</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by still seeking's post to H4future:
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There is another factor that influenced me. About 10 years ago our family went on a camping trip with another family that we had just moved in next to. The H had a older father that had recently lost his wife to cancer, and that father came also. As we sat around the fire, one by one everyone drifted off to go to bed, and it was just my W, and I, and the father left. He asked me if I would take some advice, and I said yes, go ahead.
He said something like this, "You are in what you think is a hard time of your life. You struggle in business, you have small children ( 8) and you never have enough time or money. You may not believe this, but you are in the best time of your life. Many of your best memories will come from the next ten to 15 years. My advice to you is that you don't loose sight of why you wanted to marry and have a family. They are your joy, and you should give them your best time. Don't ever think that something else is more important. Plan trips with them often ( like this one) and never let them down. Take care of your wife, and love her, she may not always be here. Don't let your life get away from you. I don't know if you will understand what I am trying to tell you, most don't. I will tell you again, put the most important things first, and you will never regret it. "
Then he went off to bed, and we sat there and held hands by the fire.
I want you to understand, I wasn't considering divorce when I came here. I just knew things should be better, and I wanted to make them so. HNHN, and Love Busters helped me to do that. He was right, you can't wait. You do the most important things now, and you sometimes have to park the tractor or put down the business books and go out even when you can't. I expressed concern about something to do with our business this last summer and my W said " I would rather give the key to the bank, and walk away, than go back to how we were before."
So, you get to try and balance your life, and get all the stuff in that you have to do. I can tell you that you can't possibly get it all in. You have to choose what is the most rewarding, and the most important and put that in your planner first. I am in retail, and I hate to let a customer down. I have learned that it is more important to let my customers down than let my W down. That's not to say I don't have bad days, but I am getting it right more and more often. I know that you believe in God. If you are willing to put first things first, is God able to give you more energy, more intelligence, more drive, and more of whatever you need so that you can still succeed? I believe he can, and will. He may not give us everything we want, but he will take care of our needs, and even some of our wants, if we put first things first.
[b] 20 years from now, or possibly even 15........... I suppose I have already talked about that enough???
I say NOW. I speak from experience. Please don't wait even one month. The reason is that growing apart. It happens so slowly that one day we just wake up and realize it. Please don't let it happen to you. Someone has to be the driving force. In my M it is me. My W helps often, and sometimes even takes the lead for a short time, but I believe it will be me over the long haul. So be it, that's better than what we had.
I hope your business plan works. But even more, I hope your marriage plan keeps working.
I have known couples that retired and couldn't stand to spend time with each other. If you follow DR Harleys recommendations, that won' happen. My W and I can't wait until our next trip together. ( 26th anniversary this march, 5 days. ) We love our children, but we can't wait until our next date. ( Friday night, her turn.) I have tried it lots of ways, doing it now, as first priority is best.
Where you are in life does determine what you can do, and how often you can do some things.
We go out for dinner now for about half our dates. 10 years ago, we couldn't afford it. We walked down the road holding hands and talking. We drove out to the edge of some cliffs and watched the sunset. We went to the library and sat next to each other and read magazine articles and talked to each other about them. We only had them every two or three weeks, not weekly. If I knew then what I knew now, I would have done it weekly. We could have traded friends for baby sitting, and gone out more. ( you watch mine tonight, and I'll watch yours tomorrow night.)
What will happen if you wait until April when the class is done is that business will have become even more important, and you will find it is even more difficult to get back on track.
Well, I don't know if that is what you wanted from this. It's not what I started out to write. There are many more factors that determine when and If a person will begin to work on the Marriage, we only just touched on a few of them.
Hope, one of your problems is that you can't be average at anything. You have to be best at whatever you do. It's not so much that you think business is more important than your family, it's just that you can't do a mediocre job at any thing and happy about it. If you plan ahead for your Marriage and your Family, and get it on the schedule, you will be able to work all this other stuff out. You already know the real deal, but you need to be reminded, like all of us.
Please don't hate me, I'm just trying to help.
If you don't have time, skip the answers here, but don't skip the date this week.
SS</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dear SS,
I read your posts to H4Future and others. I want to let you know how much I admire your posts. You take the time and show great interests in others not just by giving advice but showing how to apply your words of wisdom. You also show that you really listened and remembered how others are doing. This is commendable.
I appreciate your sincerity and care. You are a wonderful person and I wish you and your W a great recovery.
Your recount of the wise words on your camping trip reminds me of my grandmother.....how they had a way of teaching us life's lessons in sich a simple yet important way, all the while with love. How it is embedded in our minds to be shared at the right time. I loved your story.
Your other posts have been encouraging to me also. ..... so there is hope for men!??! ?LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Just kidding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
So I just wanted to tell you to keep up the good work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
take care,
L.
