please tell me what books to get.

i'm BS, separated and waiting for D.

i hurt, am angry, have a void that is unbearable and want somehow to get WW back who is having an A in my face. MLC is probably the reason.

thanks in advance.

Jack

Jack:
I've read Surviving an Affair by Harley. However, I must say, most of it can be found on this website. However, I must say, having a book is better than printing off all of that info. IMHO.

I've also tried unsuccessfully to buy Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. Have heard lots of good reviews on this one but couldn't find it where I live and am trying to avoid using my credit card to order it - we just paid it off!

Good luck in your endeavor.
DB

My FWH and I have read SAA, Torn Asunder, Infidelity and Emotional Intelligence. They were all great reads...some of same common stuff which is encouraging and each has some interesting unique perspectives/suggestions. All are about A's except EI...this is great book to figuring out Emotions and their importance on actions. Our IC recommended this book because she said most divorces and A's are caused when one or both partners have low Emotional Intelligence. This is a great book for parents as well, talks about how to improve your children's EI. Basic premise is one that we all know, lots of people with high IQ's have no common sense (EI) or impaired EI. Talks about EI being as important to happy successfull like as IQ.

I had to order Torn Asunder from Amazon after trying all local book stores...I ended up paying for overnight delivery I wanted it so badly.

Jack:

here's an alternative. Not about As, but about relationships in general. For me, it was better than all the A books combined. Greg Baer's "The Truth About Relationships". Now, many here would tell you that "unconditional love" is not possible for us mere mortals, that only "God" (whoever she is) can love unconditionally <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). But it ain't so.

Another good one is David Schnarch's (sp?) "Passionate Marriage." It's a bit complicated, but also "non-A" oriented. Good stuff from both books.

I'm a year out from D-day, and to this day my WW would NOT be receptive to any of the A-related books. She's very stubborn. But she did listen to my copies of Greg Baer's CDs. And they made her think a LOT.

I don't know what will work for you or your W, if anything. I just know that after a point, I wasn't learning anything I didn't already know from the A books. I am learning a lot from the general relationship books, though.

Just my opinion. I could be wrong,
-Qfwfq

Harley's SAA is a good book, but it is not for the faint of heart. It was like reading a biography. Nonetheless, it is a good book with a great set of principles to outlast and get beyond an A.

Harley's His Needs Her Needs(HNHN) is a must regardles of what happens.

I am currently reading Private Lies by Frank Pittman. This is a very good book. It gets into the nitty gritty of what makes us tick.

Michele Weiner-Davis's Divorce Busting or Dave Carder's Torn Asunder are next on my list.

My WW is also having an A in my face. It's an addiction whose fix will wear off. Hang in there.

My favorites:

Affair based
Surviving the affair by Harley
Divorce Busting by Weiner-Davis
After the Affair by Spring
How to get your lover back by Harris
Torn Asunder by Carder

MLC
Your Husband's Midlife Crisis by Conway
Women in Midlife Crisis by Conway
Men in Midlife Crisis by Conway

Relationship
The Five Love Languages by Chapman
Love Life for every married couple by Wheat
Relationship Rescue by McGraw
His Needs Her Needs by Harley
Power of a Praying Wife by Omartian
Ten Second Kiss by Kriedman (Kreidman?)
Light her fire by Kriedman
Light His fire by Kriedman
(Any book--forgiveness, shame) by Lewis Smedes

Separation
Hope for the separated by Chapman
Crazy times
Love Must be Tough by Dobson

This list is just off the top of my head, without leaving the computer!

I have Schnarch's Passionate Marriage on my to-be-read pile, but my counselor advised me to give relationship books a rest <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .