Called H of OW to see if he would like to know some of the antics of his wives behavior... such as her visiting my H this week, and pulling up her skirt and offering him sex.<p>He appartantly tried and cant get it hard.... sorry to be so graphic,... that is what he continually says, which I think is a major lie.<p>I was hoping H or Ow would care and could help in monitoring his over sexed wife, but NO he hung up and said you should not be calling here.<p>I am very unhappy about the situation- what do you suggest... I wasn't sure if I should make the call, but I even called again... trying to reach him and he hung up, I guess he likes being in the dark about his wives actions.<p>thanks, lisa

ALso wanted to add that he sd that was in the past... it is not in the past as she has had contact with my spouse this week. thanks, lisa<p>I guess stupid H of ow believes her lies, he has gone out and bought her a new "engagement" ring since she never had one.<p>thanks, lisa

honey, you did your civic duty (even if you hoped would help you too), he knows, you can't make him deal with it responsibly. Wouldn't call him anymore, or feel bad about it. If your H is incorrigible (don't know all your details), and refuses to stop affair (not to mention physical contact), all you can do is plan b him, and prepare to move on. IMO the key to continued contact issues (for those in them) is distance (moving, quitting) if at all possible, and extraordinary precautions. This isn't brain surgury, a ws who won't do these things (the goal being to focus long enough on the marriage to give the bs the respect of making a fair effort to discover the real desire of both parties, without interference), is a ws who needs to be on their own, while you make it clear you are ready to move on, and their time to come back is limited.

Hey Honey.. I had thought about calling OM's wife..<p>I posted the issue here first. I wanted to make the call for me, for my issues. I didn't think she'd be able to control her man..<p>The answer I got , in effect, was how will this help your efforts? I couldn't think of a single way..<p>OW H may be caught in his own Hell..may not be functioning well anyway..<p>I agree w snl's advice ( scary, I've been doing that more lately..)<p>
Dan

thanks for the posts, I am glad I made the call, but wishing he would of at least talked, I guess he is in denial... claiming it was in the past- well my H claims they talked about not talking... at first that was the story, later I got the skirt rising information... it is all quite sickening.<p>My H insists that problems in M are my fault and he does not trust me, thus, that is why we cannot work it out.<p>I have a feeling eventually he will return home, but I may not be willing to wait that long... My feelings are not just nonexisitent to being treated badly.<p>Thanks for the feedback.<p>lisa

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by honey:
<strong>My H insists that problems in M are my fault and he does not trust me, thus, that is why we cannot work it out.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
That's from the WS fogese dictionary. Although it hurts to hear your H tell you that, please remember that (more likely than not) you are BOTH at fault for the condition of your M prior to his A.<p>As far as calling OW's H... what a tick off, huh? I went through a similar situation with OW#1's H. We had all been friends (going to each others' houses for dinner, etc), which made it all the more painful when he refused to hear the details of what I had to tell him about our spouses. <p>It's really their loss if they choose to stay blind. Ignorance is bliss, dontcha know?
[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>In my situation, OW#1 had convinced her H that the proof I had (detailed emails describing their encounters and first kiss, etc) was all done as a JOKE on me to teach me not to snoop in H's emails! Worse yet, her H chose to believe her!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>As much as I still want to smack some sense into her H, I have been working hard at letting it go. Not an easy task, let me tell you. And considering the fact that I"m in recovery now makes it all the more pitiful that I cannot let go entirely. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I try to focus on the fact that at least I tried. I did MY part in exposing them. That's all I could do. The same goes for you in your situation. You've tried. Stop focusing on the OW and her H and focus on your family and your plan A or B (sorry, I"m not familiar with your story). As usual, it's easier said than done. We all experience that here at MB (sigh!).<p>Karen

tHANKS AGAIN GUYS, i AM TRYING HARD TO MOVE ON AND FOCUS PLAN A AS LONG AS i CAN, THEN PLAN B. My WS has all the classic signs, and is convinced our marriage has been a miserable 10 yrs... He will admit he was happy before marriage.. but finds it hard to remember happy times in marriage, and will admit to feeling quilty but that is it. He says he is not going to continue in life unhappy. The OW has gone back to her H but is still flirting with my H... my H lives by her, her H travels a lot, from what my H told me. and they were both laid off about a month ago... she gets lonely poor thing and comes over to see him... and talk about why they should not talk but tries to get him... according to him ... to sleep with her... AGGH! I am sick of this crap... is this what I get for being a MOM, it is like my H is too self centered to be with a woman who is the mother of his children... like I am the mother... and someone more slutty can be his se_! I am sick. But he says the sex is better with me... I cannot figure him out... <p>I am definitely with the abducted by aliens theroy.<p>Anyway, the OW's H is kind of stupid not to be able to listen to what his W is doing. He bought her a new engagement ring... poor baby... poor OW, she just gets love all over the place, her H, my H... she is very self centered too.<p>Also , found out she has a very bad past, very very bad.<p>Thanks again guys, Lisa