Don't talk to her. She doesn't respect you in the first place. If you have questions, read Surviving an Affair. You'll see why everything has happened the way it did. You'll see that their A is like an addiction -- why else would your H risk so much? Addicts can only recover when they are separated from the source...
Implement a Plan B, send your Plan B letter, and leave them to their affair. If you can wait long enough, it should end on its own, usually within six months -- according the W. Harley.
You cannot do anything to win your H back while he is with OW, period. Send a Plan B letter and wait, if you have any desire not to divorce. Get some Anti-D's, as you are on a roller coaster, and make improvements to yourself while H is with OW. Learn an instrument, take a new hobby, work out, get in shape.
That way, when the A actually implodes, and it is likely to -- when you do meet, you'll have an understanding of how the A started, making you more understanding in general.
Meeting the more interesting, understanding, in shape and perhaps newly musical you, will make the recovery easier. He'll still have some emotional attachment to the OW, but your understanding of his most important EN's, as well implementing the positive lifestyle changes SAA provides could make your marriage thrive, not just survive.
Read SAA. It's very good, will help you understand the addictive nature of affairs, help you plan a "treatment" strategy, and also give you hope.
Good luck and God Bless!
