I am having a really hard time right now. I know its not as bad as some but i am not sure how to go on. My H has (or is having) a ea turned pa with a stripper/loser/ really. He says it is not physical anymore and that they are just friends. It is making me crazy. What did you mean when you said you couldn't plan b. I have gotten it together enough to know what i am going to say the next time he is a fool (like bail her out of jail, stop and see her at a public place, you know) I have decided to follow his lead and agree with him the 180 approach, your right, we can't do this, your right we need to seperate ect. I'm not sure i can do it but i really want to. I have myself all psyced up to do it. I don't want to fail. I want to be in a healthy relationship. And my relationship is anything but healthy. ???? Thanks for your help

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want to be in a healthy relationship.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What are you doing to make this happen?

Keep in mind that the only 1/2 of the relationship that you control is YOU. So... what have you done for YOU lately?

Plan B became more of a reality for ME as I: read, went to individual counseling, strengthened my relationship w/ God. as I got heathier and stronger my relationship HAD to change. I was able to put good boundaries into place w/out them being angry outbursts, critical judgements or selfish demands.

At this point in time I was reading Susan Page "How One of You Can Keep the Two of You Together" and Michele Weiner-Davis "Divorce Remedy." In both the focus is on fixing YOU, not your spouse.

Cali

Cali, thanks for your quick response. I haven't done anything for me latley. All i do is work, take care of children and him. I have scheduled counseling 3 times and something has always come up. This first time it was weather. The second time counselor was sick. The third time i went alone and the counselor is a marriage counselor and wants to see us both together. UGH. so that wasn't much help. Counselor basically said if we both don't see that we need help he can't help us. ect... Consequently, we aren't going back. I have started going to church again. That makes me feel better. I have tried to fix all the things he said were wrong, but his attachment to other woman whether it is an ea or a pa still persists. I don't know what to do next. I'm not even sure this marriage is worth saving at this point. I feel so disrespected and i am.

Okay... then it is time to focus on you.

Find an Individual counselor... GO FOR YOU... I believe that a turning point in our saga occurred when I started seeing one... didn't tell H... he found the appointment card... It was a 'wake-up' call for him and he saw that I was serious about being healthy... with or without him!

That became my focus, I wasn't going to just survive... I was going to THRIVE! I wanted my children to have a strong, healthy mother.

You and your children deserve that too... for you to be strong and healthy.

Cali