O.K....... We have the CIA, FBI, etc....why don't we start the MBI(Marriage Builder's Intelligence)Infiltrate WS's, ...it could work....I'm sure we are all over the world... we could get close to the WS's, get them talking, then direct them to MB's website, for "Reality check", yes we may have casualities, but I think our success rate could be high, we would have to all work together, find out details so we could get to these people. I mean if they can have agencies that bust A's, we sure could have on that rebuild them... So? Am I working on something here? Just was thinking about all the BS's/WS's that could benefit from this site, but we have to do a little more intelligence work for the WS's since they are not coming here in the great masses like the BS's.... I bet if this was started I bet we could "change the world"..... So, what's everyone thinking.....I know..."Neesha has wayyyyy to much time today to think"..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Neesha, great idea! now if we could just figure out how to get my WS here! He knows of the site, and knows I come here often. He ask me not to!
But I do copy some post and send to him to give him an idea of how it's going on MB. I think most do not feel safe to come here if they're the WS.
But hey, it's about taking the bad with the good I think. They could learn a lot by seeing both sides.
The only thing I can suggest is to occasionally copy and send them some of the post. Maybe the positive sides of those successful restorations in the works.
For me, I wanted him to see the BS side to know that I'm not unique in feelings as well.
Ok, let me know if you find a way to really get them to read and post here!
LouLou

Neesha,

Great idea and already in the works. Many of the referenced posters here are referrals from friends and relatives of MB posters. MB does advertise and that is how I found them (search on askJeeves.com)

Now my H gave a sarcastic comment this morning about going to those A making sites and telling those about to be WS' to go to MB. What a hoot!!!

What I have been doing is when a WS begins posting here (especially if their BS is also posting), to speak to both of them. Give examples and ask their opinion on the sitches of others. Often it is easier to see the inadequacies in others than in ourselves. The same goes for all of us but that reality check is very hard to see while deeply in the fog.

My experience is that many WS' are quite opinionated about how others react so played correctly, the mirror can be then turned in their direction and their own words can be used to help them see themselves as the rest of the world sees the A.

The babble back techinque works well in these sitches. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Keep thinkin' you are doing good!

L.

Ah..... the crux to this.... I can't send the link to WS, he knows about the site because he did take the questionares...(remember, 1 week before I caught them)... and before that I had sent him articles that I linked to this site, but when I checked his email (after d-day, and before he moved out and changed his passwords) he had deleted them..well he was wayyyyy into the great wide fogworld by then. So, I thought, wouldn't it be great if we could physcially do something since we seem to be going strong here:
Example: Let's say BS lived in "somewhere", USA, or whatever...and it just so happens that I lived there too..well....she/he gives me info how I might run into WS..and I just happen to do that, and it then becomes a secret covert operation, heck ...we could call it "Operation Foglift", and then start working on the WS..Also this could work for all the WS's that have decided what they did was wrong and want to get BS too...See my thinking?

Would that not be one heck of an operation, how many people pay others to find out "bad stuff" about there mates, now we could be a network of MBers that change it for the good and better outcome. Yes, I know this sounds euphoric and almost utopian, but that's the kinda girl I am. I always think, where there if a will, there is a way. Can you not hear the mission impossible theme playing in your head right now!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Wonderful idea... Yes, its hard to get WS to visit this web site. Even harder when WS has no interest in the internet. But I have found a clever way of WS to read what I feel are important post and replys to a post. I copy the post and replys and print them out. If there is more than one, that is somewhat similar to what we are going thru, I will staple them into small groups and just leave them in a pile next to his favorite chair. Everyones a little curious, and at some point he will pick them up and read them. Its a little sneaky on my part, but its what works at the moment for us for me. I know its working because of the progress we have made. I dont know what I would do with out this site. I most likely would have done something very stupid to my self in the middle of all this pain and hurt.I tell everyone about this site.

A word of caution...

I have sent my W links to a couple of articles here at MB and also to a couple of posts. I don't know if she has read them or not.

What I do know is that she's skimmed over a few books I have given her and her constant reaction is that none of it applies to her. She says she is not a textbook case.

I really think WS's are unwilling to read all this material because it would mean that what they are doing is wrong.

Just my two cents worth.

Where Neesha is on to something though, is that often times I have felt the need to tell a poster here at MB, "go talk to my W, go give her a few slaps so she can come back to reality." And still, after many months I am still hoping I can find someone who can talk some sense into her.

I agree UC, when they are fogged it is "none of that stuff applies syndrome" because God knows they are all so unique in the statements they have made to us....NOT. Also eye, yes I would have done that as I did before D-day, which was Oct.28/02. He was asked to move out Nov.30th because of emotional and mental abuse he was projecting onto everyone in the house in a very malicious way because he was way out in left field without any remorse, care or consideration to anyone but himself and the MOW.

I will not email posts or anything to him as it is not my place to do so since he has not hit "bottom" yet it will be on "blind eyes" as it were.

UC, if we lived near each other, I would take on the impossible mission for you and get to the WS, who knows......it could work... "dunt, dunt, duhduh dunt duh...(you can hum it to yourself)

Being on both ends, that is I was the WS and now being the BS. I know what both sides are like. Which in a way helped me to help my WS to get over OW (well almost) and also make him see things differently. I was able to quickly move the process forward. But not there 100 % Also being the WS, the tricks I used to explain my whereabouts and my Emotional distant from him and all the games played while I was in my many PA's, I was able to see them very clearly in him. Does that make sense? I think if you are looking for help on the net there is not much out there and what is it cost $$$$ to get the help. I remembering waiting for the next page to this site to ask me for money and it never has. And its more help than I ever thought possible.