm that bitter - yet!!!)<p>----------------------------------
Dear (W),<p>Well, another letter. I admit that I’m having troubles with this one. Very hard!<p>I want to make this clear up front. I love you. All of you. Every part of you. Even in the face of all of this. If you doubt that just look at the last 3 months – my love is around you – look into my eyes and you’ll see it so clearly. What a strong love to still stand!<p>But… my love is in a great deal of pain. I must protect it. Therefore, I must leave our home, (W). I don’t do this out of malice, revenge, or anything remotely like that. I do it to protect my love for you – and for myself.<p>(W), I would love to work on our marriage – make it complete, make it gleam in the sunlight. But to do so, I need two things: 1. You must fully and permanently end your relationship with (OM), 2. You must commit to a process of rebuilding our marriage based on sound principles.<p>Also, (W), we can’t have any contact going forward. It will hurt me deeply to do so. I want to make it clear again – I don’t do it to punish, but protect. We must live as the future will be (without other choices).<p>(W), I know I’ve hurt you so much. I know I have no reason to expect a single thing from you. I also know that so very much is possible – and I hope that you do too. What do I see? A house, a garden, children, a dog, a wife and husband standing tall – simple things. All framed by principles of truth, love and courage. I wish this for you and I – regardless. I have all along in my heart of hearts.<p>We undoubtedly face logistical issues we must discuss. I expect to actually move in a few days – hotel first, apartment later. We will also need to tell our folks – we can discuss what might be appropriate for that.<p>Maybe it’s false hope on my part to believe we can overcome this. I suppose reality will follow time – not sure how long that will be – but I’m a survivor – and will fulfill my goals, my growth, my change, my vision – yes, my destiny. I pray you will too my love.<p>Love,
Your (H)

Hi JR,<p>Pardon me for not knowing your story but are there children involved? You are moving out instead of your W? <p>I think your plan B is well written. I am not sure why you are moving out instead of her. I liked the way your phrased your feelings. It is a moving letter. <p>I wish you well. Be prepared for some anger but you will survive. <p>Take Care,
L.

Good letter. <p>The part where you tell her what you need is not clear. It sounds almost like you are saying that you need that right now or you are done with the relationship. Make it very clear that, though you cannot promise that you will be available for the rest of you life, for the forseeable future, you are leaving the door open for her. If she has a change of heart she needs only call you to discuss it.<p>Z

Say what you need to say & don’t try to make it all “poetic” and “mystical.”<p>I want to make this clear up front. I love you. All of you. Every part of you. Even in the face of all of this. If you doubt that just look at the last 3 months – my love is around you – look into my eyes and you’ll see it so clearly. What a strong love to still stand!<p>Just tell her you love her. She may be looking into your eyes & see something totally different than what you think you are giving out.<p>But… my love is in a great deal of pain. I must protect it. Therefore, I must leave our home, (W). I don’t do this out of malice, revenge, or anything remotely like that. I do it to protect my love for you – and for myself.

Change it to something like;
Your affair is causing me great pain & I cannot bear to be around you while it continues. Therefore, I must leave our home, (W). I don’t do this out of malice, revenge, or anything remotely like that. I do it to protect my love for you.
Leave out the “for myself.” She could easily misread it as you want out.<p>(W), I would love to work on our marriage – make it complete, make it gleam in the sunlight.
I would love for our marriage to be everything it is absolutely possible to be. But we cannot get there while your affair continues. I am ready to do what I need to, to get our relationship going where it needs to but to do so, I need two things: 1. You must fully and permanently end your relationship with (OM), 2. You must commit to a process of rebuilding our marriage based on sound principles.<p>Also, (W), we can’t have any contact going forward.
???
I cannot have any contact with you until you are able to do what I ask in the above paragraph. Please respect my wish in this matter<p>It will hurt me deeply to do so. I want to make it clear again – I don’t do it to punish, but protect. We must live as the future will be (without other choices).
???
I do not ask this to punish you but to keep the love I have for you from fading.<p>(W), I know I’ve hurt you so much. I know I have no reason to expect a single thing from you. I also know that so very much is possible – and I hope that you do too. What do I see? A house, a garden, children, a dog, a wife and husband standing tall – simple things. All framed by principles of truth, love and courage. I wish this for you and I – regardless. I have all along in my heart of hearts.
I am sorry and I apologize for the problems I have made in our relationship. I am not perfect but I learning how to make our relationship better and to see when I am doing things which hurt you and your feelings.<p>We undoubtedly face logistical issues we must discuss. I expect to actually move in a few days – hotel first, apartment later. We will also need to tell our folks – we can discuss what might be appropriate for that.
O.K.<p>Maybe it’s false hope on my part to believe we can overcome this.
DO NOT BE NEGATIVE! DON’T FEED THE BEAST!<p>I truly believe it is possible to repair our relationship & make it better than ever.<p>I suppose reality will follow time – not sure how long that will be – but I’m a survivor – and will fulfill my goals, my growth, my change, my vision – yes, my destiny. I pray you will too my love.
Again, I am not doing this to hurt or punish you. I do love you and I do want for us to be together in marriage. When you decide you can do as I asked above then please let me know<p>Love,
Your (H)
Just great! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Again, don’t try to make it too mushy and such. It’s okay to put it in but make sure you say EXACTLY what you need to get the point across. This way she cannot misinterpret what you have written. Too much & the message will get lost.