I can't take the lies my husband tells the OW that he is living with. We still go out together alot and then he almost gets caught and he wants me to lie to her that he was here or there, but not with me. I feel like the girlfriend and not the wife. I feel as though I am going nuts and my nerves are shot. This OW only cares about her self and not anyone else, especially our kids. She tries to get me to hate my husband and my husband to hate me. She even lied to me and told me she was going to meet my husbands parents or take them out to eat. When do you say enough is enough? Do I stick it out and hope thier A ends or do I file for divorce, which if I do then he will think I wanted it all the while and I don't want to give the OW the satisfaction of her winning. She thinks it is a game. She has gone out with several married men, why can't she get someone that doesn't belong to somebody else, why other women's husbands?

From what I have read, it is my opinion you should be in Plan B...have you read up on Plan B yet?

Kathi

Yes I have read up on Plan B and I am in the process of writing a letter. It is so hard especially when I want my marriage to work and our family to stay together that whenever he calls me I give into him. I try so hard not to call or to say no and I can't. How do I do something that is so hard?

Hi Goldielocks - Your post hit home with me. I also thought I was losing my mind a few months ago because of WH's lies. You try to do what they say they want you to do, and then they push you away again. That's why you have to break the cycle. What you're doing, and what I was doing, isn't working, so I had to try something different. I'm new to this board, and I certainly don't know as much as the senior gurus here, but from what I've read, you are being what they call a doormat for your H, just like I was. You are making it easier for him to disrepect you, to keep doing what he's doing with no consequences, and most importantly, you are being terribly hurt in the process. For your own sanity and health, you must let him know you will not tolerate his disrespect, and here that's called Plan B.
Plan B does not mean that you have given up on your marriage, just the opposite, it means that you are presenting your H with a clear way to get back to you and make the marriage work. You do run the risk of him choosing not to work on the marriage, but that choice is his right now, too, so you're not doing anything different there. Like me, you may be allowing H to be with OW more often by living apart from you, but he has found ways to be with her anyway, so that's not really different either. What you are doing with Plan B is to cause H to realize what he is giving up when you are no longer in his daily life, and hopefully he will choose to come back because he reallizes he wants you and his family. In the meantime, you will find an immediate sense of peace with H gone, no more disrespectful behavior in your face 24/7. Sure, it's very hard, and very lonely sometimes, but it gets better, you will get stronger. You deserve better, Goldielocks!!
My thoughts are with you! I will look for your future posts.
Lablady

Me BS 47
WH 48
M 24 yrs
2 kids, S 24, D 22
OW 44 widow/co-worker
WH had 2 A previous to this one, DDay 1990
This DDay 8/02, at first EA only
PA 9/02
WH goes back and forth btwn me and OW 8/02-10/02
10/09/02 Tell H to leave, H moves in w/mother
11/02 H on disability from work, at first to say away from OW, then ???
Still in contact with OW
12/10/02 H promises NC, wants to come home for the holidays
12/17/02 still in contact w/OW
12/31/02 H moves in w/OW
1/29/03 I receive letter from H, says he is getting his own apartment. We'll see....