Thanks for the responses.

Phone counseling is available by calling the MB office and setting up an appointment (888-639-1639). Steve and Jennifer Harley (Dr. Harley's children) do the counseling. Although the price has gone up since I was doing it, I still consider it the best investment you can make in your marriage. They are both excellent counselors and motivators.

Kuljey,

I measured the cost of counseling with SH, with the cost of divorce. And of course, the cost of coaching with SH was less.

There was no way to measure the emotional cost of muddling through the pain of infidelity by myself vs coaching with SH. I have been in IC and MC in the past, and like others have said there aren't many good therapists out there. SH has given me validation and peace. He customizes the MB philosophy so that it works for individual situations. It isn't like he's just reading from the Harley books.

I decided that I couldn't take the chance of getting less than the best help possible. My H found the book HNHN in the doctor's office & liked it so much he bought a copy for both of us. It was reading it that convinced him to tell me about his A.

So in a sense I was in a better position than most you read about here. He read and liked MB before I knew we needed it. So convincing him to counsel with SH wasn't hard. Other than both of us being skeptical about phone counseling.

Which until you've tried it, doesn't seem like it could work. But SH is so skilled in this field, he more than makes up for not "being in the same room".

In only 1 case can I say that being in the same room would have kept H from misunderstanding SH. But my H admits that he has problems with male authority figures; and H is very sensitive when it comes to the A. SH did an excellent job of keeping H comfortable in counseling. Hope this helps! CSue

wh is gone. . can i get the counsel alone. or is it not worth it.

Kuljey,

Depending on your reason for calling SH, I can't help but think he can help you. What are your expectations? CSue

As far as counseling alone, you can do that for awhile. We did, until my husband was ready to get rid of the OW. Then we did couple counseling. The Harleys are excellent, have good toughts, and theories. What they teach works very well if both are open to doing the work. But it ended up with my husband not wanting to move off first base. So therefore we are divorcing.

The sessions are really good. We had Jennifer for awhile, until she gave up on my husband. Then we had Steve, until Steve said there was no use in counseling anymore. Then I did counseling for maybe 3or5 more times. Then that was it.

In order for it to work. The wayward spouse needs to show remorse and guilt. Wants to make a committment to the marriage 100%. My husband didn't want to do any of this. So what I had to do was sign the divorce papers, after an altercation with my husband. It is for the better, yes, I miss my husband. Yes, I miss all the history we had, and the future of growing old together. But this is for the best. He can go to his other woman, and their marriage will not last. I know that for a fact. He met a woman that this was her 2nd sexual affair in her long term marriage. She is a liar, and doesn't mind using manipulation on me the betrayed spouse. Which the Harleys said was such an unthoughtful thing for her to do.

The Harleys, will help you, give you materials to do, give you assignments to do. It all depends on how much work you and your spouse want to do. But you could have a beautiful marriage, if both of you are willing.

Kuljey:

My WS only agreed to talk to Steve H. for one session. Steve gained loads of info. about my WS from that one session. Since then, I've had about 6 weekly counseling sessions with Steve. He has coached me, I have gotten out pencil and paper, and I have done everything he has told me to do in MY PLAN. He will help you do what you need to do. My counseling with him has been a GODSEND. It looks like my WS and I will reconcile because of the good job that I did on my PLAN A. Believe me if you look back over my first posts here you would never have believed this could have happened. I encourage you to seek counseling with Steve even if your WS refuses to do so. He is willing to work on helping just YOU and that is helpful for your marriage.

<small>[ February 20, 2003, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>