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i am wondering if any of you out there who have/had a WH (mine is living w/ow <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ) who talks/talked nice to you while you guys were separated on the phone, but said he "wanted the OW." i am WISHING there is hope! but dont want to be blind! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I mean, is this NOTHING, ususal. What happened to you? Also, reading about FOG, my spouse is making attempts to take the kids to do things here and there... EX:mcd's, movie, Baskin Robins. Thanks!!! <small>[ February 25, 2003, 01:59 PM: Message edited by: kuljey ]</small>
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I have the same prob. My W sounds so nice on the phone and in her e-mails. Its like she hasnt served papers at all. I think that it's their concience bothering them somewhat and they are trying to be nice around us so that they wont hurt us any further. This is just my opinion. Would like to hear more of your thoughts.
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kuljey ,
Did you ever read all the stuff on Plan A and figure it out
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i sware chris i am not DENSE but right now i cannot fathom or understand plan A!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> i only heard from WH once this AM to make sure he is getting our 5 yr old for a movie.. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ANYONE ELSE HAVE THESE SORTS OF WH'S!
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I hope I didn't imply you were dense.
I have responded to you in other posts concerning your lack of understanding but you jump to new posts.
Take some time & read the info. Ask a specific question about something you don't understand.
Read this.
Plan A is for the betrayed spouse to negotiate with the wayward spouse to totally separate from the lover without angry outbursts, disrespect, and demands. These three Love Busters not only ruin any effort to reach a negotiated settlement, but they also make the betrayed spouse much less attractive to the wayward spouse. Instead of encouraging total separation from the lover, the anger, disrespect and demands of the betrayed spouse make the lover appear to be the only one who truly cares about the wayward spouse. They literally throw the wayward spouse into the arms of the lover
Does this make sense? Not necessarily HOW to do it but what you try to do in Plan A?
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ok, chris...no u didnt imply anything.
i have tried a sort of plan a w/some LB thrown in I THIINK. he has told me he wants her and that is that...he does not love me..
SO HOW CAN I DO A PLAN A. right now my plan is to listen when he calls, take the niceness AS HOPE and to not fight about ow or anything.
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i have tried a sort of plan a w/some LB thrown in I THIINK.
Plan A involves not doing any lovebusters. Love busters are gonna happen from time to time. If you do them, apologize for it and DO NOT LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN!
SO HOW CAN I DO A PLAN A. right now my plan is to listen when he calls, take the niceness AS HOPE and to not fight about ow or anything.
That is good. If something comes up & you feel the need to scream & yell, then wait until you get off the phone. Don't do it at him.
Look at it this way. NEVER show him any anger and are always nice to him. The ow will have to do it sometimes as he is with her all the time. Who is he going to look to when it comes time to discuss something tough? The person who is gonna be sympathetic or the person who will call him an [censored]?
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Chris, have i done a plan a???????????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> lately though there has been no fighting, and no crying on my end! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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Anyone???? what do ya think..
*what i meant about crying, is crying on the phone to him.
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i am really needing to understand why my WH is calling and being so nice. its giving me this hope!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> today he called to see if his 10 yr old had a soccer game sat. then talked talked talked. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> last nite when he picked up our 5 yr old for movie, he looked bad.. sad or sick. i dont get it. he looks bad! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Hoping for a return! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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It seems as if you are beginning to do Plan A. In a nutshell, Plan A is fulfilling the wayward spouses needs and not worrying about yours. Do not do Lovebusters. Click here to read about LoveBusters. If you do, then apologize and do not let it happen again. Do not cry on the phone to him. Be happy & upbeat. If you feel like crying (it's okay if you do) then wait until you get off the phone or until he leaves. i am really needing to understand why my WH is calling and being so nice. its giving me this hope!!!
last nite when he picked up our 5 yr old for movie, he looked bad.. sad or sick. i dont get it.
he looks bad!Sounds as if he is thinking about what he is doing and very conflicted. This is normal for the wayward spouse. Don't bring up relationship stuff. If he brings it up, try & keep it very light. Let him decide what to talk about. Don't get heavy into it. Look at it this way. If you are always crying and blasting into him, do you think it makes him want to be with you? Go slow. Stop & think before you blurt out something or do something. Is it gonna hurt him?
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K,
not to be the nay sayer but if you were about to go through a really potentially damaging and expensive legal proceeding with someone and you thought that by being really really nice to them it would make a difference, wouldnt you be nice too?
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thats what i thought chaz. he is being nice to get something from me huh.... anyone else think that way! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
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he is being nice to get something from me huh....
anyone else think that way!
Possible yes. Dont know if that is what he is doing though.
Your best bet either way is to NOT badger him and keep it light when you do talk with him.
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If he is being nice with an ulterior motive, then react wisely and cautiously.
IMHO, I would accept his kind gestures but not make major plans on them. Plan as if he is going to treat you with some hidden animosity.
"Be cautious as serpents, yet innocent as doves." This was a wise saying that can be applied in many aspects of our lives.
You will soon see if he is sincere or not.
When you do, you will be prepared to react accordingly.
take care,
L.
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