Not sure if I belong here. I posted months ago. H posted here about a month ago. A little history:
H had affair with a 20 year old co worker. He is 36. She was 18 when it started. I found out by hearing her on his voicemail about a year after the A started. He swore it was only phone calls and it was only for a month or so. He swore it would stop. A few weeks later (I don't really call this a dday) I heard another voicemail between the 2 of them. He swore she just kept calling him and that he was telling her that it was over. 8 months after that, that gut feeling came back and I started watching again. I found a text message from her on his cell phone; then I found out that he had been talking to her regularly on his work cell phone and that he had an $800 bill to pay because since I found out; she was not going to pay it for him that month. Nice, huh? I found out at this time that it was physical, they had went out of town together. Which really confused me because everytime he went out of town for work, he talked to me by phone all the time. ??? So at this time I was devastated. I was on the fence about divorce. We have 2 boys that are teenagers. Life was good for them and the thought of putting them through a divorce hurt me to the core. I bucked it up AGAIN and told him that he MUST call her with me on the phone and tell her that it is over and she is never to contact him again. He did it.
The following months after this (this was Aug 02) were very difficult for me. He did ALL the right stuff. Was very attentive, sexual, forthright and honest (I thought) but I could not push away the uneasy feeling that I got at times. There was no unaccounted for time or money, work cell phone was turned off, personal cell phone was itemized and coming to me. We started going out together yadda yadda yadda...
I found her email address one day and decided that I had to confront her once and for all. I emailed her a very respectful and honest email asking for her side of the story. She immediately called H and told him, he called me and it was a huge mess which just added to my uncertainty because I felt he took her side in it. I received no response from her until a week later.
She emailed me that she had nothing to say to me. I should only blame myself for what was happening. Typical <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ! Then I sat him down and discussed my insecurities and told him that if I was going to move forward, I needed for him to tell me the truth about the entire affair. I wanted it to be that if there was something that was going to come up later, I could say that I already knew and dealt with it. Mind you, I meant prior to Aug. Dday. A few days later he stated that he was ready to tell me the truth. I had told him that anything that he had not told me prior to this would be ok, we would deal with it. Remember, my thinking was PRIOR to Aug 02 dday. He proceeded to tell me about the A beginning to end.
Most I knew, some was new. However, the only thing that blew me away was that here we were in Jan 03 and he continues to tell about incidents that lead right up to the previos week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . THat night I asked him to leave, that i wanted a D. He went through all of the stages of trying to get me to change my mind...Crying, anger, suicide threats, you name it. I did not budge.
Now...my dilemma. He moved out 2/1/03. I wanted it to be friendly. We talked like friends for the first few weeks of him being gone. I have just told him recently that we cannot communicate this way because I was being sucked back into the drama. He continued to be remorseful, attentive and swearing daily that he is not with the woman (girl??) That looking at her would remind him of what he lost because he messed up so bad. Well, truth be told, she spent the night in his bed 2 days after he moved out...still is talking to him, still going to his house and all this while he still denies it and thinks I believe him.
I am not sure if I am even supposed to be on this board anymore because there is no desire on my part to repair our marriage. I would like it to be where we are friends so that we can continue to raise our sons together without conflict, but how can I remain friends with someone who is still playing so many games??? And still is trying to get in my bed???? If I must take my story elsewhere, I will understand, but I really need some support and any advice anyone is willing to give. I am in such a bad space right now. I love him, I miss him, I hate him I never want to see him again!!! HELP!
