Hi Honey,<p>Like RedHat suggested, don't bring it up. Is your H still there? Is there still a chance he'll be using your computer?<p>If so, there is a free computer keystroke capturing program you can install. Unfortunetly, I don't know the name or location of it.<p>I'm hoping someone here will point you to it.<p>Dawn ... please don't bring up that he used the computer, it'll cause all your GREAT Plan A efforts to go down the toidy. I know how hard this is, to suck it all up. But when/if the A ends, your H will remember your LBs, not your Plan A niceities.<p>You can do this. I know it hurts, it's such a betrayal. How dare he come to visit on Christmas, with you being so wonderful and giving, and he slaps you in the face with contacting OW on your computer in your home ... so flagrantly disrespectful. I'm so sorry.<p>Please let me know you're okay.

I used a demo from www.iambigbrother.com. It has some limitations but I got a wealth of information from it. You can also buy the program for a good price. Hope this helps

Thanks Jo and loveherstill,<p>No He left about 15 minutes ago, everyone would be so very proud of me. I didn't say or do any of the mean things that I thought of, I stayed nice and now feel like a doormat.<p>We did spend some nice times together as a family and lite a family candle every day, will put the candle away now.<p>No attempt by him to talk about D or anything important. Talked about son, having some issues with depression and probably lost his job for not showing up and not calling in.<p>Kids did ask dad to stay and repeatedly he said he has lots to do at home. That just pisses me off so, he spent a 2 out of the last 8 weeks with her and can't even spend a week with his kids.<p>WH treated me like a sister, I just didn't know how to handle it. So let it go, stayed neutral. Couldn't even really look me in the eye. Never thanked me for any of the gifts or letting him stay or inviting him along christmas eve or christmas day I had no intentions of doing that. Till I was advised by people here.<p>He did give me a hug and said thank you when he left. I cried and my 10 yo went and got me tissues, stood outside together and said goodbye and I love you, as he pulled out.<p>It just kills me knowing that he will probably have her there in Utah with him this week, I guess I want to know, knowing that I can't do anything about it would still be better then wondering, I know no one there that could help me find out, H is usually pretty honest though. However I am not going to dwell on this as I have so many better things to do today and the rest of vacation.<p>Tomorrow is my parent's 40th anniversary and we have a big party planned in the evening, so have to get that all together yet. Have my best friend and family coming tomorrow for a visit on there way back home. (Truly think that this is why WH chose to leave today, doesn't want to have to face anyone) I'm not going there, I am not going there, I am not going there!!!! <p>I may need some help from my friends here to get me through the rest of vacation, I thank redhat and those that were with me last night, you really did help more then I can say!!<p>The days will get better, I know!! May have to consider Plan B am not sure yet, I still miss him so much and so appreciate talking with him, I know though that the next time he will probably blast me with talk of D as he can't look me in the eye and do that. Any advice will be appreciated, as I know when looking in from the outside things look differently then up close.<p>Did put a card in his bag will probably be a day or two before he sees it. Something about those that look to the Lord find peace it was Psalms 145, put a note inside that he needed to seek the Lord and that I did hope that he finds peace one day. Am sure that he won't respond. I did send him an e mail while he was here thanking him for being here that I appreciate the time he spends with the kids.<p>
Dawn<p>[ December 27, 2001: Message edited by: daybreak ]</p>

Hi Dawn,<p>How long have you been in Plan A? I can't remember. I ask because you want to make sure you have shown your H the changes you've made are lasting before going to Plan B.<p>You did so good. I'm proud of you. That must have been so hard to act okay after your discovery of him contacting OW on your computer, he's a sneaky one. <p>I think you should call the Harley's and counsel with Steve or Jenn. I recommend that before someone decides to migrate to Plan B. I feel they are such experts and will know if your timing is right. <p>You're gonna be okay, Dawn. You must have been so stressed the last couple days, why don't you do some really nice things for yourself as a reward for making the Holidays comfortable for everyone, particularly for your WH.<p>We'll be here throughout your vacation. I'm on VAC also. Bought a new washer and dryer .. wooo hooo! Talkin about FUN ... ughhh.<p>Try not to think about your H and what he's doing, you can't control him, only you. He has to go thru this on his own timeframe, all you can do is make sure he knows you're a safe haven to turn to when things start to crumble with the A.<p>Love to you, Dawn.<p>Jo<p>[ December 27, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Thanks Jo,<p>Can you believe that I even made him banana bread for on the road, I make myself sick!!!<p>Am going to run to the store with D and make some exchanges.<p>Will check in later on!!!<p>Dawn

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by daybreak:
<strong>Thanks Jo,<p>Can you believe that I even made him banana bread for on the road, I make myself sick!!!
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>So he's a "Bread Man" as opposed to a "Cake Man", eh?<p>Don't worry about that, Dawn. I did the same damn thing. I turned into Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart and Mother Teresa rolled into one. <p>My H was lapping it up. After a while he said he was learning to love me again. The only EN he would not allow me to meet was SF. OW had the monopoly on that.<p>Jo

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong><p>If so, there is a free computer keystroke capturing program you can install. Unfortunetly, I don't know the name or location of it.<p>I'm hoping someone here will point you to it.<p>.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi Jo,<p>I am aware of several spy programs that have trial versions, but the ones I know of [WinGuardian and iopus] have little banners that pop up when the computer is restarted to remind the user to buy the software. The banner does not go away UNTIL you buy the software. Not a very good thing when you are trying to be incognito! <p>I thought I knew of most the programs, but I don't know of any that are free. I paid about $40 for iopus and I really like it.

Another keystroke (as well as picture capturer) program is "In The Know" I don't recall what the website is, but I'm sure Yahoo would bring it up. I think the registration price was like $35 or something. There were no banners for the trial version, only a limitation on the number of keystrokes and no picture capture.<p>Don't know much else about it, I uninstalled it a month ago or so.<p>K